14 Feb 2012 Vampire Psychic Space

Last night I made a rather startling discovery. This occurred when I was in bed, of course, and just as I was about to drop off to sleep. In the vampire novel I’m currently writing, my narrator and I have invented a vampire psychic space. This has consisted of a stream of vampires moving along a road headed off into the distance. The origin of this road came quite a while ago as a revelation during one of my nighttime Active Imagination sessions. I had a vision of it, just a fleeting glimpse of the stream of vampires, and I immediately incorporated it into my novel as vampire psychic space.

I won’t go into the details of this psychic space other than to say that for vampires it is both a dreamscape and an afterlife. When a vampire is killed (yes, the Undead in the real world can die) they still exist in this psychic space. That is, their soul resides there instead of the in the divine world. I’ve postulated that human souls reside in the body but are tethered to the divine world, and when we die, our soul is pulled back into the divine world by that tether. When someone becomes a vampire, they lose that tether, which then throws their soul into this vampire psychic space where they dream and even have more vivid and aware psychic lives than do humans.

Up until now, I’ve been rather disappointed that this psychic road all vampires travel along didn’t seem to lead anywhere, or at least, I didn’t know where they are going and why they were on it in the first place.

A couple of weeks ago, I read an article on CNN’s website written by a woman named Kerry Egan, a hospice chaplain who spends time talking with terminally ill patients. She’d written the article about what the dying want to talk about while they are on their deathbed. But she’d also written a book about a pilgrimage she took a few years back, titled Fumbling, A Pilgrimage Tale of Love, Grief, and Spiritual Renewal on the Camino de Santiago. After reading her article, I also picked up her book. I’m about halfway through reading it. But then last night, just before sleep, I had the thought that this road my vampires are traveling in their psychic space might not be a trek off into oblivion. It could be a pilgrimage. This sounded like an intriguing idea, so I went on Wikipedia (Thank God for Wikipedia. Everyone should donate a little now and then.) and looked up ‘pilgrimage,’ and found a nice little article that also mentioned a book titled The Archetype of Pilgrimage, Outer Action with Inner Meaning written by Jean D. and Wallace B. Clift proposing a Jungian archetype for pilgrimage. I had picked up Kerry Egan’s book on impulse because it seemed to cast new light on my journey through Greece nineteen years ago. I had thought of my journey as a quest for a personal mythology and hadn’t thought of it as a pilgrimage but now fully realize that it was. The number of religious sites I visited, both ancient Greek and Christian, is really quite astounding. I guess the thing is that I didn’t really understand the nature of pilgrimage until I started reading Kerry Egan’s book.

Needless to say, I immediately ordered The Archetype of Pilgrimage, and now I can hardly wait to see what it can reveal that I can use to flesh out my vampire psychic life. Which raises a question that I run up against quite frequently: Why can’t my narrator and I get all our material from within my own Collective Unconscious without resorting to the ideas of others? All I can say at this point is that probing the Collective Unconscious is always a stretch. I can only go so far into it without staking out that piece of territory, colonizing it so to speak with assistance from others, before I can proceed. Of course, dealing with the Collective Unconscious is always difficult, and it’s tempting, once I’ve had an inspiration, to immediately pull on the work of others to both validate (the big-brother, little-brother effect always operative) what I’ve accomplished and extend it beyond what I’ve been shown. We feed off of others within our community of common interest, which also more fully connects us with our own Collective Unconscious.

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15 Jan 2012 Dream of a Woman

[Just a rambling note about a dream last night.]

I just woke from a dream. I was in some mountains, or perhaps low-lying hills scrambling about them. I had gone to see a girl who was sitting on the mountainside talking to some people. When her conversation was over, I went up to her. The hills were kind of steep and it seemed that I was crawling around on them. I can’t say that they were dirt, but they didn’t seem to be grass covered either. I talked to her for a while, nothing important, and she asked me why I’d come to se see her. I rather sheepishly told her that I wanted to kiss her, that I just needed a kiss. So she let me kiss her. She thought this was somehow strange, and I told her that it always seemed that when I was in trouble, I came to her. I was on the verge of telling her that I loved her, but I didn’t. We talked some more about life. She was either going to college or had some other big project she was working on. I was on the verge of asking her to marry me, but I realized the impact that would have on her life, and that she’d probably have to give up her project. So I didn’t say anything, but she could sense something, and she asked me if I was willing to take big chances with my life. It was just that whenever I was in trouble, I always ended up going to see her without really knowing why. That’s how the dream ended. I’m sure I had dreamed more on the frontend, but that’s what I came away with.

Yesterday I developed a problem with my right eye. I had a rather large new floater that dramatically showed up, along with a few dark specks. It was large in area and had a rather spider web appearance. I went into a dark room, closed my eyes, and noticed that when I moved my eyes from side to side, a bright line flashed along the top of my vision and all along the right side. I was rather certain that I had a detached retina, so I called the VA clinic where I get my healthcare, and talked to a nurse. After listening to my symptoms, she told me that it probably was not a detached retina but that I should see a doctor as soon as possible, and definitely within the next eight hours. So I called my son, who was out sketching somewhere around Healdsburg for a book he’s writing on wine and cuisine in Sonoma County, and he dropped what he was doing and drove me to the VA clinic in San Francisco for an emergency eye examination. (Really great doctor.) While in the waiting room we got the news that the 49ers had just won their playoff game against the New Orleans Saints. Turns out, the nurse was correct. I didn’t have a detached retina. It was a vitreous detachment. I would not need eye surgery, but it would have to be watched closely to make sure one didn’t develop. I just thought the dream I had of the woman on the hillside was definitely a response to my real-world health problem.

I don’t believe that the woman was anyone I know or knew in the real world. I believe I’ve mentioned before my many dreams of women. They all seem to be different people, never a repeat. But they all have an integrity that is unquestioned. They seem special to me. I think it’s interesting that I always – at least according to the dream – ended up going to see that woman when I was having a tough time, unconsciously going to her. I’m just wondering, if she isn’t my anima, or perhaps, and if they aren’t all my anima. They don’t seem to have an elevated stature in the world, just someone special to me, someone I apparently care about more than I consciously realize. It’s just really nice to have a dream like this now and then.

It would be easy, perhaps too easy, to relate the woman in my dream to the VA nurse I talked to on the phone. Yet the dream certainly has that aspect. Every time I get sick, I turn to a nurse. If we say that’s true for a moment, then could this woman of my dreams be Hygieia, the daughter and consort of Asklepios, the personification of health? I’ve always thought of her as is the archetypal nurse.

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Negotiating the Process

03:30 am. I have been close to sleep viewing images. They are vague at first, just shapes in a landscape. The more I concentrate on them, the clearer they become until the window sm slams shut. I did that a few times, and then I heard a feint voice say, “No!” forcefully. So I backed off a little, not wanting to get into trouble over this. I’m still doing it but without putting so much pressure on the process. I want to learn the nature of the objection. In a way, I’m negotiating the process. When I do see clearly, when the window slams shut, I have a sense of immense fatigue. I don’t sense the fatigue while viewing images, but get it immediately when the window slams shut. Could this be the fatigue that causes dreaming and the sleep state? Not sure. So much to learn.

Seeing images is different from doing Active Imagination. Seeing images is actually having access to the dream state while awake. It has its own characteristics. Some of it is still images and some is live action. I must investigate this state further. I can’t type while in that state or I pop out of it.

Morning. Also during the night, I again saw the little white light that has  so frequently darted about in my Active Imagination sessions. Well, last night I started using my imaging technique, and to my surprise, I found that I could see into it. At first it was as if I was seeing a bright through a dark forest. I could see dark limbs and leaves, a goth landscape. Then I started seeing further into it, and I believe I could see other things. Not quite sure what. But then a couple of times, I really saw deeply into it, and it was a tunnel, and I could  see detail in the light itself. The light went stationary during these times., and I could see structure along the walls of the round tunnel, as if I was seeing into a long tunner. I almost saw something beyond in the light, but then the window  again slammed shut. Quite exciting though. After this, I started understanding that the little light is of enormous importance. During one of my initial Active Imagination session, dark space around it became a mountain lit by a bright light from behind. Then the light and the darkness separated and started circling each other, finally forming the yin-yang symbol. I’m convinced that everything I see is of importance. The little light may actually be the most important.

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Watching Myself Dream

Last night, I had a rather unusual set of dreams. Or perhaps the correct way to say it is that I had an unusual perspective relative to my dreams. The dreams themselves were rather normal. What happened was that I dreamed and then woke. A part of me stayed  awake, but another part of me kept dreaming. I was then able to witness my dreams. This is much different than having a lucid dream. I was actually watching my dreams as I was having them and participating in them as myself.

In one, I was with my brother and another young man. We were running along trail  at first, and then we entered a roadway and ran among automobile traffic. I was an amazing runner, running so fast that I had trouble taking the curves. As I remember it, I was running sixty to seventy miles per hour. I remember breaking the speed limit. I was running so fast that I came upon a sharp turn and ran off the road even though I slowed. I went off into a man’s yard where his dogs got after me. I was trapped within a fence when the dogs caught me. They didn’t seem as though they were going to attack me. And then I woke. I had several more dreams that I can no longer remember.

At times I was not conscious that I was dreaming, but at others I was like two people, both dreaming and watching myself dream. At one time, I was guiding my dreams, using Active Imagination or perhaps a daydreaming technique where I had control over the direction of the dream, as if it were coming from my imagination, and at other times I witnessed a pure dream where I had no control. This seems to be an advanced state where all the techniques I’ve been practicing  to come together. It seems I’m on the verge of a synthesis of all these techniques. It all seems natural. I’m not having any unusual psychic or psychological experiences during the day.

Another thing that is amazing about this is that in spite of the panic attacks and other unusual psychological experiences I’ve had in the past, I don’t have any anxiety over these psychic phenomena. It seems that I’m just learning new ways to experience the dreaming and waking states. But again, this is the first time I’ve experienced this integration of processes. At other times, I dream normally. Most of the time, I’m not even able to see images when I try an Active Imagination session.  I have had amazing luck using Active Imagination to write my vampire story. But these are purely creative sessions. In the past, I’ve tried taking my characters into my dreams with me. I did that months ago when I was writing the third volume of The Mysteries. I had a certain amount of success with that technique; however, I’ve not tried that with my vampire novel. My characters are too strange for me to want to do this. It’s too personal, and the technique is too new and untried to for me to take that big of a chance. Dealing with evil is a problem for me.

Again, I’m also amazed at how normal and inconsequential these thoughts and psychic happenings seem while they occur. It’s as if they are not worth remembering or writing down. This attitude seems to me to come from the nature of consciousness and how it feels about the Unconscious.

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Dreaming of Alph

Last night I dreamed that I was walking somewhere among a group of students who were talking in a lounge, and one male student was telling a girl student about a text he had for one of his classes. I believe it was a novel, but the one thing that I remember most clearly is that the title of the text was Alph. In my dream, the student had the paperback book in his hands, and the cover was plain, consisting of only large areas of different shades of dark green. The title Alph was written in Arial font in all caps across the top of the cover. In the dream, I remembered having Alph as a text the previous semester, although I hadn’t actually read it, or possibly read all of it. And either I remembered what it was about or the student was telling the girl about it. Alph had something to do with either a person inside a person or a social group within a social group, or a land within a land. It’s really difficult for me to remember that much detail concerning the subject of the book.

When I woke this morning, I decided to see if such a book exists, so I went on Amazon and searched for the title, but only came across TinTin and Alph-Art. Alph in this title actually applies to a shortening of the word alphabet, so this didn’t seem to be a connection. Then I went on Wikipedia and searched for Alph.

Alph turns out to be the name of the sacred river in Coleridge’s poem Kubla Khan. Some commentary concerning the poem considers the Alph to be a fictional river, but I would characterize it as being mythological, which is a completely different perception when one uses an educated opinion of what mythology really is. Here is the complete poem as written in 1798:

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.

But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e’er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced:
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher’s flail:
And ‘mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And ‘mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!

The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.

It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!

A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight ‘twould win me,

That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.

Although I do remember reading the poem for freshman English in 1961 and several times since, I haven’t read the poem in decades and never had a conscious recollection of a river being in the poem, and certainly didn’t remember Alph. I mostly remembered the pleasure dome. I wondered why this word “Alph” should now appear in my dream? And of course, my vampire novel came to mind.

The past couple of weeks or so, I’ve been working on a chapter where my little female vampire protagonist has had, for safety’s sake, to join a colony of vampires in a vast network of caverns deep within the Carpathian Mountains of Romania. Just yesterday I was editing passages where she is to be initiated into the race of vampires. First she, along with other female and male vampires, bathes in a pond fed by an underground stream within the cavern to prepare for her initiation. Here is the text of two sentences as I left them yesterday: “A continuous stream of fresh water feeds the pool. It’s simply an intermediate stop for water on its way to the lower chambers.” Could it be that this was the impetus for my dream’s reference to Coleridge’s sacred river, Alph? Coleridge saw the poem in an opium-induced dream. It came to him as a finished work, although he only wrote down a portion of it before being interrupted and losing the rest. Could it be that I tapped into something within the Collective Unconscious related to this poem? Probably not. But what is even more interesting is what my Unconscious was trying to tell me and why it wrapped the subject matter within that fleeting reference to the Alph.

After considering this a while, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is an answer to a problem I’ve been having trying to determining the location of my character’s initiation. The Alph is a sacred river, so perhaps I should name my stream the Alph and have my little vampire initiated there in the stream or the pool created by it. Since it’s sacred, the pond would be the place for the initiation, which would be similar to a baptism. I’ve also imagined music, and the Coleridge reference to a “damsel with a dulcimer” may be something further I can use. But I’ve noticed so many reference in Kubla Khan that I relate to my vampire story that it is truly remarkable. I’ve already envisioned something I’ve called the “Vampire Wars” and here is a Coleridge’s reference to “Ancestral voices prophesying war!” But perhaps even the most remarkable connection is that of the “stately pleasure-dome.” My vampires are always in pursuit of carnal experiences, and  referencing orgies and characterizing this cavern or a portion of it as a palace of pleasure will do much to secure its identity. Also, the antagonist of my story, and ruler over the race of vampires, is the original vampire who has lived for millennia and who was at one time a king or tribal warlord, somewhat of a Kubla Khan character.

I can scan this poem further for common elements and the way they are portrayed in Kubla Khan, so that I might be able to breathe more life into the situations I’ve already envisioned for my vampire novel.

A truly remarkable dream and the connection made through the title on a book, Alph, that showed up in it.

——————-

Now, just a few words about relating my story to such a famous poem. One thing I’ve noticed since beginning this excursion into Jung’s Active Imagination is that the Conscious mind always has a tendency to denigrate anything that comes from the Unconscious, particularly the Collective Unconscious. I’ve written about this several times and have come to the conclusion that this is the nature of the relationship between the Conscious and the Unconscious. It’s always a big-brother, little-brother relationship with the big-brother always intimidating, browbeating and invalidating the little-brother. It has also become obvious that such relations are natural because we are dealing with the Collective Unconscious, with which all of us have access, and Consciousness has to keep it at bay or we’ll all go insane. The clincher in placing a certain value in all these associations is the fact that such references occur naturally and are beneficial. Even Coleridge’s poem seems to have been influenced by several other works, and I would assume that the relationships were formed just as I believe were mine, in the Collective Unconscious.

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Splitting Up Psychic Space

To practice Active Imagination, Murray Stein suggests first clearing off a portion of psychic space where you will then conduct your sessions. I have called the psychic space I’ve allotted for this purpose the Iris of Time. But I have a different intention for my activity than that used for therapeutic sessions. I use the Iris of Time for writing fiction and other creative projects. This is also a different psychic space than that I use for personal ego-type problems that spontaneously occur during the day and at night. I’m thinking that maybe I should have a space for ego-type/therapeutic problems and another yet for spiritual issues.

These then are my three divisions of psychic space: (1) ego, (2) spiritual, and (3) creative. These separate spaces are of my own concoction and have nothing to do with Jungian theory, at least as far as I know. I will use Active Imagination in each of them but for different purposes. The ego space is where I will investigate personal topics that bother and/or interest me: gult, anger, sex. These are both actual and imaginary as well as fantasy. My spiritual space is where I will engage psychic entities connected with the divine world. Doing this will, hopefully, keep the three separate activities from contaminating each other, at least to the extent they do now.

I need an entry point for each, and of course I already have the Iris of Time for creative Active Imagination sessions. Perhaps in the divine world I should request admission to what I will imagine to be the City of God for Active Imagination sessions. I will enter through a gate guarded by angels. I believe I should have a separate entry point for ego encounters. Perhaps it should be a home, a castle or a grotto, but still a place where I can engage, enjoy, and learn from profane encounters that primarily have to do with matters concerning the real world and me in it. My ego space is one that comes upon me, that thrusts itself upon me unbidden; however, I do at times engage it of own free will.

I believe separating my psychic space in this way will give each division legitimacy and prevent one from having a continuous denigrating attitude toward one of the others. Problems that would ordinarily occur between say the spiritual realm and that of the ego will then be negotiated in what might be termed therapeutic sessions. Ego problems will be more fully developed and presented in detail, instead of suppressed and locked away in the shadow, and then a negotiating session with the spiritual part of my psyche could moderate extremes. Perhaps this will also force the spiritual world to wake up to some of the realities of the ego world.

A couple of things I should say about these psychic divisions. First, I’ve imagined, invented them if you will, and second, that they aren’t pure. Remember that I’m for the most part doing this stuff at night in the dark with my eyes closed. And I am close to sleep generally. In that state, I sometimes drift between these divisions. I might start out in the Iris of Time gathering material for my novel and then unconsciously lapse or migrate over into one of my ego states. I typically don’t catch myself for a while. I also may drift in and out of sleep while in an Active imagination session. It’s just not a pure process on any level. Even though I say that I’ve invented these separations, it seems to me that the need for them has naturally evolved.

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Another Mother Dream

03:30 am. I woke tonight from another dream of my mother. I had just entered a room and saw her standing alone, having just talked to someone who was leaving, The room had no fixtures or furniture, totally vacant except for her. She turned toward me, recognized me and started toward me smiling. I was concerned that she might fall but was pleased that she could walk again without her walker. She was quite old, but she recognized me and took a few steps toward me, her arms outstretched. I walked to her and we embraced. I held her very tight, basking in our embrace. And then the dream ended.

This is the only dream I remember having tonight. I haven’t been having memorable dreams lately.

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18 Dec 2011 Jung’s Transcendental Function

18 Dec 2011. I continue to be amazed at how consistent the story is that comes to me during Active Imagination sessions. I really feel connected to it while in that state. Also, when I edit and rewrite the material during the day, I can sense the link between the material and that place I go to with in the Iris of Time to get it. It’s connected to my Collective unconscious. I’m convinced that this relates in some way to Jung’s transcendental function, the bridge between Consciousness and the Unconscious. The fact that the material I’m editing also resides in the Unconscious allows me to access that region while editing. It’s not as creative as actually being in an Active Imagination session, but it makes the editing job exciting and productive.

23 Dec 2011. Yesterday afternoon I took a nap. A good long one. When I do that, it frequently means that I can see images when I do Active Imagination. But never have I done it as much as I did last night. I still didn’t have any sound, except in just a couple of cases. Just a few words. But wow! Did I ever see images. And they were spontaneous. I just had to try, and they popped into view. At first it was stationary images, but that wasn’t very satisfying, so I started trying to see dynamic images, and it just happened. At first the images wouldn’t stay around very long. They startled me. And that’s a better word for what happened than scared. Startled is precisely the word. The first stationary images I saw startled me, but then I tried to hang on to them, and found that I could make them stay. I just willed it. It felt like a breakthrough. And I mean that both ways. It was the first time I’ve been able to hold onto them because I willed it, and also the first time I seemed to go deeper into my Unconscious. I believe that I’m getting my Consciousness trained not to be startled, which makes them disappear every time. I believe this is a normal function of Consciousness, to keep the Unconscious at bay, for obvious reasons. Too much from the Unconscious and it can flood reality. Last night I got to where I could watch a scene for quite a while, maybe a minute or two. I still can’t remember a thing I saw in spite of doing this over and over again. Seems like I did it for hours. But that seems to be the nature of the activity. I am seeing thing from the Unconscious, and by definition, we don’t remember what goes on there. You might say that seeing into the Unconscious is an exercise in learning how to not forget. Or possibly, learning how not to ignore the Unconscious. I believe it’s always there twirling like a Dervish. When I first start seeing images, I have to tell my awareness not to ignore and forget the things I’m seeing. This is the first step. But last night, I was much more successful than I have ever been before in getting the images to appear and then holding them while activity took place. Even though I did it over and over again, it seems that no scene repeated. It was all bits and pieces of a vast psychic space of activity. I don’t know where this is leading, but I hope to be able someday to talk to the psychic beings I encounter there. They seem to be benign for now. They don’t seem to tell a story. They don’t seem to be involved in high intrigue or conflict. They are not laden with emotion. As a matter of fact they seem emotionally sterile. They are nothing like a dream, at least not yet.

I still can’t see these images and activities while typing. If I could type, I could take down what is happening, but as yet, that’s just not possible. Of course, the other problem is that the images and experience are so rich that words don’t begin to convey what’s going on. This may be a long and difficult process. I’ve been doing it for one year and eight months. But as they say, the journey is what it’s all about. Not sure this will ever become a finished process. I’m don’t believe I could ever learn everything my mind has to teach me about its processes.

Another thing I’m learning about writing using Active Imagination is that it’s tiring to view the images and also to work so deep into the psyche. This morning I’m really tired, and my eyes feel really strained. Also, after a week or so of high-intensity writing, I have to take a break. I would not say that I develop writer’s block. I just have to do other things to rest my psyche. Plus, the psychic depths seem to recede, and it becomes more difficult to contact the psychic forces with which I’m dealing. Even switching writing projects seems a relief. Now this was also true when I was writing not using Active Imagination, but now these issues seem more pronounced. I’m also in the middle of writing the third volume of The Mysteries, which I’ve abandoned to write this vampire novel, and I took a look at it during the last few days, and I could feel the urge to get back to it. But I can’t let myself get distracted from this vampire novel. I have to finish it as soon as possible. But the point I’m making is that the psychic material for that novel doesn’t seem recessed so far into my psyche right now. And the vampire stuff seems more difficult to get to. I’m mining very deep for this vampire stuff, and I can sense how remote the material. If I let go of it, I might never be able to get it back. Seems that it would spring back like it was on a bungee cord.

I’ve also been neglecting my narrator. I’m developing her as a person and have provided her with a blog and have her on twitter. I’m not visiting with her enough, and I know that she’s beginning to feel like an abandoned child, which of course she is. At least in my story of her life.

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12 Dec 2011 More Than I Bargained For

I’m really enjoying my Active Imagination sessions at night now. I enjoy going into the Iris of Time and finding out how things work there. I’m exploring the vampire mythology, and it’s much more a process of discovery now than it is creation. Not only do my characters have their autonomy, my setting also has a presence that seems to go beyond my imagination. I’m not inventing. I’m exploring. So much so, that I don’t like typing while imagining the vampire world. I want to just explore it and not have the distraction of documenting it.

03:30 am. I just woke from a dream that I was living underground is  in some rock cavern. Something had happened, can’t remember what, but I was with several other people, and perhaps we had driven off some others.  We were walking across a rough, undulating granite surface in the dark with a rather low ceiling. Whatever event had happened was over, and several of us were talking. Perhaps two or three of us overseeing the underground group were talking to a couple of others who had come to help us. One of us, someone who seemed to have some authority over me, was telling those who had come to help us that we were happyer than ever being down there. But someone objected, perhaps it was me, because I had claustrophobia down there, and when the lights went out completely, my claustrophobic with the closeness of the ceiling, was more than I could bear. I looked down in the dim light and saw a tennis shoe, I believe. Why a shoe? I don’t know. But then the really bad claustrophoblia hit me, and I woke.

I can’t remember the first part of the dream. I can’t remember what the conflict was about. It had to do with some purpose. Something was going on, and it was very meaningful. This was a dream about committment, somehow. It was purposeful and meaningfulingful, but I can’t remember because the rest of the dream is buried in my Unconscious. The only reason I can remember any of the dream is that I was waking, coming out of my Unconscious. I remember saying, Oh no. I didn’t want to stay underground.

When I woke, I sensed the claustrophobia. Once awake, I realized that the dream seemed to have to do with the vampire novel I’m writing. My protoganist has gone underground with the vampires in a cavern, a situation similar to that of my dream. What sort of nightmare I creating?

Years ago, I was in Europe on business, and after my business was over, I went unto the Austrian Alps with a couple of business associates to hike hütte to hütte. The second night out, I woke shortly after going to sleep, and I knew something was wrong. At first I was just scared, but then I realized something was wrong inside me. The hütte was particularly dark, absolutely dark really, and this was the most frightening thing I’d ever encountered. In my dream tonight, I was afraid of that same darkness, of not being able to see anything. Not being able to form an image with my eyes open was frightening. I’ve not ever overcome the terror of experiencing absolute darkness. I felt that same fear in my dream tonight knowing that I was going to have to stay in that underground cavern. I both wanted to be down there, to experience that claustrophobia essentially, and was dreadfully afraid at the same time. Some aspect of it seemed intriguing, yet absolutely terrifying.

I also have a connection to caverns. Several times I’ve been in the Carlsbad Caverns in New mexico. The caverns are artifically lit, and the guides take you into a particularly remote portion of the cavern and turn off all the lights. They talk to you about darkness and how your eyes adjust to darkness over a period of ten or fifteen minutes, and they let you experience that total darkness that you’ve never experienced before in your life. Then they strike a single match, and the amazing thing is that one small match lights up the entire room, the huge cavernous room. I remember the intimacy I felt with our band of perhaps thirty tourists, and the guide talking to us. The darkness seemed to draw us together. He also mentioned and had us notice the absolute quiet of the cavern. The world above ground has both stray light and sound that permeates our existence, but at a low lever and unnoticable until it’s all gone as it was there in the cavern. The only thing you could hear down there was the dripping of water and the rustle of other tourists. But the dark was total.

My character in my vampire novel has gone into such a cavern to be with other vampires. She experiences this total darkness and quiet when they turn out the lights to sleep. They then experience a community dream.

So within this little vampire novel that I was suppose to write quickly and with a minimum of philosophical content, I’ve come across my most troubling and trying psychological aberations. My biggest demons lurk within my little horror story.

Posted in 12 Dec 2011 More Than I Bargained For, December 2011 | Comments Off  

27 Nov 2011 Gifts from the Unconscious

Apple MacBook Air and Bluetooth Keyboard

Apple MacBook Air and Bluetooth Keyboard

If you’re interested in how I practice my brand of Active Imagination, please realize that first of all, I do it to develop a new technique for writing fiction, and that I also do it at night in the dark. I have with me an Apple MacBook Air. I turn off the Air’s screen and keyboard lights, then set the notebook on my nightstand, and type on a totally separate bluetooth keyboard with my eyes closed to ensure I see nothing except what is going on inside my head. See the associated picture. This works amazingly well. I’ve followed this procedure for the last year and a half while on my personal excursion into Jung’s Active Imagination.

If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you realize that I’m now using Active Imagination to write a vampire novel. I started writing the novel in early May 2011. I hope to finish by the end of 2011. What follows in this post is an accumulation of thoughts I’ve had on the subject during the past few months. This information will be reflected in the book I plan to write about using Active Imagination for fiction writing. It is pretty much a hodge-podge and sometimes repetitions of previous writings.

In these active imagination sessions, I find the pure story that I’m searching for. Only during these night sessions does my story make total sense. I can tell when I’ve struck gold, and it only occurs during these sessions. The next morning, when I start editing this content, it provides a bridge to the Unconscious and allows more high-quality content to cross over. The process feeds on itself. The material has been generated in the far reaches of my psyche, and while editing, it takes mr back there. But the cornerstone is delving into the Unconscious through Active Imagination during the night.

I have found a way to better connect with the narrator of my vampire story. I greet the Keeper of the Gate, she opens the Iris of Time, and I step through. I address all the beings of psychic space, and call Manto to me. She takes me to the narrator of my vampire story. The narrator and I go into her room and lie down together. We join hands, my left, her right. I ask her to tell the story of my main character. My female narrator’s hand is small, soft and gentle. This is all the connection required to understand each other’s thoughts. I quieten mine and let hers intrude upon my psychic space. I tell her that I love holding her hand. “You’re the female companion I never had while I was go growing up.”

Just now, I rubbed my eyes, and when I quit, I saw a ring of fire. The ring had gaps in four corners : top, bottom, left, and right. I believe it was the beginning of a mandala. I’m interpreting it as the mandala of the main character in my novel.

Even during daylight with my eyes open, I don’t see something if I don’t have my attention directed at where my eyes are focused. Somehow, it is the same with my eyes closed. I will not see what the Unconscious is directing toward my consciousness if my attention isn’t focused on it. You have to see into the Unconscious. Real visual images only come when I’m close to the dream state, and then they can be so vivid that I don’t even know if I have my eyes open or closed.

I seem to have a really bad memory for things I write during active imagination. I write mostly at night with the lights off, and the next morning, I sometimes don’t even remember if I wrote or not. Even if I remember that I did write, I have a poor memory of what I wrote. However, I can recall a good portion of it if I go back into Active Imagination. It seems that that’s where the memory of the session resides. Performing Active Imagination this way occurs very close to the Land of Forgetting, the Unconscious.

Another thing of which I increasingly become convinced is that in Active Imagination, I can’t get specifics from the Unconscious. It doesn’t contain real world information. It is psychic information, mythic information, but it doesn’t contain real-world specifics. Everything I see in psychic space that looks like something in the real world is distorted or twisted because it is a metaphorical representation of some related Unconscious material. When I bring information from the Unconscious into the real world to put in your fiction, I have to add the details. Of course, one of the reasons for prepping myself before Active Imagination is that I can then take the packing material with me when i enter the Unconscious psychic space. The Collective Unconscious has human forms but without definition. Just as Kerenyi explains about Zoë.  When we write fiction, we pull story and personages from within the Collective Unconscious, and also story, myth, but the intricate definition of all this content must be added by consciousness in the real world.

It would seem that every story taken from the Collective Unconscious tries to become a huge work with cosmic implications. The scope of the work is one of the author’s decisions, and if he does decide to make it more limited, he has to exercise control early on, or it will explode into something unmanageable, or at least evolve into a work of many volumes. If this is the intention, it is fine, but if it is not the intention, it can be a problem. The novelsmith should just be aware that the effect is more pronounced when using Active Imagination because s/he is in direct contact with cosmic forces, therefore the cosmic inclination.

At night, the internal dialogues I sometimes have that are ego connected (the worrying, the anger) that energy can be harnessed to either fuel an Active Imagination session to create Jung’s Transcendent Function, or it can be used to write fiction. If I’m telling the story I should be telling, I will be using that energy, that same psychic energy. This is the Conscious usage of the Unconscious to write fiction instead of using that same technique unconsciously. Using it consciously creates an avenue for always making contact with the mythic energy rather than contacting it by chance. I then have avenues that will always put me in contact with the psychic energy I need to write fiction.

I should not only give my characters autonomy, but also recognize my characters’ autonomy. I tend to believe I’m making things up, when in actuality I’m receiving it from the Collective Unconscious. This means that I must develop the ability to recognize where the information is coming from. Generally the character will have its autonomy. I’m just not used to seeing it that way. This is really important because it means that the problem is one of recognizing a process that already exists and not one of developing a new skill of how to receiving information. I do this already. I am simply trying to make the process more transparent, so that the author can make it more accessible and predictable. The author must resolve the twin stars of self-generation and that of other psychic entities. This is not just true when writing fiction, but also when using Active Imagination for Jung’s psychological purposes.

Every gift from the Unconscious comes wrapped in contents from the Conscious. The thing is that if no Conscious material exists, the Unconscious material cannot be packaged and won’t come across by itself. That seems to be the reason that to gain inspiration, the novelsmith must go into an Active Imagination session having primed his Conscious. The Unconscious provides unadorned inspiration. It comes with revelations but it is not adorned with specific details.

One thing I believe is true about psychic space is that when you enter, you keep your Consciousness but lose your identity, at least  you lose your earthly identity. You are of indeterminate age and origin.

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24 Nov 2011 Encounters with Great Evil

02:30 am. It impresses me that when we see something that we’ve created in the real world or is supposed to exist in the real world, and we view it as a metaphor that says something about life, it actually says even more about the psychic world. It’s not just that we can learn more about ourselves by viewing the psychic world, but we can learn more about the psychic world also by studying the real world and that metaphorical relationship. We say that the real world is but a metaphor of the psychic world, so that the two share a relationship, and it’s not one sided.

I just woke from a dream where I was traveling along a road. Seems I might have been on foot. Yes, I believe I was. I might have also been with my older brother, but whomever I was with was only a faint presence. I was looking for a coffee shop or some other building, perhaps a place where we’d once lived. The place meant a great deal to us because we’d had some wonderful times there. I thought I saw it across the street, but the street was a major thoroughfare, and we had to cross several lanes of traffic and a median with all sorts of fences and electrical cables to get there.

I’d had a dream the night before concerning my older brother. All I can remember of it was that we were arguing, and I was telling him that if he kept doing something to me, I was going to fight him, and that I might not be able to whip him and might lose but I’d keep fighting, and I would break his nose. He seemed quite putout with me.

But in tonight’s dream he was a minimal presence, and I was trying to get across the street to this place where I’d been before. We’d had so much fun there. I turned right to walk along the sidewalk to find a place to cross, but then the street was full of construction, and the construction was not normal. Not only had they torn up the street, but the construction had also taken down part of the buildings that lined the street, although I believed that the building I was looking for was still there. As I walked, the construction got heavier, the entire street was torn up, and everything was piles of dirt and dirt roadways. I came upon a big chasm, and some men who were also walking in the area had fallen into it. Very deep and dark. I crawled to the edge to peer inside and almost knocked off some rocked onto them. Some people were trying to get them out. I walked around to the end of the chasm, and my brother was talking to someone inside the hole. He was standing right at the edge, looking down into the darkness. Quite suddenly, he took a step forward and dropped into the hole, intentionally. My brother was an amazing athlete and could do just about anything. But I was very afraid that he would hurt himself. The drop wasn’t just very deep but perhaps a thousand feet. When he hit the bottom, he did get hurt, and he started screaming, and I wondered if he had broken his legs or perhaps killed himself. The other men climbed out of the chasm by an old rickety ladder on its side, and in a little bit, so did my brother, hurt but seemingly not really injured.

And then I woke.

Upon waking, I thought about the dream, and the thought that immediately came to me  (I was still a good bit asleep) was that my subconscious was trying to tell me something about itself, that the dream wasn’t about my brother at all, but that the content from the unconscious was being wrapped in that subject because that was the only way it could come across into consciousness. Or perhaps a better way of saying it was that he was the material immediately available as wrapping for the subject matter to be sent across. Perhaps all the dreams about my brother I’ve had lately, and I’m not sure I’ve had many but what few they were, were all about something else.

I’m not certain that it is crucial to understand these dreams. They do seem to be relatively easy to remember, and I believe that is the thing that is important. I just need to process the content regardless if I understand it or what it represents. I just need to experience it. I’m not even sure that remembering it is important. These dreams seem to be processes, a part of a process, and understanding them and interpreting them isn’t necessarily important or necessary for what needs to occur. We mustn’t think we always have to know, understand, and realize everything about the dream to facilitate the process. Sometimes the process is working just fine, and we only get a glimpse of it by chance. Being conscious of a process and understanding a process isn’t always necessary or even at times desirable. We shouldn’t always beat up our dreams by forcefully remembering them. Dreams can be delicate things. Sometimes they are like butterfly wings, and we could keep our hands and our memories off them.

I live with my son and daughter-in-law, and recently I’ve noticed that I’ve been overly sensitive about some issues and getting my feelings hurt. I’ve wondered if it isn’t caused by what my main character is dealing with in the novel I’m writing. As a vampire, she’s been abandoned by her friends and lovers, and has been abused by the authorities, the church, and even entities from the divine world. She’s gone off to live with a vampire colony for protection. There she’ll find security, but she’ll have to deal with great evil. When she first encounters this evil, it will scare her terribly and freeze her soul, if she does still have a soul.

My own descent into these feelings of abuse don’t seem to mirror my characters completely, but then the feelings are wrapped in different packages. Authors are known for taking on the emotional problems of their characters, and this could well be what is happening to me. Of course, that’s the way we write characters. We give them what we find within ourselves. Sometimes I feel that I pull material from veins that I’m not sure sure should be mined. I don’t believe everything we come into contact with in our psyche should be explored. This can go beyond being personally abusive and become down right dangerous. I’m not sure all the psychic monsters we encounter deserve a voice in the real world. Not everything that’s eager to be heard should be allowed to speak. We do need to maintain control of our fictional writings as well as our lives. As Murray Stein has said, sometimes we live a myth, or more accurately it can live us. Everything we explore when writing fiction, we in some way cultivate within ourselves. Sometimes the cultivation becomes more a part of the process than does the exploration. Some things we should cultivate, or I guess I should say that some things are beneficial when cultivated, but others can be destructive to both ourselves and the world in which we live. This is where we must make a moral judgement, and sometimes it is only a preference, but the point is that we must navigate the psychic realm with caution. I’m still not sure that we should accept everything we encounter in an Active Imagination session, as Jung tells us we should. I’m not sure that everything we encounter within our own psyche has our best interest at heart, nor can we withstand its evil intent.

My main character in my vampire novel encounters great evil in the chapters I’m currently writing. She will be initiated into the ways of evil. But she is a special being, having been turned by a divine vampire herself. She has to give over a part of herself to this evil so she can understand, make her way in the world, and become more fully who she is. I’m struggling with these concepts along with her. And now I realize that I am experiencing the same danger as she. I have to be willing to undergo that initiation just the same as does she. I hadn’t realized that until now. My concern for my character is my concern for myself. Not something I intended. I’ve bogged down in a couple of chapters over this, and now I can see more clearly why. The other part of it is that once I made the decision to have her initiated into the mysteries of evil, I became much more pleased with the story. The fact that she had to let evil in seemed to make the story work and to add a depth of meaning I hadn’t imagined.

And this brings to the surface the question of what we do with great evil when we find it within ourselves? Is it necessary to let it become a part of ourselves to understand how to deal with it? If we don’t, do we then project evil out into the world? Is letting it into ourselves the only way to not work evil on the world? Must we become part evil to protect the world from it? From ourselves?

It’s times like these that I realize that these are not academic questions, and that I’m not just writing fiction. I must have had an inkling of this, or I would not have been interested in writing a vampire story in the first place. Seems that this is the central question raised by this vampire novel: How do we deal with our own evil nature? But then I keep coming back to this question of not just evil but great evil. And now I guess that I will define great evil as that evil which is beyond human capacity to control. It seems that Jung thought we could always control it because he says to accept it but be cautious of what we bring of it into the real world. What we encounter with in our psyche has no moral judgment. We have to make that moral judgement ourselves. I’m just questioning if we should even speak psychically with great evil.

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19 Nov 2011 Dreaming an Active Imagination Session

I just woke from a dream. I was visiting some acquaintances, not sure who, but I had a series of encounters where I got my feelings hurt, so I went to  another area where I found my infant daughter. I picked her up and held her. I realized I hadn’t done that in while, and I missed her. She was perhaps six months old. I kissed her and hugged her.

Then the scene shifted, and I was in the same house and still feeling hurt, but now a young oriental woman was there, and she said something that hurt my feelings also. Instead of leaving me alone, she started talking to me about what I was projecting. She said something about what she needed from me. She was quite pretty, slim and rather small. Quite beautiful actually. She seemed to be a dancer, and she made a pose and asked me to interpret its mood. I made a guess, but I was wrong, and she continued to teach me with poses and movement. This young woman kept saying, “What I want from you is to focus just on the movement, the position.” She seemed to be telling me that I was projecting arrogance, which was also the way I was misinterpreting her actions. I still wasn’t getting it right when the dream ended. I woke.

When I thought about the dream, it reminded me of the dance method of doing Active Imagination mentioned in Jung’s writing on the subject (Jung on Active Imagination, page 78 [32]). This seems to be my first dream addressing a real world problem that I’ve been having recently by the use of an Active Imagination technique. I had a psychic teacher. I find that quite interesting.

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17 Aug 2011 Jungian Novelsmithing – Psychic Processes

To conceptualize the novelsmithing process using Jung’s Active Imagination, I first suggest a graphical relationship between the conscious mind and the Unconscious. It is a big brother, little brother graphic with the big brother standing over the smaller little brother brow-beating him, scolding him, except that both brothers are the same person. This represents both Consciousness and the Unconscious residing in the novelsmith, with Consciousness always invalidating material from the Unconscious. The human mind cannot function if it is constantly being bombarded with material from the Unconscious; therefore, it ignores material from the Unconscious, or perhaps I should say doesn’t even know that it is receiving material, ideas, from the Unconscious, and even if it does, it invalidates it. But the Unconscious is the source of all inspiration. The ego, with its over-inflated opinion of itself, believes inspiration comes from within itself. Perhaps one could even say that Consciousness always wants to believe that it is the source of creativity and hides the fact that it comes from the Unconscious, even from itself.

Another graphic will illustrate the nature of separate activities that go on inside the psyche. They are: (1) ego-driven internal dialogue, (2) images that seem to come from within the Unconscious of which we have limited awareness but which are constantly present and ever changing, and (3) an area, which the person can construct, that I call the Iris of Time, wherein the individual may conduct activities associated with Jung’s Active Imagination, i.e., that psychic space wherein the creative-writing process occurs. This is an ordered but autonomous-functioning part of the Unconscious that steps forward and confronts Consciousness. Consciousness must be accepting of the Unconscious or it will not participate at all. The Unconscious is at first incredibly shy and unassuming in the presence of Consciousness, but it may become aggressive, arrogant and intolerant if given leeway to be so. It also may be accepting and tolerant. It just depends on the entity that has stepped forward. Consciousness must be accepting and yet suspicious of this activity of the Unconscious because great evil lurks there as well. Consciousness must always be on its guard. Some evil must be dealt with and exploited because it plays a part in the real world we depict in our fiction.

A third graphic would illustrate the function of the Iris of Time, the technique I am using to write my mystery novel. The graphic would show the author on the left, his psyche just to the right, and within his psyche, the Iris of Time, at which stands the Guardian of the Gate, who opens and closes it. The author always addresses the Guardian to get her to open the Iris. Once inside, the author speaks a few words to all the entities residing there, saying that he comes in peace and expresses that he would like to request the help with those who believe they can contribute to his work. The author then calls forth the narrator of his story. The narrator contains or creates the script but the narrator has also collected about her all her characters, which she has contacted with from within the Unconscious. I have used a pen name as the author of my vampire novel, but instead of just using another name for myself, I have used the pen as a separate psychic entity that I envision as writing the novel.

To create my novel, I first created my narrator. My narrator, once again, is the pen name under which I am writing the novel. To provide a clearer idea of who she is in my mind, I created, or allowed her to create, a life for herself through Active Imagination. She gave herself a “real” life in Romania. I also set up a blog for her where she describes what is going on in her life. Her novel also has a website where she presents previews of chapters and some associated short stories she has written about her characters. Now when I write, I go to her to get her to tell me the story of her characters. Her main character is a young woman of eighteen who becomes a vampire. In working with all this, I first gather all this psychic space and these psychic entities around me, and then I write as the novel content comes to me.

I do this method along with the Iris of Time to activate the Unconscious, to provide a separate psychic space within which I can write the novel. My narrator might be termed my anima (Jung). Once I am involved in the process, I let the material flow to me, accepting the content but evaluating its appropriateness for the novel. In working out this appropriateness, I consult with my narrator/author. We have established a working relationship. Graphically, it all looks like this.

Jungian Novelsmithing - Psychic Process

Jungian Novelsmithing - Psychic Process

The graphic shows me as the author, my psyche, the Iris of Time, with the Guardian of the Gate standing before it, then the narrator, and then the protagonist alongside the antagonist, and a crowd of people beyond them in silhouette to represent the rest of the characters.

I try to be disciplined, and yet I’m not too hard on myself. Once the process really starts to work and I’m writing like a whirlwind, I lose the separateness of the process, and we all merge into one, which is in fact the way it is.

I realize that I write about all this as if I know what I’m talking about. The visitor to this blog should read this post.

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15 Aug 2011 My Mystery Project

Okay, I guess I should come clean about this mystery project of mine, or perhaps at least come partially clean. Yes, I’m working on a new novel, and I’m using Jung’s Active Imagination, or my creative writing version of it, to develop it. I wanted to write something different from anything I’ve attempted before, and I wanted it to be imaginative but at least centered here in the real world. I read an article online about a literary author who wrote a vampire novel, and it became a big hit. So I decided that I would also try a sexy vampire novel, and set a limit of six months to write it at the exclusion of everything else.

I also decided to write the novel under a pen name. The reason for this is that I wanted to push the novel away from me, so that it would have a certain autonomy, in the same spirit as Jung speaks of these psychic entities during Active Imagination. The plan for each of my writing sessions has been to open the Iris of Time, and meet this pen-name author as a personage in psychic space. I am to imagine her telling the story to me; therefore, she, the author, is the narrator. To make her as real as possible in my own mind, I have created a website for this author/narrator and given her a life. She has her own blog and twitter account.

As you can tell, my creative endeavor using Active Imagination on this project occurs on two levels: first, creating the author/narrator, and second, encouraging her to create the vampire novel. I do research during the day for the setting of the novel and possible character traits, but I don’t do any creative writing. My sole purpose is to load up my imagination for my Active Imagination sessions. Jung tells us to go in prepared with a specific topic/problem in mind, and this is what I do. I also have the prejudice of wanting it to be a literary young adult novel, i.e., for the late teens, early twenties reader.

I conduct all of these Active Imagination writing sessions during the night, either just before sleep, during insomnia periods, or just after waking in the morning. If I take a nap in the afternoon, I’ll also at times try an Active Imagination session immediately upon waking. This is where the raw material for the novel comes from, and all of it is written on my notebook computer where I type in complete darkness with the screen also shut off. The next morning, I send what I have written to myself in an email and copy it off my iMac mail client and paste it into my word processor. Then I go to work editing it and adding to it as necessary. I try to keep the chapters short. I plan on 40 chapters, and I’m currently on Chapter 21, so I’m halfway.

I started off by using Active Imagination to outline the novel in accordance with the pentagon I developed largely in Novelsmithing but modified later in this post in Jungian Novelsmithing. I imagined my storyline, and structured the Plot Points according to the pentagon. I also developed a premise which I documented in this post.

So how have I been doing? It’s worked amazingly well. I’m surprised at both how easily the material comes to me through my female author/narrator. It’s consistent and well thought out, surprisingly. My biggest problem is that my normal writing self wants to dork around with the material from time to time, and this produces some confusion as to the path the novel should take. I do have lapses in both my use of the Iris of Time and also imagining my author/narrator telling the story to me. I have a tendency to just let my mind wander around in the subject as I used to in the past. I need more discipline with the technique. Still, I love author/narrator, and I’m absolutely wild about her protagonist. I want to have all these characters (author/narrator/protagonist/antagonist) to myself until I finish, so I won’t be divulging their identities until I’m finished. Feel free to wander about the Internet looking for them. My pen author has her own website and so does her book. She’s also written some short stories to build a little mythology concerning her main character, and samplers of these are also posted on one of her blogs.  These short stories are also published digitally at all the major online sources.

That’s the nature of the project. I’ve been at it for about four months now and progressing nicely. I plan to publish the novel myself in digital format and also possibly in paperback, unless some enterprising agent waylays me before the time comes. Fat chance.

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14 Aug 2011 Making Einstein Laugh

Last night, I had another curious dream. Seems I was working with some members of my family packing my belongings because I was moving again. I picked up an old textbook on dynamics that I had used while getting my master’s in astronautical engineering at Stanford. I turned to a page that I’d used for many years during my days working on Space Shuttle projects and the Viking Mission to Mars. In my dream, the page contained Einstein’s equations of motion. I was at first disappointed to see that something had been pasted over the page, and that it had decayed and disfigured Einstein’s equations. But then I noticed that it was a greeting card, folded in half as they generally are, and all four sides filled with cartoons concerning the actions of many characters. I then remembered the card and that I’d sent it to Albert Einstein because many of the cartoon characters and something about the subject matter had reminded me of Einstein’s family. The reason the card was in my dynamics book was that Einstein had marked up the card with names of his family members over some of, or perhaps all of, the cartoon characters. Apparently the card had made quite an impact, so much so that he’d marked it up naming the cartoon characters for members of his family and returned it to me. I of course was extraordinarily pleased and had pasted the card over Einstein’s equations in my dynamics book, so I would never lose it. A nice little reminder that at one time, I’d made Einstein laugh.

Just before the dream ended, I showed the greeting card to my family, and they all gathered around to look at the curious little card with Einstein’s scribbling all over it. They all had a good chuckle. But then one of my family members, perhaps an aunt, dropped the card in a box when I wasn’t looking, and thus I lost it. I thought that I would probably never see it again.

And then I woke.

Of course, all of this was a dream, and I never knew of such a card or nor did I ever send one or anything else to Albert Einstein. As a matter of fact, the text book concerns rigid-body dynamics and not on relativistic kinematics. I’d gotten that wrong in my dream, something I knew immediately upon waking. The equations that I’d used during my thirty years as a dynamics engineer are called Euler’s equations and used for the dynamics and orientation of a rigid body, such as a rocket or a spacecraft. Still, it was a pleasant dream and one that made quite an impression on me.

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15 Jul 2011 Mother Dream with Strange People

07:32 am. I have just had another strange beyond-imagining dream. What made it so interesting is my degree of consciousness, or perhaps it might be called my degree of awareness. I wasn’t actually aware that I was dreaming. Yet, I knew what I was seeing had symbolic significance. I realized that I was being shown something that had an encoded meaning.

I have been using Active Imagination to assist in writing a new novel, a mystery project I’ve called it in other posts. I’ve also taken the story and my characters into my dreams with me with a certain amount of success, although I’m not sure how much these dream, or pseudo-dreams, have contributed to the story telling. Although I did a lot of Active Imagination around my novel during the night, this dream appears to have nothing to do with that project.

In the description that follows, I describe the dream as I recalled it immediately upon waking. Then I have three paragraphs where I tried to provide some additional detail and possibly correct some of my initial statement about the dream. I could feel the memory gradually slipping away. I think both descriptions are valuable, so I’ve not tried to combine them to correct my first impressions. Here’s the dream:

I was in a field, probably of alfalfa, and I saw my mother at the far end, so I went to her. I was fairly young, I believe. But I stopped before I got to her. Actually I was watching some cats, one was white, two white cats, running in the field. Seems that there were several cats. I noticed something on my sleeve. I had on a t-shirt, I believe. It was a gigantic foxtail with something in its tip, possibly a bee. I flicked it off. I turned again to look at my mother who was doing some sort of stretching exercises. Again I got distracted, or probably that was when I got distracted by the fox tail.

When I looked back my mother was gone, and then I noticed her through some tall weeds in the next field over. I went over there, and she was still doing the exercises. She was behind a tall weed, but then I could tell that she was with someone, a man dressed all in black, and as I approached them, he started to walk off. I asked him who he was, but he didin’t answer.

Then I noticed two men, or perhaps he was two men farther on coming toward me. Two identical twins dressed in black. “Who are you,” I asked? “Is this about my mother?” They said yes. But then I saw another man, a normal man, someone I seemed to recognize, or perhaps he just looked familiar. He asked me to follow him into a large building. We went through double doors with him in the lead and me trying to keep up. He went up some stairs, and I followed. He seemed to be trying to lose me, but I kept up. We went up another flight of stairs, and I said, “This building isn’t real, is it.” And he said, “No, it isn’t.” I had noticed that it seemed to be artificial, possibly made of plastic.

On another floor of the same building, I followed him down a long hall. He ducked into a side room, and I looked into see that it was a men’s bathroom and he was standing before a urinal. I had to pee too, but then I noticed that there was only the one urinal. He said, “I’ll be with you in just a moment.” I went outside and waited for him, and soon he joined me again. He was walking very fast now, and I was having trouble keeping up. It does seem that a few peole were scattered about, but the building was pretty much vacant.

He then went into another room that was an auditorium with theatre seating. He sat in one off the isle, and I took one a little lower down, and turned to look up at him and talk to him. He was talking to someone else who’d come onstage, a young woman, and then he turned back to me, and he asked if I was exercising. I told him that I used to, that I ran three, four, sometimes five miles a day, every day. That’s a lot he said. Seems you’d get tired in the afternoon. I told him that I had to quit because I have chronic fatigue syndrome. He didn’t say anything about that, didn’t seem to have a response. And then the dream ended.

It was a strange dream, and much longer than most. The two little men that I saw earlier were looked to be Jewish, dressed all in black with white shirts and black hats.  They were actually not small, but just young and thin, I would say late teens. They were pleasant and smiling. The man I chased was short dressed in gray non-descript clothing, possibly a shortsleeve gray checkered shirt with a collar, and grey pants. Not Levi’s. His hair was cut short and also gray, but he was not old.

The cat I saw running was white, and I saw another white cat before that. I expected the object in the large cattail to be a cat, but it was some kind of bug. The running cat was all white except for some black spots on its left front leg. In the dream, I did realize that my mother was dead, or at lest later on I did. Initially I could see her, but then she disappeared when the man in black walked away from her. I then walked up to the man in black, and said, “This is about my mother, isn’t it,” and he said yes. That was when I saw the two Jews. I believe when I turned back, the man in black had turned into the man in gray.

The strange building was very large, but I don’t believe it was a temple, but more likely was a hotel, an empty hotel, but it was fake and put there for me. the man said as much. I noticed the molding and walls were artificial and not substantial. It was as if they were created in cyberspace with software. It had texture but wasn’t sophisticated.

Posted in 15 Jul 2011 Mother Dream with Strange People, July 2011 | Comments Off  

20 Jun 2011 Love vs Lust – Mortality vs Immortality

Last night I practiced Active Imagination to resolve some issues relative to this mystery project on which I’m currently working. I hadn’t actually worked on it in several days, and I went into the session seeking a solution to a character problem, specifically whether to allow a character to live or have them die after a few chapters, but not really expecting a concrete answer. This has been a tough issue and has been lying around unresolved for some time, but once I opened the Iris and started viewing scenarios, I quite quickly learned that keeping her alive led to a dead end. However, with her death, my protagonist’s life and the storyline started to grow, and I could see far into the future. It was as if I could actually see into my character’s life as it filled up the story. The one character’s death provided a liberating effect on all my characters and allowed them to fulfill their potential.

In addition to resolving this one character’s longevity issue, I also started having revelations concerning the Premise of my novel. I now realize that it is Mortality vs Immortality. I’ve not yet decided which will overcome the other, but I suspect Mortality will overcome Immortality, a very Cosmic Premise. At the character level, I now believe that the Premise is Love vs Lust. I’ve also not yet decided which of these forces will overcome the other, although I suspect Love overcomes Lust. I’m trying to keep my personal views out of this, sort of not trying to impose my brand of morality, and allow the story to play out according to the way the brutal world works.

Another thing that gained ground was my knowledge of the relationship between my characters and each character’s “domain of influence.” My protagonist is the executive, the one who executes their joint decisions. The girlfriend is the strategist, and the boyfriend is the philosopher. The three of them form a trinity that transcends what they could accomplish individually. They need each other, rather desperately.

All in all, this was a very productive Active Imagination session. I went in and out of sleep while thinking about my novel, and it seemed to stay at the edge of my consciousness throughout the night. I now have my laptop repaired, so I’m back to typing while practicing Active Imagination.

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26a May 2011 Active Imagination vs Internal Dialogue

Anyone who has experienced insomnia understands what is meant by the term “internal dialogue.” When I wake at night, my mind is generally a whirr of conversations that reflect all my insecurities, favorite outrages, and self-serving fantasies. These are all egocentric, and generally result in nothing constructive.

What a pleasure it is to set all this aside and practice a little Active Imagination to further work on a novel or other writing project. If you’ve adequately prepared yourself just before sleep by reviewing your project and deciding what you’d like to work on during your period of insomnia, you’ll be all set. Once you wake, your mind will probably already be actively involved in some internal dialogue scenario, but you can set this aside, clear out a psychic space (I open the Iris of Time), and start Active Imagination around what you’ve chosen as the subject from your writing project. You should be able to drop into the subject matter quite easily, and the creative juices should be flowing like a torrent.

If your ego steps in front of your Active Imagination session with some more non-sense, you can brush it aside, and continue the creative work. With this technique, you can learn to see into your own mind. There you will find the characters and the myths that will drive your stories. Sounds like a healthy alternative to me.

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26 May 2011 A Secret Project Using Active Imagination to Write Fiction

I must admit that I’m working on a secret project. It’s a novel, and I’m using AI to write it. I’m already heavily involved. It’s much different from anything I’ve ever previously written. Highly imaginative. I can’t disclose the project, but I can provide a discussion of what I’m learning.

When you use AI for writing fiction, you should be primed to learn something. You should be in search of something. It could even be an idea for a novel, or short story. Or a screenplay. But you need to go in wanting to explore something. It’s best to familiarize yourself with your story, or at least what you know about it, just before you try AI. Once you get the material using AI, you might notice that it retains some of the characteristics of the Unconscious. Characters seem to have more depth because they came from the Unconscious. It’s easier to expand their character. They seem to retain their autonomy.

When you go into AI, using the pentagon as your guide for thinking about characters provides a framework and a starting point that will lead somewhere. First you should think about the character and his or her arc. That will provide a frame work for seeing inside the character. Each plot point within the character arc helps define the character. You should do this for both the antagonist and protagonist. Remember that the character pentagram is a mandala. Even the story ar pentagon is also a mandala. The pentagon is always a mandala and determines the character’s life course to attempt individuation.

Then you can move on to think about characters in relationship to the person they are in conflict with. Another thing is to let your character grow beyond his or her pentagon. These are the major milestones, but the character is be bigger than just the milestones. And so is your novel bigger than its pentagon.

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12 May 2011 Stability of Images During Active Imagination

I believe I have finally figured out what is kicking me out of my visual images during my Active Imagination sessions. I am trying to see with my eyes.  When I do have an image pop into view, I try to focus on it. By that I mean I am trying to use my eyes to see it, but my eye vision plays no part in what I’m seeing. I should not try to focus on any one part of the image because that is eye seeing, and I’m seeing with my mind which doesn’t have an eye, never mind the old cliché of “the mind’s eye.” It doesn’t exist. Instead I should let the image have its own method of presentation. This has nothing to do with eye vision. I believe that’s the reason I have difficulty seeing and remembering faces. Facial recognition requires pinpoint attention focusing, which I don’t have in Active Imagination. I must learn to relax and take in the whole image, just let the image happen within my consciousness. This is difficult to do because when we see something interesting, immediately it attracts the eye, and that is the place where we want to focus our attention. But the images that come from the Unconscious must be viewed without focusing the attention controlling device.

To summarize, I believe this new method of seeing during Active Imagination has two aspects. The first is to forget about eye vision. The second is to not use the attention placement of our brain. These are two separate mechanisms, both of which are destructive to the images being made available by to Consciousness by the Unconscious.

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10 May 2011 Changing Sleep Patterns Due to Active Imagination

Having developed a technique for adapting Active Imagination to writing fiction, I would now like to discuss what the effect of all this on my sleep patterns. I’ve been practicing Active Imagination for the past year. I’ve found it to be difficult to practice continuously. It seems to be, at least for me, a cyclical process, where I do it religiously for a while and then lose interest, so much so that it’s difficult to engage myself in it.

But what has it done to my sleep patterns? I had been engage in an activity that resembled Active Imagination for the past twenty years. I’ve always had insomnia, and I would use these times of wakefulness to work on a novel in progress. But my use of Active Imagination has taken that activity to a new level.

I now have a more companionable relationship to both my insomnia and my dreams. I don’t mean that I have demystified either the insomnia or dreams, it’s just that I’m more comfortable with them. I’m not so uncomfortable with my unpleasant dreams, and the ones that seem meaningful are even more important to me.

Going to bed each night is an adventure. I look forward to experiencing my dreams, remembering them and recording them. I also look forward to delving into a subject and experiencing the deep thought patters that occur close to the sleep state. Writing quiets and in many ways replaces the internal dialogue used to occupy me during my periods of insomnia. I don’t worry so much.

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10a May 2011 Primitive Man and Darkness

I’ve learned to appreciate darkness. For a while when I lived in New Mexico, I became interested in darkness and learning to function within it. I used to leave the lights off in my home in the evening and walk about in the dim light of the moon coming in through the windows. I would walk outside in my yard and stand in darkness listening to the sounds of the night. I found that the neighborhood dogs didn’t particularly appreciate that , and I had to be careful or they would attack me. Night is a special time, and it creates a different type of consciousness.

Primitive man must have had a strange relationship with darkness. The discovery of fire would have changed all that. Fire creates an oasis in darkness as water does in a desert, and people flock to it. Without the light from fire, primitive man would have been vulnerable to wild animals, but could also have been a predator. We have better night vision than we think, and we can experience it if we will allow ourselves a hour of darkness to fully adapt. Without fire, primitive man would have had no choice but to use his night vision. We don’t even realize we have night vision, much less experience it and learn how to negotiate the night world. I suspect man was a formidable predator at night. He could have been adept at caching roosting birds. They could have formed a large portion of his diet.

But the psychic state is different at night. We experience our own mind differently in darkness. The Unconscious is more accessible, and we can make better use of it. We also experience each other differently at night. Each of us is then closer tour own Collective Unconscious, and in a group, we would be different social animals. Primitive man didn’t just sleep with when it was dark. During the long winter nights without fire, they would have had communal activities of which we currently know nothing.

I would like to propose an experiment. I would like for a group of people to isolate themselves in the mountains. In the evenings and during the night, they would all come together to sleep in separate beds but in one large room. During the early part of the evening they would share their thoughts in a group activity. It would be important to not have separate groups but to be of one mind. They would all practice Active Imagination and would report their activities, their psychic experiences to the others real time. It doesn’t have to occur in total darkness, but it should be dark enough that no one could get up and walk around without a red light. During the day, each member of the group would write of their experience the night before, plus they would also document their dreams.

During the night, they could have a section of the room partitioned where members could go to discuss their dreams that they had just had. People could go there who have they could practice active Imagination by writing in their notebook computer with all lights on it turned off.

This would be an experiment in primitive living. Perhaps someone has already thought of this and has formed such a group.

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08 May 2011 Five Levels of Active Imagination for Novelsmiths

My first recommendation to an author who wishes to incorporate Jung’s Active Imagination into their writing process is to be patient with yourself and the process. The process develops and perfects itself over time, and since it is at once both a specific process and in many ways an unimaginable one, you must experience it for yourself to learn to work with it. Also, this isn’t for the timid or the mentally disturbed. Back off when you need to, and stop altogether if you get into trouble. Seek a therapist if you really run into trouble.

Anyone contemplating trying these techniques should realize that first and foremost they are techniques that I have developed and found useful. They are not based on some statistical research of many practitioners. Approach this subject matter with discretion.

All the techniques identified below presuppose that the author has laid a lot of groundwork to familiarize himself with his fictional world and characters, as well as the issues that provide meaning to the story. Of course, deficiencies in any one or all of these may be the reason the author is interested in pursuing Active Imagination, and this is fine. It’s just that the more primed the mind, the more assured the author can be of success.

I have identified five levels of Active Imagination. The more advanced levels also involve the dream state. It’s advisable for the author to read two books to familiarize himself with Jung’s dream interpretation method and his Active Imagination process. These books are: Jung on Active Imagination and Children’s Dreams (primarily Chapter 1: “On the Method of Dream Interpretation”).

Level One. Level One is undoubtedly what you already do with your normal writing process. You sit at your computer and type while imagining your story. This process has worked well throughout the ages, although it’s not been recognized as related Jung’s Active Imagination. It is a hybrid process where the author is unaware of the connection with his Unconscious. The author may then augment this with what Burroway calls “freewriting” and “clustering” (Writing Fiction, 4-12) to let the Unconscious have a say in the process.

Level Two. This is the first step in adapting Jung’s Active Imagination to writing fiction. It is a deeper psychic state that pulls more heavily on content from the Unconscious. This is also a daytime process, but while using it, you have your eyes closed, and although you may be typing at the time, you focus on the space you have cleared within your psyche to consciously practice Active Imagination. You go into the space with a particular purpose in mind. You seek out settings within your novel, explore roads, avenues, buildings, but also encounter psychic entities with whom you makes contact and actively engage them in conversation. In all probability, these entities will be your characters. Once the session is complete, you take that material and adapts it to your work in progress.

Level Three. This level of Active Imagination occurs at night, either just before sleep, after waking in the middle of the night, or just after waking in the morning. You can do it either with or without actively recording it as it happens in a notebook computer or afterward, if your memory serves you well.

Level Four. The fourth level of Active Imagination occurs when you again clear away the psychic space and try to enter a visual and auditory state at the very edge of dreaming. You are at the event horizon of the Black Hole. You always go into the state with a purpose, but still leave yourself open to whatever comes, within reason. You will see images if your psyche will permit it. These are essentially dream images, and you are very close to the dream state, but with practice, you can at times achieve a certain stability at the edge of the abyss. In time, you can learn to prolong this state until it becomes an extremely productive session. You cannot actively record what is happening because it will pull you out of the state. You will either have to rely on your memory or after experiencing the images and perhaps voices, you will have to interrupt the session to record it, essentially dropping back to the previous state of Active Imagination. Then you will record the images and voices and be actively adding to the experience because Active Imagination contaminates memory. The more you try to remember, the more you are creating what happened. This state may also be used casually to familiarize yourself with the setting of your novel. You can enter the fictional world, walk around, talk to people related and unrelated to your story and visit locations that you will never use as a setting.

Level Five. The fifth level is practiced anytime just before sleep. In this technique, you actively take your story, or an element of it, into the dream state with you. You can engage one or more of your characters using Active Imagination and then have them accompany you into your dream. This is an attempt to profoundly affect the nature of the dream. It may take on many forms. When coming out of the dream state after a long sleep, you can try to transition the dream into one related to the novel, adapting the material of the dream as a template to learn more about your story. You may well transition to level four and continue the session. Once you have obtained some content, you can pick up your notebook and drop back to level three, typing out what you remember and augmenting it with whatever your imagination provides to supplement your memory.

Not everything you experience in in any of these levels will be associated with your story. The psyche has a mind of its own, and sometimes its issues and intent will superseded yours. Do not fight this or even be disappointed in what happens. The objective is to entice your Unconscious to help you with your writing, not to beat it into a slave of your process. Your Unconscious is adaptable, and you should work with it, always being cognizant of its wishes, nature, and limitations. This is a partnership, one built on trust and goodwill, and you should not abuse your Unconscious with demands incompatible with its nature.

[This post also appears on JungianNovelsmithing.com.]

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30 Apr 2011 Interaction Between Recalling Dreams and Active Imagination

02:30 am. I have noticed lately while trying to remember a dream that my powers of creativity want to participate. As I see it, this is Active Imagination actively supplementing the memory of my dream, creating content to flesh it out. It’s as if the act of trying to remember pulls content from my Unconscious that is adjacent to or stands between my Consciousness and the dream. This can be good when writing fiction but is not so great when trying to get an accurate description of a dream.

As we all know, dreams at times relate to what has been going on in the real world: real world concerns, fears, desires. However, when an author concentrates on his novel during the day, and particularly at night just before sleep, he predisposes himself toward raising those issues, character issues, in his dreams. The author can then mine his dreams for material that will be useful in his novel. First write out the dream as best you can remember. You can then steal the emotion from a dream, or you can take the structure of a confrontation, encounter, scene, setting from a dream and adapt it to your story. As you adapt it, you can also use Active Imagination to augment the material, a process similar to that currently causing contamination when I try to remember a dream. The good news is that you don’t have to be concerned about plagiarism.

I’ve also noticed lately that my ability to contact my Unconscious is cyclical. At times when I close my eyes and open the Iris of Time, I see images, and at others, it just isn’t possible. I can always force Active Imagination, but the psychic entities I meet don’t seem to have the autonomy they do at night. It could well be that other techniques may work just as well, if not better, during the times when Active Imagination is at a low point. Then, it is possible that daytime writing creativity may be at a high. I’ll have to investigate that further.

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01 May 2011 Flying in Australia

01:40 am. When I wake from a dream, my first inclination is to believe that it was meaningless and that I shouldn’t bother recording it. That happened again tonight.

I was in Australia walking the countryside along a dirt road. I was in hilly country, and it was quite green. Off the edge of the road below me, I could see things that interested me, the only one of which I can now remember was a kangaroo. When the road sloped down ward, I could loft into the air and hover just above the ground, and I did this a few time because it felt incredibly good to fly. If I got off the road, where the ground sloped rapidly downward, and I tried the floating thing, I could get high up in the air, and that wasn’t good because I could hurt myself when I landed. But I did anyway, and I drifted out over the countryside, and I eventually landed somewhere out in the wilderness. Or at least I thought it was a wilderness, but I soon found a large barbed-wire fence that prevented me from walking further. It seemed that the fences are much higher in Australia than in America, the wire strands farther apart. In the corner of the field I found a section of the fence where the second strand from the bottom was loose, and I crawled though. I was close by a river, and I walked along its bank. The river was fast running and had cut a ravine through the countryside, too steep for me to crawl down to the water.

But it turns out that I was still inside the fence, or a fence, and I soon came to a large gate at a dairy. I peered inside and could see the cows that were in a holding pen inside a barn waiting to be milked. The cows were also much larger than American cows, perhaps ten feet tall at the hips. I then saw a woman who was in overalls and working at the dairy. At first I frightened her, but I told her that I was just lost and trying to find my way out. She took pity on me and led me through the barn and to an exit. But as I was walking away from the dairy, I went past some people eating at a large outdoor table. The owner spoke to me, and I told him that I had been raised on a small twenty-cow dairy, which is true. He asked me a few questions, and was interested.

I then walk on away from the dairy, but the scene and my circumstances had changed. The woman who had been escorting me out of the dairy was now young and beautiful, and we were walking along a walkway with other people at a university. I was no longer in Australia. The young woman was in love with me and wanted to get married. I was a younger man than I am now, but still older than she was. Still she wanted us to get married, and as we walked, I questioned her about her feelings and became excited myself at the prospect of us of being married and starting a new life with this person, this young woman who I loved so much. We had our arms around each other as we walked, and life just seemed this magnificent adventure with the two of us going through life together.

And then I woke.

This bit about me believing that my dreams are trivial is important. I believe that it is just another way my Consciousness has of beating up on my Unconscious. Perhaps, it is the way we hold reality in check and don’t allow content form the Unconscious to flood in and destroy reality. The paradox is that we seem to get our culture from the Unconscious, all cultural aspects of human existence being projected outward upon to the real world.  That is the way we preserve our sanity. That is the reason the really creative, the geniuses, frequently border on insanity.

What is so startling about my feelings for some of these women is the depth of my feeling for them. It is more than love, and I’m not sure how to describe it. The feeling implies a sense of worth that is inherent in her, also integrity, but life with her means essentially life itself has been elevated to a higher plane, one of worth, integrity, and purposeful existence. Anything else seems barren and meaningless. My love for her is complete, and I have no doubts about us. I seem to have known each of these women who affect me this way for quite a while. We have a history.

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29 Apr 2011 Another Young Woman

08:45 am. Just woke from a rather amazing dream. It started out as sort of a miss direction dream with me back in high school starting a beginning algebra class. The instructor was quite young. He sat in a chair before the blackboard writing an equation on it. He was having difficulty understanding what he was doing and fell silent, mumbling to himself. I started to tell him that I could help because I’d had the class before, but then didn’t want to embarrass him. Then the dream abruptly switched to its second phase.

I was again at a high school, but not there as a student. I had just been made the football coach, if you can imagine that. I was talking to a man who was perhaps the athletic director, and he was giving me a little advice. Later that day I’d meet for the first time with the players and have our first practice. He said something about them lacking confidence, but with a lot of hard work they’d gain confidence, and the first time they put on their game uniforms, a great change would come over them, and they’d see themselves in an entirely new light. He gave me a folder, and I left to find my office.

When I entered the office area, which was a bullpen, all the people there seemed really excited to see me. But one young woman came up to me, took hold of my face. I thought she was going to kiss me, but she didn’t. She was very attractive, very thin, but with a rather sharp, thin nose. She seemed really familiar, like someone I should remember from the real world, but I don’t. She looked at the corner of my mouth. Seems it was red, and she was worried about me. We walked arm and arm along the isle talking, but a rather large man seated at the side took hold of her and leaned her way back, as would someone dancing with her. Then I took her from him, and we walked together to the far side of the building that was open and without anyone present. The wall was made of large windows where we could see out, and we stood before one of the windows and talked. She said something about the two of us, and I said, “The two of us, you and me, now that would really be something.” I thought she might be offended that I would consider the two of us being a couple, but surprisingly she said that my statement surprised her. “I’ve been serious about you for a long time, David. And I thought we were really becoming close, but you told me that lately you had become disappointed in me, and that it just wasn’t working.” Then she said something that didn’t seem right. She said that I’d told her that the physics book was getting slow toward the end, and that I didn’t care for it much.

That was the end of the dream.

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25 Apr 2011 A Woman with Freckles

05:00 am. Just had a dream about a woman with a beautiful dusting of freckles across he the bridge of her nose and cheeks. They small round dots, dark brown. She was a rather bosomy woman with a light yellow skirt and a white blouse. My son and I were in her place of business, and she was telling us about someone who made and sold clothes or fancy curios of some sort. She lived in the mountains, and the woman with the freckles was giving us directions. The woman with the freckles was quite beautiful, and when she reached up on a bulletin board to get the address, I noticed that she had on a wedding ring, which didn’t surprise me, and I thought of how her husband must be proud of her. She walked us to the door, and she stopped for a second because she had dropped her pacemaker. I said, “Yes, you certainly wouldn’t want to lose that.” She stood thinking about what I’d said but didn’t respond. Then she took the cord to her pacemaker and plugged it in back by the door of her refrigerator. Completely ridiculous now, but didn’t seem so at the time.

05:45 am. Another dream about a woman. This woman smaller, thinner, dark hair thin, very pretty. We were talking. She was single. She mentioned a symbol I had on my belt, a triangular shaped symbol. She said that I wore a lot of them and that she liked them. She talked softly. I could barely hear her. She leaned toward me and said it again. We liked each other. She was rather exotic but not foreign. Really nice.

I remember now that I’d had a dream before this last one. I had been sleeping with a woman in her home, but she had left she had left, but I was still there in bed or perhaps there on the couch when where we’d slept together. I was turned toward the wall, but I could tell that someone one else was in the house, or apartment. Her home was small. Then it seemed that the police were there. Perhaps I had called them because I was afraid. I went through a door off the living room and into her bedroom. A policeman went with me. The room was full of clothes and so were the closets, multitudes of soft delicate fabric. The policeman went to a curtain and pulled it back. See, he said, no one is here. I’m not sure that the other people were police. They seemed too informal and helpful. They wee there to support me. I was afraid the woman had a husband who was therein the house. I don’t know. She wasn’t married.

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24 Apr 2011 Home Invasion

04:00 am. I just woke from a c dream about a home invasion. I had moved from one part of the country to another with my parents. We had unpacked, and it was nighttime. My mother was tired and went to bed. I tried to tell her something, but then remembered that she was very old and almost deaf and couldn’t hear me. I watched her walk away from me into the bedroom where my father was already sleeping. I went back into the living room and saw where she had been working with some Johnson’s wax for waxing hardwood floors but she’d been doing something else with it and had left a large blotch of it in the carpet among a stack of rags. I started cleaning it up, when I turned around to see two men standing behind me. I asked me what they were doing there, but they didn’t answer. Everything was quite a mess from the move. They started looking around. One of them went into the kitchen to look for food. I told them to leave, but they acted as if they didn’t hear me. I then went into my bedroom to get a handgun because that was the only way I was going to get rid of them. I found my pistol easily and took out the magazine to load it, but I couldn’t find my bullets. While I was looking for them, my cousin, who I didn’t realize was there, stuck his head in the door, and asked who those men were. I told him that I didn’t know and was going to run them off. Since I couldn’t find any bullets, I decided to put the magazine back in empty and go back out with the pistol to bluff them into leaving. When I tried to shove the magazine back into the pistol, it wasn’t the right one and jammed. I pulled it back out., and went back in the living room where the men were still rumbling around in my things. I then found my bullets and was trying to load the handgun when my uncle, maybe two uncles came in. I told them what was happening, but they didn’t seem much interested. I believe the men then left. My uncle wanted a piece of cake. He was hungry., and I remembered that we had a couple of pieces left from one we’d been eating. It was on a piece of cardboard, and I took it to him. I then went back to try loading my pistol, but when I opened the box of cartridges, the bullets had spoiled as if they were made of a vegetable substance. The lead had liquefied. One of them shriveled before my eyes and fell out of the shell. My cousin told me that they were no longer any good. I still wanted to find the men who had invaded my home. I was going to shoot them. I remember saying that I was going to kill one of them. I said that I hated to kill a man, but I would if they broke into my home.

This was a long rather complete and continuous dream. I’ve not had one like that in a while.

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22 Apr 2011 The Ancient Text

07::00 am. Last night I had a strange dream. It came in two parts, but now I can’t remember the first part at all. Even the second part is hazy. I was in a woodshop working with a friend of mine who has done a lot of carpentry. We had several large sheets of rough plywood, and we were making the leaves of a book from them. We were going to record the script of an ancient text we’d received. We kept hearing some words spoken, words that we kept saying almost like a mantra. It is tempting to say that the words were, “The Messiah is coming,” but then this doesn’t seem quite right. My carpenter friend kept saying that the book wasn’t coming out right because the plywood was too warped and rough. The wood book was very large, maybe three feet wide and seven feet long, perhaps eight inches thick. It was bound at one end by leather straps. Later we had a young retarded man with us. I’m not sure who he was, but he seemed to be someone special and was helping us put the book together. Don’t know the content of the ancient text. It was not translated.

I wanted to write this dream down right after I dreamed it, but the memory then was already hazy, and I was very sleepy.

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21 Apr 2011 The Author’s First Novel

[Might want to reference my chapter in Novelsmithing titled "The Psychology of Creativity" before reading the following.]

I’ve been reading Jung’s Psychology and Alchemy, and last night I ran into the following quote:

The “personal unconscious” must be dealt with first, that is, made conscious otherwise the gateway to the collective unconscious cannot be opened. [page 62]

I found this to be a startling statement. A little further on, Jung discusses a dream where reaching “the seventh” references climbing a stairs. Jung says,

“If this interpretation–that the “seventh” represents the highest state of illumination–is correct, it would mean in principle that the process of integrating the personal unconscious was at an end. Thereafter the collective unconscious would begin to open up…” [page 63]

A well known phenomenon in publishing is that an author’s first work is generally a coming-of-age novel and autobiographical. This is certainly true of me. My first complete novel was The Escape of Bobby Ray Hammer. It is set in my hometown and during my high school years. It’s a first person narration. The main character is much different from me, and yet, also very much me. I wrote this novel during my five years of psychotherapy. I had started the novel as an exercise for a creative writing class taught by the poetRenate Wood who had suggested that we write a short piece about someone as different from ourselves as possible. Of course, that immediately opened me up to my personal unconscious, my shadow. I was in a really “hot” psychological state while writing that assignment, and I expanded it into the novel I recently published. I’m rather certain that writing that novel is what threw me into psychotherapy.

Shortly after completing therapy, I lost my job and instead of finding another, I elected to stay unemployed and immediately began planning a trip of several weeks to Greece. I’d felt that my therapy was somehow incomplete. I had been introduced to Carl Jung’s writings (again by Renate Wood), and I thought that constructing a personal mythology might bring it all to a close. At the end of three years from the time I got laid off, I completed my travel journal that I titled Oedipus on a Pale Horse.

I then set to work on another novel titled The Mysteries, A Novel of Ancient Eleusis. But the point I want to get across is that this new novel was not about me. It was a historical novel set in Ancient Greece. I believe that, just as Jung stated, I had integrated my personal unconscious, and that my collective unconscious had begun to open up. I believe all novelsmiths go through this process in one form or another. Our first works deal mainly with leftover stuff from childhood, and our later works deal more with archetypal phenomena. My belief is that we are always dealing with a mixture of both the personal and collective unconscious, but that we deal more with the personal in our early works and the collective more so in our later ones.

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20 Apr 2011 Torturing the Dream

04:30 am. Just woke from a dream. I was with two women in a field, and we were looking up into a large tree that we were considering climbing. One of the women was older and possibly a teacher. The other was a friend of mine, a girlfriend that I’d been going with for only a short while. Perhaps we’d only been on one date. They were on the far side of the tree talking, and I was looking up into the tree for a strong horizontal limb I could hand hang from. I saw some strong limbs high up in the tree, but they were too high if I should fall. The two women left, and I was alone. I continued to look for a moment, and then I followed in the direction they had gone. I remember hearing music, and that I was happy. I thought how lucky I was to be going to a school where I could hear music like that. I may have been in a car. But then I was walking again. I was on my way to class when I ran into the two women again. My new girlfriend looked back at me when we passed, and I turned back to look at her. She told me that she didn’t have a chance to get a hug before we parted. I put my arms around her but something from my chest, a paper napkin brushed across her face. It was a napkin she’d put there when we were at the tree. (Don’t know what that napkin was about.) But then I hugged her. Felt really great to hug her. And then the dream ended.

I started to continue this dream using AI, but somehow it seemed that I shouldn’t, that I would spoil the integrity of the dream. I call this process, where I continue the situation of the dream with AI when I shouldn’t, “torturing the dream.” Somehow it is not always appropriate.

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19 Apr 2011 The Man Who Was All Head

05:15 am. I’ve been having a long somewhat discontinuous dream for a significant portion of the night, or so it seems. It started out with me being with a three or four business associates on a business trip. Evidently we were in Madera, California. We all lived in Chowchilla (where I grew up), just fifteen miles away, but we planned to spend the night in Madera, for some reason. We were in a bar having a good time. One of the men, and I believe we were all engineers, was wondering if he should go out with a certain woman he’d been hooking up with. I couldn’t understand his problem. I asked him if he really cared about her, and he said that he did. I told him that he should definitely go with her. But then I asked him if he was married because I saw his ring finger, and even though he wasn’t wearing a ring, it looked as if I could see a depression that indicated he usually did wear one. He said that, yes, he was married. And then I told him that he definitely should not go with the woman. I said that we were only fifteen miles from his family, and that surely someone in Madera would know some one in Chowchilla who would know his wife. He’d get caught. But more than that, he just shouldn’t do that to his wife. I asked him if he had kids, and he said that he had three little girls.

At this point in the dream, I’m not sure if I woke or was still dreaming. It seems that I was both dreaming and using Active Imagination. I’m beginning to lose the ability to know the difference.  Anyway, I started giving the man advice concerning his marriage, that he should go home, devote himself to his wife, and little girls and forget this other woman. I told him to think about his little girls, to read to them at night and devote himself to their education.

At this point, I seemed to go completely back into the dream state, but now I was the man with the wife and the little girls. I had started devoting myself to the girls, and I asked my wife to make a choice. Evidently, she’d been seeing another man, or perhaps it was just that she was devoting all her energy to her job. I told her she’d needed to make a choice between her family and whatever else was going on in her life. I seemed to be experiencing this dream both as action and narrative summary, a mixture of each, a rather curious mixture of each, but the narrative summary was summary action, if that makes any sense. I was spending all my time with the girls. I don’t know what had happened to my job or even if I had one at this point. But I was homeschooling the girls. The girls were hazy characters. I don’t know their ages, just that they were these ghostlike children hovering in my presence, all dressed in white, laced, fluffy dresses.

The scene then shifted, and my wife and I were the curators of a museum. Our girls were there with us, although she was in a different part of the museum. The girls were close by, perhaps playing within the museum halls. Several patrons were milling about looking at artifacts. It was an archaeological museum, and my wife and I were archaeologists. One part of the exhibit consisted of a small three-sided room or cubicle. The walls were from an ancient dig but were made of either metal or stone, not sure which, maybe both. The walls contained round holes depressed part way into the walls, several on a side, as if a pole used to span the width of the room, pressing against opposite walls. But what had caught my eye was a little man looking around inside the ancient cubicle. He was the strangest person I’ve ever seen. He was no more than one foot tall, with tiny arms and legs, if he had any at all. He was all head, which was round with almost no hair. He looked artificial, as if made out of glass with deep rich colors. I realized that he was of Native American stock and from South America. He was impressed with the exhibit, mesmerized by the ancient artifacts. I stopped and talked to him for a few moments. He spoke broken English, and he was interested in the artifacts because his ancestors had made them. I asked him where he was from, and he gave me the name of a town, which I can no longer remember. I asked if that was close to Mexico City, and he said yes.

At this point the dream ended.

08:00 am. This morning I woke and while still in the twilight or glow of the sleep state, I tried a little Active Imagination. I was looking for images, as I usually do. My psyche was quite active. Though my room was well lit by sunlight coming in through my bedroom window, I had on my daytime sleep mask. I started seeing a sequence of unconnected images. Some of them were of room, some of faces, some alive, some still lifes. This kept up for perhaps a half hour. The images seemed to be without story content, if as I was seeing a sequence of images that had no story or emotional content. The closer I looked at an image, the more detail I could see at first, but if I tried to see too much detail, the image would evaporate before my eyes. The images were vivid. They were not imagined images as in daydreaming, but images as stark as they would be if I had my eyes open during daytime wakefulness. I’ve experienced this before but never for such a long period of time. This is much different that Active Imagination in the forced state. It is a combination of Active Imagination and the dream state. I have no control over the subject matter as I do with Active Imagination. With Active Imagination I actively force the scenario although it can acquire autonomy and seem to progress on its own with me playing an active part. These images are totally out of my control, but I actively pursue them. I make my mind available to the Unconscious. These images are mostly lifeless, although I did see one image of a girl in which she was moving and smiling. It was just of her face. She was quite cute. If I let the images alone, don’t try to see too much detail, they seem to stick around longer than if I try to concentrate too hard on them. The more I try to hold them, the sooner they disappear.

Yet, all of it is quite impressive.

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18 Apr 2011 War Again

03:40 am. I’ve just had another war dream. This time, we were living under an armistice, a cessation of hostilities that had existed for some time. But someone, a disgruntled soldier, manned one of the cannons pointed into enemy territory and fired it deep into their country. I then realized that it was the Chinese. We had been at war with China. I was certain that they would return fire and kill a bunch of us, lob some mortar round into our midst. I wondered how accurately they could pinpoint from where the shot came. But nothing happened. Still, I ran into a building where other people were going about their daily activities, some of them soldiers. I shouted, “Battle stations!” I shouted that several time in spite of the fact that our commander didn’t think anything was going to happen. But I looked out over the demilitarized zone in the direction of China because someone had seen something. Sure enough, we saw dust rising up along the road north. I climbed a hill to look into the distance, and saw the Chinese digging foxholes.The next thing I remember was seeing and hearing airplanes falling from the sky. Some would fly over, but they would be hit by antiaircraft fire and would eventually crash in the distance. The war had started anew.

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14 Apr 2011 Owls and Butterflies

03:30 am. Sometime during the night, I dreamed that I was back at the old farm where I grew up, or at lest some place similar because the layout of the place wasn’t the same. Off to the west, the sun was setting. My son was with me, and he called my attention to something in the sky. I didn’t know what at first, and he didn’t say, but I saw a formation of geese and said that it was a “V” of geese. He said no, it wasn’t. The formation broke up, and the birds flew toward us. When the birds got close enough that I could see them individually, I said that they were Canada geese, most quite young and small. They landed in a tree right next to us, and some flew on to the barn. By then I could tell that they weren’t geese at all but owls, owls flying in daylight. Not an usual occurrence. When I looked closely at the birds in the tree, which was covered with flowers, I could tell that the owls were trapped within the limbs and leaves of the tree and didn’t have limbs clasped tightly in their claws. They were too tired from flying to roost properly. One of the birds fell to the ground because it was so tired, but then I saw that it was a young bird, hardly able to fly and that it was after a butterfly. We were engulfed in a storm of butterflies. The birds had been chasing the butterflies and eating them. Butterflies and birds were all about us.

And then I fell back asleep.

Later on, when I woke again, I remembered the dream, and I wanted to use an Active Imagination session to investigate the meaning of the pentagon and the dodecahedron that I have been contemplating relative to my new book Jungian Novelsmithing. I envisioned my plot diagram that I’ve put in the shape of the pentagon, and imagined at its center the whirling dervish, and I thought of each of the plot points or story milestones (MS). The ancient Greeks believed each point of the pentagon represented the four elements, the four bottom points representing earth, air, fire and water. The fifth point at the very top, they envisioned as representing the divine element of existence. I saw MS1 as earth, from which all thing evolved and as does the story. MS2 I envisioned as air. This is the point in the story where the central conflict is lofted in the air, where it takes on new meaning and soars. Whereas MS1 is traveling along the ground, MS2 is flying. MS3 is the divine element and represents the reversal in the central plot, and I’ll have to think about that some. This is the mid point in the novel and the reversal comes from some divine element or influence on the story. MS4 is fire. This is where the anguish of choice is all-important, and this is the fire within the caldron of the psyche that is in turmoil. MS5 is water, and this is where the central conflict is resolved. Water puts out the fire of conflict. And we are again back to ground level. The whirling dervish at the center of the pentagon is the narrator who spins the story.

Plot Pentagon

Plot Pentagon

I also thought of the dodecahedron, and how the ancient Greeks embroider something on each surface. I imagine each embroidery would be of one of the twelve gods. Zeus and Hera at the top and bottom pentagons and the other ten gods, five male and five female, apportioned one pentagon each.  At the center of the dodecahedron is an individual, in our case the central narrator of the story. Each of the pentagons represent a subplot and governed over by a god and told by a sub narrator, the entire novel then put together by an uber-narrator at the dodecahedron’s center.

At Delphi over the entrance was the single letter epsilon, E. Plutarch wrote a famous essay titled “The E at Delphi” wherein he discussed the meaning of that E. He said that it had two meanings in ancient Greek: “I am” and “Thou art”. He preferred the first because it he believed that it meant the god saying, “I am” meaning that he, the god, does exist, a proclamation of his own existence, and the existence of the divine world. However, the other inscription at Delphi was “Know thyself” and was addressed to the pilgrim coming in search of enlightenment. Also all the oracles at Delphi were given to enlighten the pilgrim. So I believe the “E” at Delphi was also addressed to the pilgrim and meant, “Thou art,” meaning that we are, that we, each of us, are eternal.

Back in one of my first AI sessions, I was shown a wall within which was a large circular object that to me at the time was like a gigantic bank vault. Later I came to believe it might have been a mandala. But later still I came to suspect it was a door, a gateway into the Collective Unconscious. It is what I now call the Iris of Time. I believe that when I step into the Iris, which is in the shape of a pentagon, I enter the divine world, and as I walk through, it closes behind me and then I’m encapsulated within a dodecahedron that represents the Universe, each pentagon representing an element of the divine. But the dodecahedron also represents the novel, so that I imagine all these elements impinging on the story. This is sort of like the zodiac twirling about the earth. Only here, within the Iris of Time, I’m surrounded by the divine world, and have access to each of the twelve gods or elements of divine knowledge.

Human existence is a balancing act, wherein we juggle the elements of conflict to sustain existence. The ancient Greeks were fond of the weaving metaphor, even assigning to the Fates the spinning, apportioning, and cutting of the thread of life. Conflict can be viewed as the weaving of contradictory views of the same subject, the warp and woof of the fabric of life. Our lives then are woven upon a fabric of conflict. We embroider our lives upon the fabric of conflict held in suspension by our willingness to accept both sides of conflict, our faith in life and that it is worth finding a transcendent path that exists above the conflict, willing to accept simultaneous opposing views and not trying to resolve them, but each making allowances for and accommodating the other. When the conflict becomes unstable, we have story.

If a writer had a particularly Christian bent to storytelling, he might envision the dodecahedron as the twelve Disciples the twelve pentagons as the twelve Disciples of Christ with Christ as the narrator in the center telling his story to the author. Christ was a great storyteller, spinning many parables in the New Testament, and this might be a useful metaphor within which a Christian author can take inspiration. The Author could then allow the character of each Disciple to influence one of the subplots. Each Disciple would be a sub narrator with Christ the guiding influence in the center of the dodecahedron.

This then was my AI session concerning the dodecahedron. And all of it was accomplished within the context of the dream of the owls and butterflies, using that dream to stake out the ground from which I could position myself within psychic space, and perhaps the Collective Unconscious.

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13 Apr 2011 The Dead Girl

3:30 am, I just woke from a dream about a girl who had died, and someone, perhaps her parents, wanted her back. She’d been buried a long time, or perhaps partially cremated. They took what was left of her and reconstructed her DNA. But they couldn’t get her full DNA sequence, so they spliced her DNA with the DNA from something else. I’m not totally convinced that it was human DNA. Why they would use the DNA of an animal, I’m not sure. But the person born from this partially human and partially animal DNA was now alive and among us. (I could get this story to really grow if I allowed myself to develop it right now with AI, but I need to get my dream documented.)

Then my dream shifted, and it seemed that I might be that person with partially human DNA. I was grown and in the old house that my grandfather built where I lived for seven years. The house was dark, and I was in the l kitchen looking out the window toward the front yard. In the dark, I could see my car with the motor running outside the fence. Someone was in it. The car headlights were shining into the darkness, and out of that darkness a Jeep gradually appeared, sitting abandoned. I heard a voice, “The village elders are afraid of us,” it said. It was a woman’s voice, I believe. I immediately thought of my novel, The Twice-Born. I then realized that what the voice was telling me was that the village elders who saw Myrrhine and Theonoe would be afraid of them because they believed both were dead. This would particularly be true of at Eleusis, but probably also in Thebes. Any time anyone recognized them, they would be afraid of them.

I then remembered a cave that I saw while walking the countryside around Thebes when I was there in ninety-three. It was a shallow cave with two entrances. And I remember thinking then that Antigone had died in such a cave. Myrrhine could be living in such a cave, and it could be the same one in which Antigone died.  While I was there in Thebes, outside the cave, which had two entrances, I saw a strange structure made of wood and sheets of clear plastic. I wondered what it was at the time, but couldn’t come up with anything. I now wonder if it wasn’t one of Plato’s geometric solids. I believe it was a pyramid. It struck me at the time that it could have been a temporary structure for some pagan ritual. I must look into this.

Strange Structure Outside Cave in Thebes

Strange Structure Outside Cave in Thebes

This voice I heard tonight was not threatening. But I did hear, or could have heard if I chose to do so, another voice that was frightening. I am not Carl Jung, and I don’t permit myself to engage just anything that comes to me from within my Unconscious. At times, I sense great evil there. At times in my past, I had been on the verge of having my consciousness overrun by something from my Unconscious. This was deeply terrifying. Again, I question Jung’s advice to accept whatever comes during AI. Not everything I encounter there has my best interest at heart. As I was told in another of my AI sessions, Evil, true Evil, is not a part of the human experience, but is a foreign influence from the spiritual world. I don’t believe the human psyche can withstand the influence of everything encountered there, i.e., the Collective Unconscious. I’m not sure a therapist could help if I allowed myself to deal with true Evil. Some things we should avoid developing a relationship with.

The process of getting material for fiction through dream analysis seems as though it might work. Somehow when I think of my novel The Twice-Born while viewing images of my dream, my novel seems to talk to me. My thoughts about it tonight occurred while I was viewing the Jeep, which was exposed in the darkness by the headlights of my car, which someone else was in. That image seemed to stake out some ground within my Unconscious, and then I could excess access other imaginary content at the periphery of my consciousness, material appropriate to my novel. This might be a process worth pursuing. Whenever I wake from a dream, but the dream being still fresh in my mind, I could hold images from within that dream while contemplating my novel. Also, if I have a lucid dream, I could remember my novel within the lucid dream and see if I can learn things about it while actually dreaming.

The other thing I realized is that I can take the situations within a dream and use them as a template for situations within in my novel. I’ll have to post more about this technique later. But the interesting thing is that I’m beginning to use more of my dream material for writing fiction.

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07 Apr 2011 Dreams – And Something About a Camera?

02:40 am. I just woke and I remember two parts of a dream. In the first part, I was out at night with someone, can’t say who, and we were looking for something, some place. Then we came to an area, looked behind us, and one of them shined a flashlight into a depression in the ground, and it had water in it. They said we could do it there. It hadn’t seemed like we were going fishing, but until then, but then it seemed that we were. I took the flashlight and moved closer. The water was very clear, and it now appeared that we were at the edge of a large pond. I shined the light down further into the water and cold tell that it was deep, much deeper than we thought. Then I shined the light further to the right, and I could see that the pond had other deep places inside coral, and that it had some form of fish that darted about. When I shined the light, they scattered. The people we were with remarked that the pond had several kinds of creatures, prawns, perhaps shrimp. We were pleased and thought this would do fine. We could fish it. Lots of interesting things there in the water.

The next I can remember, we were at a property that we were selling to some old people. Or perhaps the old people owned the property and I was cutting their lawn for them. But no, it seems that we were selling it to them, and I was getting it in shape. I was running a trimmer around the edge of the law cutting the grass, which had already been squared, so that the edge was cut off vertical. I was then just cutting the top of the grass along the edge. But I was also with a woman. I had just told the two old people that I would do the edging better, to suit them. But the woman I was with, perhaps my wife, asked when I would do it. I could see that she was upset about it, so I said if she wanted me too, I would do it right then. I couldn’t understand why she was so upset about it.

And then the dream ended. Both of these dreams seemed to occur at night, or at least when it was relatively dark.

When I woke just now, I was uneasy about myself. I was still suffering some sort of anxiety that I’d had in the dream. But my anxiety while awake concerned me. I’ve had times in my life when I didn’t trust my own psychic process, and I was on the verge of having another episode. I know that I had been concerned about the fishing in the pond, even though it was small. The holes in the coral in the water seemed to draw me to them. Now I’m afraid that I wanted to enter the water, but I don’t remember being concerned about that then, in the dream. Crawling into the holes in the coral down below water level gave me a claustrophobic feeling.

But what I would like to do now is to try to reenter the dream about the hysterical woman, and talk to her. I’ll try this with Active Imagination, but I won’t enter the Iris of Time. I’ll simply try to return to the dream.

“I’m not sure why you’re so upset about the lawn trimming,” I say.

“I just want to make sure it gets done. We need to sell the place, and you know how you are.”

“No, I don’t know how I am. Please, tell me.”

“You’ll let it go, and we’ll never get the place sold.”

“But the elderly couple isn’t even concerned about it.”

“Another reason you’ll put it off.”

“I will do it now.”

“But you do it grudgingly.”

“I don’t see any reason to be concerned, but I have said I’ll do it. But you’re too concerned about it. You’re hysterical.”

“It’s what you’ve done before.”

“I’ll do it now, and you won’t have to be concerned about it.” I take her hands in mine. “It’ll be okay,” I say. “I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to be concerned. See? I’m already doing it. I just wish I could help you not be so concerned. I’m not sure that what I do has anything to do with you being upset.”

“Yes, you are right,” she says. “I don’t know why I’m so concerned. I believe I’m ill. I can’t help the way I feel. It’s just the way I am. This is me.”

“Here. I’ve finished the lawn now. And we’ve established that you’re going to be upset because that’s the way you are. Let’s just accept that as a part of you. I’ll not worry about you being upset. I’ll not contribute to you being upset. We’ll just let your emotional condition be.” I take her hands in mine. “I’m right here. You can rely on me. And I’ll try not to worry about you. Can we go now?” I ask.

“Sure. Just stay close.”

We walk off together, hand in hand.

I didn’t intend to end this AI session this way. I didn’t know why I wanted to go back into the dream, but now I feel better about it. Now that it had a resolution worked out in Active Imagination, I can remember that resolution along with the dream. My psychic space no longer seems so crazy.

I have just thought of a way to use this hysterical woman in The Twice-Born. I can use her along with my characterization of Myrrhine, the priestess of Demeter, who lost her daughter at the end of volume two. I can still sense the presence of the woman in my dream, and she seems to be pleased that she will play that role in my novel. She seems to instinctively understand that she won’t play the complete woman, but only an aspect of her, her paranoia. This will give her a useful role, a place where she can act out her hysteria. Now my task will be not to just simply tolerate this woman’s hysteria, but to remember it in all its detail so that I can not only portray it in my novel, but also try to understand how the hysteria causes her to act under certain situations. My character has a granddaughter that she’ll be traveling with and will have to witness that granddaughter interact with people that Myrrhine knows would like to kill her granddaughter. Having lost the girl’s mother, she’ll become hysterical when the granddaughter is in certain situations. I’m now using characters from within my dreams to add depth to my fictional character. Interacting with these dream characters helps me to understand them, through Active Imagination, become familiar with them, and now I can return to Active Imagination to let them tell me how they will play the character in certain circumstances. This is only one aspect of the character. I’ll use my memory of the character from the first two volumes to determine her actions during other times. But the character eventually has to become whole. This fragmentation should only be temporary, yet I can’t lose contact with my dream woman. I still must be true to her, allow her autonomy.

The last few days, I’ve had this uncomfortable feeling. It’s not a feeling of panic, but a feeling that I don’t believe I’ve felt before. It’s not really a feeling of being lost, but more one of purposelessness. It’s like a blank surface, a dull blank surface that shrouds my purpose. The surface may even be a protection, a shield that protects me from my own anxiety. I’m not sure I want to break though that surface to see, feel, what is on the other side.

04:15 am. I just woke from another dream. I was getting my working tools together just outside my hotel room. I was on the road and getting ready to go somewhere, a doctor’s appointment I believe. I crossed the road to my motel room just as a car came whizzing past. I wondered if the person in the car had seen me. The road was so close to my room, that I was only a few inches from the car as it sped past. I then picked up my keys, one of which was my room key, and I entered my room. I can’t even begin to describe the clutter. I must have been there for a very long time. Many of my things that were thrown about, all sorts of gadgets, were quite old. My boss called to tell me that water was on levels three five and nine where I was working so that I would have to avoid them. I told him I was heading up to San Francisco for a doctor’s appointment and that would take about three hours. He wasn’t pleased, but wasn’t really upset. Just wanted to let you know about the water, he said.

And then I woke. This last part seemed almost as if it was Active Imagination. But I know that I was still asleep, at least I think I was. It’s getting difficult to know what is Active Imagination and what is dreaming. I also have difficulty when I look back on what I’ve written determining if it was a dream or Active Imagination. This business of starting AI from a dream, immediately after a dream, has blurred the line between dreams and AI. Sometimes my dreams seem to be mixtures of dreams and AI. I come and go, back and forth.

Earlier during the night, after I wrote about my first dreams, I started an AI session as an outgrowth of my internal dialogue, my spontaneous thoughts. I can’t now remember what it was about, but I do remember that it was significant. I thought I would remember, but now it’s gone. I barely even remember doing it.

My typing speed during the last few days seems to have escalated considerably. My fingers are much faster than normal. I used to type at sixty works per minute, but now I believe I’m much faster. Don’t know how that happened. I didn’t force it. I just made a quantum leap into a new way of typing. This seems to have something to do with my anxiety also. I’ve been listening to a lot more music lately. That seems to be a lubricant for my mental activities, as if it greases the skids. But my mind seems to be wanting to charge ahead recently. It’s not out of control, but it does want to go faster than normal. Not sure what this is all about.

Now I remember that forgotten AI session. It was about cameras. I had a spontaneous thought about a camera, but a voice spoke to me saying that I didn’t know anything about cameras. I laughed and said that I had been using one for years. Yes, the voice said but you don’t know anything about the real purpose of a camera, what they are really all about. I said that I realized everything in this world was just a metaphor of the divine world, but that I imagined that cameras were used for the same purpose there in the divine world: to capture an image. The person scoffed at me. I believe the person was a woman. She was quite hostile. We continued our dialogue, and she seemed to both want to talk to me but also not to want to talk to me. She was dismissive, and I wondered why she was bothering me about this at all if I wasn’t capable of understanding. We talked some more about cameras, me trying to see into the concept of a camera and learn something more about its purpose in the divine world. Cameras capture light, but I realized that they capture more than that. They capture a moment in time. She told me that a camera captures nothing. I then thought that maybe mirrors didn’t exist in the divine world, and of course they do, but a mirror can’t hold an image. So perhaps cameras make up for the weakness of mirrors. She seemed to say that mirrors were about vanity. She seemed to tell me that, or perhaps I guessed that, cameras are about vanity. That perhaps the essence of a camera is vanity. She didn’t want to admit that that was the secret behind the camera, or what cameras are in the divine world, pure vanity. We invented cameras to express our own vanity. She didn’t say that I was wrong but just scoffed and walked off.

Then I fell asleep.

Yesterday I start started reading one of Jung’s books on dreams (Psychology and Alchemy). They are the dreams of Wolfgang Pauli, although Jung doesn’t identify him as the dreamer. For the first time, I’m making headway in that material. I‘ve had the books on alchemy for several years, but never been able to get into them.

The AI process seems cyclical. I go for days, sometimes weeks, without the urge to practice AI, but then I’ll have a dream that demands to be written down, or I will have an active psyche just before sleep that really sets me off. It comes and goes. In my down times, I wonder about the worth of all this material and the value of doing AI at all. My big brother Consciousness is beating up on its little brother, my Unconscious. The process ebbs and flows. I’ve learned to not despair and to try not to push it. Many of my dreams seem unimportant, so I don’t include them. They don’t seem to want to be written down as a part of this project. They don’t belong, so I don’t include them. I trust myself, trust my psyche, to know what it is doing. I surely don’t. I trust the process to uncover itself, and it seems to be doing quite well. I’ve started putting together an outline for my new book, Jungian Novelsmithing, which is an outgrowth of all this material, and the book is taking shape. The juxtaposition of all the material has reached a critical mass and is now spontaneously combusting with ideas, insights and meanings. I realized just a couple of days ago that Jung’s alchemy is related to revising and editing following generating a rough draft. This is the process of bringing the novel from a rough state into one that is analogous to individuation, the perfection of the individual. I used the “novel as a life” analogy many times in novelsmithing, and the processes involved in alchemy explain the editing and revising process quite well. Rewriting after the first draft isn’t a trivial process. It is a discipline all its own. Of course individuation is all tied up in the mandala, something I’m now studying in detail, and the plot pentagon I’ve developed early on has exposed itself as a mandala. This is really exciting. I’m in the process of developing mandalas for characterization. Character arcs seem to shadow the plot diagram. And all of this complexity fits together within a dodecahedron. The dodecahedron is the symbol for the completed novel. The ancient Pythagoreans believed the dodecahedron was a divine symbol. They kept its essence secret. It was the key to their brotherhood. I will get some books today that should provide me with the material I need concerning the insights the ancient Pythagoreans obtained from the dodecahedron, or what we know of their insights. Perhaps I can make some discoveries of my own with this process, rediscover what they knew, so I can apply it to novelsmithing. The dodecahedron will now have a context, and perhaps within that context lies the secret of the Pythagoreans. They discovered it. Perhaps I can rediscover it.

The alchemy of novelsmithing is very much the craft of putting the dodecahedron together using all the pentagons (plot and subplots). The seams and corners are all important.

Posted in 07 Apr 2011 Dreams - And Something About a Camera?, April 2011 | Comments Off  

31 Mar 2011 Dreaming of Another Aristocrat

Last night I had another dream about an aristocrat. Actually, it was early this morning. It was another young lady. I’d been talking with her for a while. We were getting along marvelously discussing a lot different subjects. Then I noticed that some of those around us were addressing her as “your majesty,” and so I did too. She laughed and smiled. I then realized that she was a princess.

I believe I woke at this point, but I’m not really sure. I’ve become accustomed to extending the dream with Active Imagination, so much so that I do it automatically and transition from dreaming to Active Imagination so fluidly that I don’t realize that I’m awake until I’m really wide awake. But the Active Imagination session is corrupted by my natural inclination to have a pleasant exchange with the person from my dream. I imagined us having such a satisfying conversation that neither of us want it to stop, so we continue talking all night. Of course, we fall in love.

I’m sure I was awake when I changed the scenario, and actually the princess to make her more beautiful, and then I imagined that I was in a castle and told to go somewhere along a corridor, and that I ran into a young woman, this princess but not realizing she was a princess. She had escaped her attendants and was looking for a little time away from being a princess, and we accidentally ran into each other out in the corridor, neither of us know who the other was, but we started talking, found that we enjoyed each other’s company, spent some time together. Then she had to leave, but later that day, I was called up to the palace again where the ushered me into the princess’s chamber when I saw who she really was. We then talked on into the night. I don’t know what the outcome of all this was. It was just a pleasant scenario, no real problem to solve, just the forming of a friendship. Just finding someone to share some time with was enough. Someone of substance with responsibilities who had a view of existence that I shared.

So that’s what I’ve been up to with Active Imagination. I’m enjoying myself in these dream so much that I don’t want them to end and prolong them naturally and unconsciously with Active Imagination. In my dreams, I find friends.

Posted in 31 Mar 2011 Dreaming of Another Aristocrat, March 2011 | Comments Off  

24 Mar 2011 Encounter in a Church and a Psychic Friendship

1:20 am. I just woke from a dream, which followed on the heels of an Active Imagination session. I hadn’t practiced Active Imagination for some time, but tonight I went to sleep at 9:30 but woke early at 11:30 and thought I would try a session. After entering the Iris of Time, talking to Manto for a while, I found myself in a church. I walked toward the altar of a huge cathedral, walked down the isle between many seats, but before I reached the altar, off to the left, I saw an old man with a long gray beard and dressed in a white robe standing in light from a window by which he stood. I knew immediately that I wished to speak with him, and he is one of the few vivid images that I’ve seen that didn’t disappear immediately. I greeted him and started talking. I told him that I didn’t know exactly what I wanted from him. We conversed for a while, but I don’t remember much of the conversation because much of it seemed to occur within a sort of telepathy. Finally I told him of my concern with what is going on in Japan and that I wished I could do something about it. He told me that that was something with which I should not become involved, that it was something of global significance and that I should not attempt to intervene through psychic space. It involved all of humanity and was in the hands of others.

I then told him of my concern for us here in America, and to this he seemed more receptive, that I might be able to have an impact. It was then that I heard it, an explosion. This didn’t seem to be something that I imagined but something I heard. It was quite loud and dramatic. I was thinking of our nuclear reactors and the spent fuel rods and what we are to do with them, our dependence on nuclear energy. That was when I heard the explosion. I didn’t get an image of what had happened, but my thought or perhaps my fear, was that we had just experienced a terrorist attack at one of our nuclear facilities. I don’t remember much beyond that startling sound. I was in the old man’s presence for a while longer, but I fell to sleep.

When I woke, I immediately remembered a dream. I was lying next to a beautiful young woman: sandy blond hair, long, beautifully shaped. She was naked and had a sheet or thin blanket spread of over the lower portion of her body, but her upper body and breasts were exposed. We were out of doors, possibly on a beach. She was partially asleep, but knew of my presence. She allowed me to touch her, run my hand across her breasts. She then became fully awake, rose, slipped on a one-piece dress that came midway on her thighs, bare armed, and she went to join some friends in a building across the way. Some of my friends then joined me, some of hers also, I believe, and I told them of the beautiful woman whom I woke up beside. Imagine my surprise and pleasure, I said. They laughed at my good fortune.

The scene shifted, and I was once again in the presence of the beautiful young woman. She’d come to me, to tell me that it was okay to tell what had happened between us. My memory of what had happened the evening before started to return. I’d been at a party [or so I imagined] when I ran onto her. We’d started talking and came to realize that we both were into Active Imagination. She seemed to believe that she’d come to know me in there. She had met a man within her own psychic space and had fallen in love with him. When I told her of my own sessions, she became overpower with emotion realizing that this man she loved was me. She seemed to believe that she was the worldly manifestation of Manto, the Pythia at Delphi. We’d left the party together, come to where I’d found myself the next morning, but that night we’d in fact made love together in what she described as a physically beautiful relationship.

After discussing our encounter the night before, we then went from there to my place, of which I can remember no details but a bed, where we made love again. This is nothing to be ashamed of, she said. And I don’t mind you telling any one.

I’m not sure whether the last part of this was a dream or Active Imagination. I know that I naturally fell into an Active Imagination session to extend the dream after I woke and started remembering it, but I believe that I reentered the dream, at least partially and was in fact extending the dream by dreaming.. This was a dream of the real world in psychic space. The dream occurred in the real world within psychic space. It was a dream of two people who had met within psychic space, who practiced Active Imagination in the real world. She knew my age, but was madly in love with me because she had found me in psychic space. It is as if she was my anima and I was her animus. For some reason, she had known that I existed in the real world and had been looking for me there. Now she had found me as an old man, but age didn’t matter to her because of our psychic world relationship.

This was a strange, wonderful dream that was part dream, part Active Imagination. But even during the Active Imagination portion, she seemed totally autonomous. An amazing blend of psychic phenomena.

This is a milestone for me. This is how you practice Active Imagination.

Posted in 24 Mar 2011 Encounter in a Church and a Psychic Friendship, August 2010 | Comments Off  

22 Mar 2011 Knowing I’m Not Dreaming When I Am

I can only remember part of a dream I had last night. I was in a home, not sure where, and my mother was there too. I was talking to her, can’t remember what about, but it was a comfortable conversation. My aunt was there also. She came walking down the hall toward us. I told her to look at my mother. I said, “She’s really here with us.” And my aunt said, “Of course she is.” I knew that I was awake. I remember thinking, I know I’m awake. But of course, my mother passed away last October 2010, and my aunt passed away the previous Christmas.

It seems that Active Imagination is affecting my consciousness level in my dreams. I’m so conscious that I believe I’m awake. This is a remarkable feeling, to know you’re awake when you’re actually dreaming. I have been opening the Iris and stepping inside before I fall asleep. I generally step out into a meadow and look around, seen what I encounter there. Images then come to me, and I drop off to sleep. Sometimes I take my characters from my novel The Twice-Born in with me. But lately, my mother has been showing up a lot in my dreams. Yet, the remarkable thing about them is that they are seeming more real. Quite the opposite of lucid dreaming, where you realize that you’re having a dream.

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20 Mar 2011 Thoughts on Dreams and Active Imagination

Some thoughts on Active Imagination and recalling dreams. Jung encourages us to “accept what ever comes” when clearing a psychic space and starting an Active Imagination session. Many of us also try to remember all of our dreams, laboring desperately to retrieve them when they lay buried within layers of the Unconscious. I’m not so sure all this trust and effort is always in our best interest. Having engaged in Active imagination for almost a year now, granted off and on, I’ve come to realize that we have psychic access to a great many things that go on, not only here and around planet Earth, but also may have access to at least a portion of the psychic forces at work in the Universe, things human and not human. When I look at the totality of what I’m experienced, I can say that practically anything the human mind can envision is in there, inside the psychic world. After all that is where “envisioning” takes place. To go blindly charging off into it and accepting whatever comes, I believe, is risky, both from a personal stand point and also ethically, morally. It takes an adult mind to open up one’s self enough to deal with parts of ourselves that are not necessarily all that they could be, and to accept psychic realities that we do not care much for. But it is another thing entirely to accept and let into our psychic world psychic forces that are inherently destructive, and perhaps evil. Jung says to experience it all but only bring into this reality that which we find morally acceptable. I say that within the psychic world you may well encounter such powerfully destructive and evil beings that they can overwhelm the psyche, the ego, and render our own best instincts useless. I would caution to be open but to temper that openness with a good dose of discretion.

As for dreams, I’ve been able to remember some with no effort at all. Indeed, some dreams are so powerful that not only do I instantly remember them, but they stay with me throughout the day, providing a sort of soundtrack, mood, melody in accompaniment to my activities. Other dreams are so elusive that no matter how hard I try, they remain just beyond consciousness, and I’m only able to retrieve a partial image, or a mood. And this has set me to thinking that quite possibly some dreams aren’t supposed to be remembered. The human psyche is extraordinarily complex. Dreams are complex, and the reasons we dream are many, perhaps infinite in themselves. Each dream may have its own purpose and its own relationship with memory and our well being. Some dreams could perhaps even have nothing to do with us. They could be just a temporary repository for an event or the memory of an event that is finding its way within the psychic world, a Universal psychic world.

That is an interesting thought, that we could have dreams that have nothing to do with us, and that our psyche is only a temporary repository for a dream or event that exists but for some reason is in jeopardy and on the run. I don’t know that all these dreams, these unconnected dreams are good or bad. So much is possible that we should be open to the many purposes of dreams and their nature. I would suggest that if a dream struggles to remain outside of consciousness that you evaluate that resistance and perhaps honor it. Let the dream have its own place and relationship with consciousness. Don’t be a bully and let one purpose direct your activities. Don’t be narcissistic enough to believe that all your dreams have a relationship to you. When we step out into the real world, we don’t think everything we see or come into contact with has a relationship to us. I don’t believe everything we encounter within the psychic world is meant for us either. Some of it, perhaps even most of it could have no relationship to us at all.

Something to consider.

Posted in 20 Mar 2011 Thoughts on Dreams and Active Imagination, March 2011 | Comments Off  

13 Mar 2011 Encounter with Geese and A Second Reality

04:00 am. Just before I woke, I dreamed that I was leaving work, or perhaps I’d just left a university class. I was walking somewhere. I’m not sure that I was going home, seems more that I was just accomplishing some walking feat. As if I had to negotiate some terrain. I left the building in late afternoon light and started down the mountain, being careful to avoid stepping in a stream.

A man had exited the building behind me and was coming along with me. I noticed that he was following in my footsteps. He was perhaps a professor, had a goatee and glasses, looked a little like Freud. Perhaps he was a Jewish professor.  As I came down the mountain, I remember thinking that I walked over the same terrain every day, but it didn’t seem that I was going home. It seemed more like a feat that I had to accomplish everyday after class.  I remember thinking that I would be up against a really treacherous climb, either down a cliff or up a cliff, can’t remember which now.

But then we were in perfectly flat terrain, wooded, and the man was still with me. I noticed some of the trees had flowers. The man mentioned some flowers growing on the ground, or perhaps on the trees, and he mentioned that it was nice to notice them. Trees were growing all over this flat terrain, and the ground was covered by grass, short and well kempt. This was a wild area, but the trees were spaced almost like an orchard. I remember the tall slim trunks of the trees, and sunlight filtering through leaves. Or perhaps I didn’t see any sunlight at all, but just light through the trees. We came to a flock of geese milling about on the ground, as if they stayed there. The geese were gray like Canada geese, and as large. They didn’t want me there, and they all turned toward me, and some started making a run at me, their long necks stuck out. and they would bump me with their beaks and bite me. I pushed them back. They didn’t seem menacing, just troublesome.

And then I woke. Another animal dream. And now I always seem to have a companion.

It seems to me that in a society that believed that their dreams were an alternate reality, one s could easily have mythical beasts, centaurs for example, that would play a large part in their lives. It’s possible to imagine a man sending his son off to be educated I at another place where perhaps a Centaur lived in people’s dreams. Someone like Cheiron who taught Jason, Asklepios, and Achilles. If dreams were thought to be another reality, and if people knew how to understand the world of dreams, they could be enormously helpful in educating ourselves in the ways of this world, because that’s where all our creativity comes from, but it also can be a horrible place with evil people. Just like in the real world.

It seems that in times past, the psychic world of dreams was enormously important, that we learned from taking our dreams seriously, perhaps discussing them with others, and in some way using the material contained in the dreams. They were an important part of life were used to help understand reality. I wonder if this then isn’t the birth of religion.

If that were true, if we viewed our dreams like that, it seems that some of the ancient myths could be true also. If that were true, the dreams of others would also be important to us. An entire mythology concerning entities from the psyche would enter the world through our discussions, and we would come to know them as a society, and perhaps these psychic entities would be the gods that we would worship. Perhaps these companions I have in my dreams are gods and goddesses. Meeting the Centaur in a dream a few weeks ago was absolutely amazing, and I remember that in my dream, I was totally impressed. He was exotic, and a very special, rare creature, and it was a pleasure and a privilege to meet him. He would have been someone one to learn from.

I have noticed that it is difficult to conduct my Active Imagination sessions. I talk to someone, myself I suppose, during these sessions. This is a natural process, and Active Imagination seems to be an interruption to that process. Active Imagination seems artificial; where as this other process seems both educational and natural. Yet, I do sometimes have conversations with people that are informative. Using Active Imagination for fiction seems more helpful than it does for my own enlightenment.

Following writing this, I went back to sleep, and just before I woke, I dreamed that I was with a woman, and she was showing me some magnificent herb or perhaps it was a spice that another woman cultivated. We were walking along a lane and the herbs were growing in a long row at the edge of the road. The plants were deep green and about a foot high, bushy. We continued on down the lane, and when we came to the end, we crossed a road and entered the edge of another field that was heavily wooded. I peered inside through an opening in the trees, almost like a church apse, and saw the most beautiful plants with flowers, deep greens, reds, yellows, orange. I told the woman that I had seen that same scene in a dream, meaning the dream I’d had that I described above. (In fact though, it wasn’t anything like the scene in my previous dream.) I thought I was awake, knew I was awake, but I wasn’t. Some of the forest was beautiful trees, but others were plants with flowers. And then the dream ended

As I lay awake, I kept my eyes closed, and I could see images. I can’t remember the content of the images, but I’ve been practicing just watching the images instead of trying to talk or interfere, interact with the people. Some of them saw me, but when they did, they moved on, without a reaction. I saw many images, unconnected. I’m learning to not react to the images myself, even emotionally, because that causes them to disappear. I just allow them to come to me, and the more passive I am, the longer they stay. Perhaps someday I’ll be able to enter more fully into this world.

I have another life that I’m living, a psychic life that is ongoing. I don’t believe it’s as connected, linear, and causal as is the one in the real world, but I believe it is real in every sense of the word, and perhaps even more important. I don’t mean more important in the sense that I should ignore the one in the real world and concentrate just on the psychic life, but that I should learn how the psychic life functions, what goes on there, and not necessarily merge the two, but allow them to influence each other. I believe both lives are equally important, and they have a great deal to learn from each other.

I also believe the two lives I’m living in these separate worlds can work together, and always do work together, consciously or unconsciously, when I write fiction. I believe that this is the only way I can live a full life. This is the way life should be lived. To ignore the psychic life is to ignore who we are. In a very real sense, the psychic life is who we are. We find out who we are by investigating the psychic life, then we better understand ourselves and are better able to live our life in the real world. The connection is Jung’s bridge, the Transcendent Function.

Posted in 13 Mar 2011 Encounter with Geese and A Second Reality, March 2011 | Comments Off  

09 Mar 2011 Dream of a Dragon

[I've researched this a little. See update at the end.]

Sometime during the night, I had a dream of a wild animal loose upon the land. I don’t know where I was, but I was with a bunch of people, families with children, and we heard of a huge animal was on its way toward us, something wild and deadly.

We all left our homes and ran to hide among some large objects stacked in a row at the edge of a field. The square objects were huge, something similar to haystacks, although the bails were much larger. They had spaces between them that we could squeeze between. It was night, but we could see a little, as if a full moon was out.

The huge objects didn’t slow the animal at all. It ran on all fours and was long and scaly, shaped like an alligator, and the size of a tank, only much longer. It used its snout to scatter the stacks we were hidden among. To escape, we ran across the plowed field to the far side among the deserted buildings of a small town, a hamlet.

The animal destroyed the row of stacked objects all the way to the end of the field, apparently not seeing us as we ran from him. He then turned along the far side of the field, destroyed homes in the far corner of the field and then turned back toward us and the deserted homes, among which we were now hiding. We could hear him coming. We ran among the buildings as he it got closer, each man and child for himself. The animal was breathing fire, and although I didn’t realize it in my dream, it was a dragon, a non-flying dragon, much like a huge komodo dragon the size of a train engine.

I ran down a deserted street between closely spaced buildings. The dragon saw me and came after me. I ran around the back of a building with him in hot pursuit, blowing flames and consuming everything in his path. I tried to double back and come up behind him, but when I turned the corner, there he was directly in front of me, only a few paces away. I had no chance of escape. One breath and I’d be fried.

But the dragon didn’t breathe fire on me. He stopped and stared at me. I stood in front of him, not moving, ready to accept my fate. But the dragon didn’t seem hostile. He came towards me, stopped, and then shoved something in front of me. He was giving me something. It was a loosely packed block of a compressed straw-like substance, dark gray-green, that I recognized. It was a rare food substance highly sought after. It was an offering of friendship. I took it into my hands, and looked up to talk to the dragon, but then my dream ended.

I have read that in dreams the appearance of an animal is particularly important. Making friends with them is significant. The fact that this happened in a dream and totally out of my control, gives it an authenticity and importance that would surpass anything that would occur during Active Imagination. I thought my goose was cooked until the dragon adopted me as a friend. Why me? I don’t know.

Update: Here’s an excerpt from Man and His Symbols edited by Carl Jung. It from the essay “Sacred Symbols — The Stone and the Animal” by Aniela Jaffe.

The boundless profusion of animal symbolism in the religion and art of all times does not merely emphasize the importance of the symbol; it shows how vital it is for men to integrate into their lives the symbol’s psychic content — instinct. In itself, an animal is neither good nor evil; it is a piece of nature. It cannot desire anything that is not in its nature. To put this another way, it obeys its instincts. These instincts often seem mysterious to us, but they have their parallel in human life: The foundation of human nature isinstinct.

But in man, the “animal being” (which lives in him as his instinctual psyche) may become dangerous if it is not recognized and integrated in life. Man is the only creature with the power to control instinct by his own will, but he is also able to suppress, distort, and wound it — and an animal, to speak metaphorically, is never so wild and dangerous as when it is wounded. Suppressed instincts can gain control of a man; they can even destroy him.

The familiar dream in which the dreamer is pursued by an animal nearly always indicates that an instinct has been split off from the consciousness and ought to be (or is trying to be) readmitted and integrated into life. The more dangerous the behavior of the animal in the dream, the more unconscious is the primitive and instinctual soul of the dreamer, and the more imperative is its integration into his life if some irreparable evil is to be forestalled. (pp. 265/6)

Posted in 09 Mar 2011 Dream of a Dragon, March 2011 | Comments Off  

23 Feb 2011 Committing Murder and Being on the Run

04:48 am. For many years, I had dreams that I’d robbed a bank and gotten away with it. It wasn’t just me, but me and a couple of cohorts of mine. While in Greece in the fall of 1993, I had a series of dreams that I was with a shady character on the road, and that we had robbed a bank together and killed three men. I documented those dreams in Oedipus on a Pale Horse [see pages 183 and 230 or click here and here]. Tonight I dreamed that I was a lawyer, a prosecutor, and that we, my friend and I, were prosecuting a man for murder and that he had been convicted and was going to be executed. My friend came to me and said, “This is not right. This man is going to be executed and three of these murders he did not commit.”

I said, “Yes, this is murder, and we’ve committing it.”

The man had evidently committed three murders years ago and one recently, for which he was currently being executed.

And my friend said, “But the three previous murders are ours.”

I was devastated because I realized that he was right. These previous murders were the ones we’d committed years ago when we robbed the bank. The man had been wrongly convicted of them, and we’d stood by and done nothing. Now an innocent man was to die for our murders.

To live with that guilt is a terrible thing. We’d lived all those years since our robbery and not committed another crime, but here we were faced with another man being executed for our murders. Could we now come forward and admit our guilt? I didn’t know if I could do it. Then the dream ended, and I woke.

What impresses me about the robbery and murder dreams is how they seem to fit into a continuing story. When they started years ago, I felt really guilty about having committed the robbery. It felt really strange to be a criminal. In the later dreams, I felt horrible realizing that I had committed a robbery and the murders and had never been caught. I remember the existential state of being a hunted man all those years, having gotten away with the robbery and murders but always the threat of being caught looming. Through the years, I would forget that I had committed these crimes, and then remember them in a dream, and it would be devastating. I could never again live with a free conscious conscience or be innocent. I was always a guilty man and always on the run. This was a deep literal sense of guilt and a literal sense of being hunted. It is some existential state not describable with words. These dreams give credence to my belief that I have an internal psychic life independent from my life in the real world. Somehow, I live a totally separate psychic life that I’m learning is continuous and ongoing. I’m not a very nice person in the psychic world. I’ve done some bad things. I have a past, as they say. Sometimes I get a glimpse of that parallel psychic life, and tonight was one of the times.

After waking, l immediately went back to sleep and dreamed that I was in some home out in the desert. My son was there with me, I believe, and so was my older brother. Also there were my daughter and her female friend. I went outside to with her friend to a car parked on the side of a mountain. She walked around to the passenger’s side. She called to me saying that she had almost fallen off a cliff. It seems that the car had been parked right up against a cliff, and she had almost fallen off getting to the door. I went of over there, and sure enough the drop was about seven hundred feet. It scared me to look down.

I went back into the house to get the keys so I could move the car away from the cliff. When I got inside, I saw my father lying on a mattress directly on the floor. He was a farmer and up many times working during the night and had difficulty sleeping, insomnia. The phone had just rung, and it woke him. I went over and unplugged the phone. “Go on back go on back to sleep,” I said. “I’ll take care of the phone.” I went out, but just as I did, I looked back at him, and I saw that my mother was also in the room sitting in a chair by him. Of course, both of them are dead. My mother passed away this passed October and my father back in 1999.

I then went back into the living room, and my older brother was there asking for the keys to a car because he had to go somewhere. I had all the keys. I spread them out on the table. I had the keys to three cars: mine which was nice, the one parked at the side of the cliff which I was about to move, and another one that wasn’t so good. I gave him the keys to the old one, feeling a little guilty, but he didn’t seem to mind. And then I woke.

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22 Feb 2011 Two Dreams

03:00 am. I just woke from a dream that I was on a business trip in a foreign country. I was with two other men. We were walking somewhere over rough terrain, and we came to a hamlet where we spent the night out in the open. I remember a man and a young woman seemed to own the place where we were staying. We laid down on the ground to sleep. It was very dark. The three of us were side by side on a blanket without any cover. I was on the far right. In the dark the young woman came to lie down beside me with her back to me, and scooted up close to me. I moved even closer to her and rolled over facing her and put my arm around her. I remember hoping it was her and not the man.

When we woke, it was morning and we were moving around. I saw the man but not the young woman, and wondered if it was he who I had cuddled up against. I hoped not, and he didn’t seem to act suspicious. Then we were walking again over rough terrain but next to a sea. One of the men had a fishing rod, and I told him that I had always wanted to fish the sea from shore. We walked at the edge of the water, then out in it a ways. I said that the tide must be in because the water came right up to the rough ground leaving no beach. I could see through the water to the bottom. It was a only a foot or so deep, and we walked out into the water. He  cast out into it, but the water was so clear that I could tell that no fish were around. We walked on around the shore, and that’s the last I remember.

Two or three weeks ago, I had a dream that I didn’t record. I was in my parents bedroom with my mother. The house was empty and dark, possibly without any furniture other than the bed in their bedroom. My father had been dead for some time, but my mother (she passed away last October) was still alive and lying on the bed on top of the covers with a pillow at her back and leaning aginst the headboard. We had our clothes on. I laid down beside her, also propped up against the headboard. I said that I would probably die before she would. That was all that happened. Or at least, that’s all I remember of the dream. It was about my death.

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17 Feb 2011 A Night Spent Sleeping with Manto

07:30 am. I spent the night in the Iris of Time with my narrator for The Mysteries. I first performed my procedure for entering the Iris, addressing the psychic beings for permission once inside, and then called Manto. I had her tell me about her life at Thebes. While I was awake, my mind drifted a little from time to time, but mostly I spent my time awake with Manto. I slept well through the night, woke once, and had two dreams of which I remember little.

In the first dream, I was with a young woman [Manto?]. She was involved in some activity, can’t remember what, but she wanted me to kiss her, which I did. Nice. That’s all I remember of that dream.

In the second dream, I was on the beach with another woman [Manto?], possibly the same one, and we were walking among walruses. They were not afraid of us, and she petted them. When they had been out of the water for a for a while, they dried and though they were slick when wet, they were hairy when dry, but the strange thing was that their hair was feather-like, with streaks of gold. The woman I was with was petting them. I was a little apprehensive, but she seemed as though she’d known them for quite a while. They were of course huge animals, as tall as my shoulder while lying on the sandy beach. The woman pulled and pushed them about, grabbing the flipper of one and spinning it around in the sand so that it pointed in the opposite direction, so that it faced me. Then she rubbed its face, and it opened its mouth, which was shaped like a large beak of a bird though not as if it was made of flesh or beak material. The animal opened its large mouth and the woman put her head inside to show how tame the animal was. This scared me, and I said that I wouldn’t do that no matter how tame the animal.

I then woke and continued my dialogue with Manto. She told me about her life at Thebes, how she’d been born when her father Teiresias was already very old. Her mother was quite young, not yet twenty. Since Teiresias lived for seven generations he would have been well over one hundred. Manto was born between the two wars for Thebes waged by Oedipus’ descendants. So she was born after the battle of Seven Against Thebes, which Thebes under Eteocles won. The next battle was bought by Thersander, son of Polyneices and from Argos.  Manto was in her mid-teens when Thersander burned Thebes. Her mother died in the battle, and Manto was captured, as was her father. The death of Manto’s mother broke Teiresias’ heart. That is the reason Manto gave for her father’s death at Aliartos, between Thebes and Levadia. Being blind, Teiresias couldn’t protect his family, and he just couldn’t live with himself because of it.

But this all happened seven-hundred years before my story of Eleusis during the Persian invasion. Still, it will provide background material for when my characters get to Thebes. This will be the legend that still survives, and Myrrhine will tell it.

The one thing I haven’t been doing with Manto while writing my novel is to use her style of narration. I can’t hear her properly, as it turns out. To hear her in her own speech, I must listen to Euripides and Aeschylus, for she tells me that she, as a psychic being, provided the two with the plays he wrote. And she had an influence on Gilbert Murray when he translated Aeschylus into English, Edward P. Coleridge when he translated Euripides. Reading these translations will bring me closer to her and provide the style necessary for The Twice-Born.

[I realize that all this seems far-fetched, but it’s what came to me while visiting with Manto, and using this will assist me in the process of developing the narrator for my story. Besides, all this questioning is just Consciousness trying to discredit information that comes from the Unconscious. Consciousness is ever the big brother invalidating the little brother Unconscious.]

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13 Feb 2011 Plotting Using Active Imagination and Taking Characters into a Dream

12:30 am. I woke after only a couple of hours of sleep and decide to work on plotting The Twice-Born. I walk to the Iris of Time, tell the Keeper of the Iris to open it and step through. Always I feel the gust of fresh air, air so pure that it can only come from a time without the pollution of the modern world.

I call to Manto, and she appears before me.

“I’m thinking of Theonoë and her trip by sea to Eleusis. I need your help.”

“I believe,” she says, “that we should start the narrative while they are already at sea. We might flash back to when they left port and tell a little of what they heard there before they left. Some of the other travelers onboard or perhaps the crew have heard of the commotion she caused at the temple. Once they are onboard, Palaemon will try to hide her and Keladeine, but the group of Pythagoreans learns of her presence aboard. They will talk to her and believe that she is actually Melaina come back from the dead. They do believe in reincarnation.

“That’s the first I’ve heard of that,” I say. “I didn’t realize that they knew.”

“Yes, the Pythagoreans know, think she is divine, and will spread the word when they reach Athens, their first port of call before sailing on to Eleusis.”

“So they dock at Athens first?”

“Yes but they won’t get off the ship.”

“Are you sure? They could quickly exit the ship unnoticed and walk all the way to Eleusis during the night and arrive early in the morning just at sunrise.”

“I’m wondering if sunrise is the best time for them to arrive, or should it be just at sunset?” she says.

I say, “I’ve used darkness so many times, it seems that sunrise might be better.”

“But think of them. They would have less chance of being discovered if they traveled by cover of darkness.”

“They could also pay the captain to take them directly to Eleusis instead of stopping at Athens first.”

“Too expensive. The captain would never do it. They could stay onboard, even though they would have to wait while their cargo is being off loaded. That could take days. They should travel by land.”

“Yes, I can see the difficult of them staying onboard now, I say. You’re right. I should have them exit the ship at Athens and go by land to Eleusis.”

“Yes, I can hear the shouts of someone looking for them at dockside. The Pythagoreans, at least some of them, would waste no time in getting the word out that they had an immortal onboard.”

“I can see that this is the better narrative strategy. You’ve made me realize that they are being hunted from the time that Kallias saw Thoenoë at Ephesus.”

“Even when they get to Eleusis,” Manto says, “they won’t be able to stay long because that is the first place those who are pursuing them will look for her. When they get to Eleusis they will find Agido, and she will tell Theonoë that she suspects Myrrhine of being in Thebes.”

“So they spend only a short time at Eleusis, leave behind the blacksmith’s hardware and strike out for Thebes.”

“Yes. But I don’t believe we should spend a lot of time with them in transit. We should find a way to get them there overland quickly, or perhaps we won’t tell that part of the story. Perhaps this is where we leave them and go back to Doulos.”

“Okay,” I say. “It seems to me that I forgot to setup Doulos’ departure from Delphi. I was supposed to tell of his two traveling companions, and how they came to go with him. I’ll have to check to see how I ended his last chapter. [This is true. I forgot the final scene in Chapter 5 where Douos learns of his two traveling companions.] The priest of Dionysus has to go with him, and then there’s the young man from Tanagra, who has just lost his chance at the kingship to his brother. He’s a dark character I’m patterning after Hermes.”

“So they have that encounter at the Cleft way and proceed on to Thebes. Then we will have him run into Myrrhine there at Thebes. Have you figured that out yet?”

“No,” I say, “I haven’t. She’ll be there at the Temple of Demeter in Thebes, but she won’t be a priestess. She’ll have made up a story about having a daughter who got married and her daughter’s husband not wanting her around so they put Myrrhine out. Of course, she won’t be going by the name Myrrhine. Can you find another name for me? Do you know of one?”

“Why don’t we use Lysistrata? That was the name of an actual priestess of Demeter at Eleusis during this time period.”

“That could work. I’ve avoided the name since it was famous because of the play Aristophanes writes many decades later.”

“Seems like a good choice in this context. “

“I believe you’re right. That’s the name she will assume, Lysistrata.”

“But are you sure you want Doulos to have already found Myrrhine first, or should it be Thoenoë?”

“This really is crucial question,” I say. “I believe this is the deciding factor. Kallias has to have had his encounter with Doulos at the Cleft way at least weeks before he discovers Theonoë at Ephesus. That gives several weeks for Doulos to be in Thebes. Actually he could be there, know Lysistrata, but not know she’s his grandmother. Then Theonoë could arrive and the two of them discover each other before they learn that Lysistrata is their grandmother, Myrrhine.”

“Then it seems,” Manto says, “that we should take Thoenoë so far as the gates of Thebes before we go back to Doulos. We can leave her at the gates and go back to Doulos and how he entered Thebes. Perhaps Thoenoë would have left Palemon at Eleusis and gone on to Thebes with others who wouldn’t be so suspicious. Plus I worry about Palemon because he is close to being a cripple now. He doesn’t get around well, and his two workmen Akmon and Damnameneus along with other slaves do all the work.”

“Perhaps that is enough for tonight,” I say. “But our characters coming together in Thebes is problematic. We’ll have to work on it next time. It’s crucial to get it right. This is one of the big scenes in the novel.”

“I’ll be thinking about it,” Manto tells me. “This is exciting. I can’t wait for the three of them to be back together. I can feel Myrrhine’s pain of not knowing what happened to them all those years. I had to give up two children of my own, you know. They went to the king of Corinth. So I can feel her pain. I can help you with this, David. She has been very bitter over what Aeschylus made her do. I know her heartache.”

“I did know of that but didn’t remember it until you mentioned it just now. Are you sure you want to help with this. Could it be too painful to relive?”

“I must do it, David. The world should know what it’s like for a mother, even a grandmother to give up her grandchildren. They belonged to Myrrhine when she had to give them up, plus it betrayed her daughter’s trust. But at least she didn’t have them exposed as she was ordered. She will harbor a great hatred for Aeschylus over this. Kallias too. I never forgave Apollo for sending my children to Corinth. Gods can be so cruel. But when mortals make you do it, your thoughts can turn to murder.”

“I must go back to sleep now, but I’ll be looking forward to our next meeting. The events at Thebes must be done properly. I’m looking forward to working with you on this. Goodbye for now.”

“I turn and walk back through the Iris. You may close it now, I tell the Keeper. And thank you for the use of it.”

No sooner have I turned my back on the Iris than I realize I’ve made a mistake. I turn back and ask the Keeper to open it again. I repeat my pledge to the psychic entities of the Collective Unconscious and call Manto.

“Well,” she says, “that didn’t take long. What can I do for you now?”

“I want to take my two of my characters into a dream, or l at least try to.”

“Who are they?”

“Theonoë and Doulos.”

“No sooner have I spoken than they appear beside her. “May I also come with you?” Manto asks.

“But of course,” I say. “After all, you are the one narrating the story.”

“You should realize,” Manto says to me, “that Thebes is my home. I left it when the Sons of the Seven were burning it. It was such a glorious city when I grew up. My father being a seer, I was the jewel of Seven Gated Thebes. Oedipus’ two daughters were dead and gone. Antigone dead and Ismene just disappearing after her sister’s suicide. This was my home.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t consider that. That is another thing that make you the perfect narrator for my story.”

Seeing my characters here before me seems strange. And then I realize that I view my characters, when they appear outside the story, as actors who will assume the roles of the fictional characters. They are psychic entities who assume the roles of my characters. They are actors from psychic space. I can talk to them about their roles and see if they have ideas how they should play their parts. I don’t want to separate them too much from their roles, but I do believe it is important to realize that these psychic entities have not always been these characters. I am simply attempting to gather the psychic energy and funnel it into the story.

So now I’ll leave the readers of my blog alone in Cyber Space, and I’ll let you know what happened, if I remember any of it, in the Morning. Good night.

—–

04:45 am. I’ve been attempting to force my characters and myself into a dream, and I’ve had a restless two or three hours of off-and-on sleep. I did meet a god while in a dream. His name was Xor, and I believe he tried to kill us. I’m sure that I did entered the dream state with my characters, although I can remember so little of it. I do know that someone was with me in the presence of Xor. I believe it was my characters.

Just before I slept, Myrrhine came to us while we were in Thebes. She was really upset that we hadn’t asked her along, since she was there already, and after all, the two teenagers are her grandkids. Myrrhine was upset at our neglect of her. But we were pleased to see her.

We didn’t spend much time working out plot details or actually discovering what Thebes was like at this time, although Manto did tell us about the destruction of Thebes by the Sons of the Seven. She provided us with knowledge of the history of Thebes that will have to be told when Doulos and Theonoë get there. Some of the ruins of the city will still be visible though it’s been seven hundred years since the Kadmia burned.

Anyway, my experiment was a partial success, although I’m wondering if this technique might drive me crazy. The other thing I must take into consideration when trying to do this is that the ancient Greek god who brings dreams is Hermes, and I’ve undoubtedly insulted him because I didn’t bring him into this process. His presence would be crucial in accomplishing this, and my failure to ask his permission and help is a major oversight. Perhaps that is the difference in Active Imagination and dreaming, the psychic entity that controls the process. Active Imagination is assisted by the anima/animus, and Hermes brings dreams, so I was trying to force something that didn’t recognize the basic elements of the process. Forcing a dream without Hermes could cause insanity, I would imagine. No telling what kind of tear I could produce in my psyche.

Dionysus is also a god of boundaries, and particularly with us visiting Thebes, I should have also consulted him since he was born in Thebes. To accomplish these feats, I must muster the proper psychic forces. Also when I first started this process, Hermes was the first I encountered. He was the young man who burst through the darkness and swept past me. I believe now that he was trying to get me to turn around and follow him into the Collective Unconscious. He probably does this every night when I go to sleep, but I just don’t have the psychic awareness to see him and realize that he is there.

Now to see if I can get a little sleep. My mind feels as though it has a knot in it.

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12 Feb 2011 Childhood’s End

05:00 am. I’ve been dreaming for quite a while about being in a library. I’ve had dreams about libraries the last few weeks, and tonight’s dream seems to have brought all the others alive again, as if I’d dreamed them for the first time tonight also. In tonight’s dream I was looking for a book to read, something philosophical, I believe. But then I focused on finding one book in particular, Teilhard de Chardin’s The Phenomenon of Man. I couldn’t determine which section of the library I was in. So I started looking alphabetically. I never did find the book, and some of my difficulty was because the books seemed to be thinning as I looked. It was not a large library, not a university library but probably a community library. Books seemed to be disappearing.

Then the dream shifted, and I was in the backseat of a car going somewhere unspecific. I was on the right side of the car, and a college professor was in the front seat listening to me. I was telling him that I used to wonder why styles publishers like the Chicago Manual of Style were so protective of our language, but then just the other day (still in the dream), I compared two pieces of text that had been written only a few years apart, and they were so different that if some one wasn’t watching the language and guiding the way it developed, we’d lose control of the language altogether.

I’m not sure of the impetus behind this dream, and all the other dreams I’ve had recently about libraries, but to say that I’m concerned about libraries. I’ve spent many days in libraries from the time I was a kid in elementary school. For several years while living in New Mexico, I work worked in a library at a university. I’m nostalgic for them. Even though they still exist, their roll is dynamically changing, and one wonders if they’ll even be necessary in the future. Instead of the caretaker and distribution of books, it seems that librarians are changing into resource managers and educators of research techniques.

I’m sure that this dream is related to my sense of aging. Aging has become a subject of both curiosity and concern for me the last few years. Plus, I’ve been feeling lost the last few days. It seems that when I have a productive period writing, I also go through a period of disenchantment. I seem to be particularly lost this time. I don’t know what to do with myself. It just seems that the world is crumbling and reforming around me, which of course it actually is. It’s not just the change but also the crumbling of what has been. It’s as if the old world, which just yesterday was a new modern world, is being swept away and a new existence forming. The world is being remade and so quickly that it’s almost as if we’re living in one of Arthur C. Clarke’s fantasies. This is like living through his Childhood’s End. I’m convinced that these periods of disillusionment are caused by creative periods, and that means that they are caused by contact with the Unconscious, and probably contact with the Collective Unconscious. It seems that I lose contact with myself, that part of myself that provides a sense of meaning. I lose my desire. It seems that being so intimately involved with my Collective Unconscious causes me to drift, to untether myself from the real world, and when I lose contact with the Collective Unconscious, I have nothing left. I’m drifting in a state of nothingness. This seems different from being in a state of liminality. Perhaps that’s what I’m craving: that state of liminality from which purpose and meaning emanates, that state of being in transition, of changing, of movement, instead of being trapped in a state of static reality, of being here now. Perhaps I should start meditating again. Meditate on conscious reality. I think I’m losing my sense of being alive.

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08 Feb 2011 Creating Fiction Using Active Imagination

When the author through Active Imagination, brings content from his Unconscious into the real world, that content is still not ready for the novel. It still must under go a transformation so that it will be ready for that specific fictional world. This transformation is made through the narrator, i.e., the author transforms the content by use of narrative craft. According to my way of thinking, the psychic entity the author has guiding him in the world of the Unconscious (the narrator) works with him and is the judge helping to transform the content into narration. But the author still has to do the legwork. He will have to transform the content to achieve the narrative stance and voice consistent with the novel. You might think that the narrator is not doing her job, but the narrator is the author’s guide and advisor in creating the narrative flow. She supplies the voice, but he poor old author is always the one who does the legwork. Graphically this process looks something like this:

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07 Feb 2011 Code of Conduct for Using Active Imagination with Fictional Characters

I have been thinking about and researching a Code of Conduct for dealing with my characters, the psychic entities, I meet within an Active Imagination session used in support of and to develop content for a novel. This is Active Imagination not being used for psychic transformation purposes, i.e., it is not being used for individuation. This does not mean that it won’t result in individuation effects. I’ve long felt that writing fiction can have therapeutic value, and the reason is that it does contribute to building what Jung calls the Transcendent Function.

My theory is, and it is only a theory at this point, that forming a personal relationship with your characters depletes the character’s psychic energy left for the story. Essentially, the character has spent his/her emotion investment on you instead of your story.

Therefore, here is the moral constraint I believe should be followed by authors using Active Imagination for assist the creative writing process. Remember that you are the creator of the character. Refrain from using your character’s position of trust and confidence. Never exploit a character for purposes other than those serving your novel. Specifically, never exploit your characters emotionally or sexually. Secondly, stay true to your characters. Do not trick them into actions, statements, or thoughts unbecoming of them.

This then raises a really interesting question. To what extent are you actually the creator of a character? Granted, you have researched attributes that are necessary to tell your story, and this means primarily that you have created the character to fit your novel’s Premise. By doing this, you have attracted psychic content from within the Personal and Collective Unconscious. But the content from the Collective Unconscious has autonomy. It seems reasonable to assume that the psychic entity you have attracted from the Collective Unconscious has stepped forward voluntarily to assume the role of your character and has put on the personal you’ve developed by your research and intuition, augmented perhaps by memories of real people you’ve encountered.

Also, since you are in a transcendent state during Active Imagination, you are in a world without morals and you need to take something in with you to inhibit your actions. You can hook up with extremely powerful psychic forces than can use you as a vehicle to enter the real world. Don’t think that you can get away with committing crimes during Active Imagination because it is the psychic world and not the real world. Also don’t believe that just because something feels so right in the psychic world that it will translate with the same moral content in the real world.

I’m increasing coming to view this method of creating characters and story as a more pure form of the creative process, where the author enters a liminal psychic world without the usual constraints of the real world being present. The writing process usually developed by an author consists of relatively equal parts real world and psychic world, where the elements of ethics/morality remain intact and in force. When we step into the world of Active Imagination, we have shed our moral construct and are vulnerable to amoral forces. That is one reason it is such a euphoric process.

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07 Feb 2011 Why Do I Need the Iris of Time?

10:30 pm. Why do I need the Iris of Time? Why not just jump right into an Active Imagination session? My answer is that having a psychic space to look for images or listen for voices isn’t enough preparation to get me in the right psychic space. Naming my space the “Iris of Time” makes the space specific, familiar and prepares me for the activity. It also gives me that first push into liminality by making me cross a threshold and enter a psychic space with the attributes of liminality. Addressing the Keeper of the Iris puts me in contact with the psychic presence that accomplishes the transition: Hermes, Dionysus, or the Anima. Addressing all those in the Collective Unconscious and my Shadow reinforces within my own perception that this liminal psychic space contains entities that are the “other”. I’m preparing myself to meet autonomous beings within in my psychic space. Realizing that I have a Code of Conduct to deal with these psychic entities reinforces what Jung said about dealing with them, that you always treat them with respect even if you don’t agree with them. When I then address my guide (Manto) within the psychic world, I further divorce myself from those psychic entities I’m to encounter. My relationship with this guide in the Underworld further separates me from them, allows them more autonomy, and my conversations with her prepare me for the conversations I’ll have with the other psychic entities. This is all an illusion, but this technique of getting into the Active Imagination state sets up and prepares my psyche so that I might accomplish my objective.

I’ve found that going into Active Imagination without a definite purpose generally doesn’t work. At times I will see images and hear voices, but the encounters don’t go anywhere. Having a definite purpose enables me to encounter psychic entities and engage them in a dialogue. I realize that this may seem a little over dramatic, but it is a process that has developed naturally for me, and the seeming artificiality of it may be just another manifestation of consciousness attempting to invalidate the processes of the Unconscious. The ego ever seems to be the enemy of the process and the material from the Unconscious. My experience with Active Imagination has been that proper preparation is crucial for a successful Active Imagination session.

I also believe that coming back out of the process is crucial for a couple of reasons. First of all, the ritual exit brings you back out of the liminal experience and allows you to be fully within reality. It terminates the process. At least as much as the process can be terminated. Sometime I’ve found that once I’ve made contact with psychic entities, they don’t want to stop talking, and words and images continue to flood ac through the Iris of Time even though it’s closed. I’m not sure what to think of this, and I will have to investigate it further. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It seems that the Active imagination session may have been prematurely terminated. But it also seems that the Iris of Time experience is confronting the Unconscious head on. But so frequently material from the Unconscious is better heard when not actively engaged in a session. It’s like the difference in direct vision and peripheral vision. Something things can only bee seen with the peripheral vision. I believe these are the quieter voices from within the Unconscious, quite voices but with a strong urge to be heard.

Also, Active Imagination builds what Jung refers to as the Transcendent Function, which is a bridge between Consciousness and the Unconscious. Once the bridge is constructed, information should constantly be coming across. This is a good thing, a very good thing. And I don’t believe it should in any way be viewed as undesirable, unless of course, Consciousness is being flooded with material from the Unconscious and interfering with reality to such an extent that it is a destructive force in waking life. In other words, if the content from the Unconscious is not wanted by Consciousness, it interferes with everyday life and impairs the individual’s ability to function within reality. The ego can be swamped by material from the Unconscious and cause all sorts of problems. Perhaps that is why it is important to develop a process for terminating an Active Imagination session, as with the ritual I’ve developed for closing the Iris of Time.

04:30 am. I just woke from a dream. I was over at someone‘s home, can’t remember who, but I had been talking to some people. Actually I had been to see a car dealer. I was pricing a new car. I didn’t need one or even want one, but I was at a dealership and a salesman was helping me. He took the information on my car, put some papers together, and I was interested in knowing what a new car would cost me, but he passed the papers off to his boss, who was on the phone. I kept waiting, but even when he hung up, he didn’t pick up my paperwork. Instead he just did nothing, so I got up to leave, put my stuff back in my messenger bag. Don’t know what stuff it was, but evidently, I was carrying something, and I just walked out. The boss was also starting t leave, but he saw my paperwork and started asking questions. He then wanted to talk to me, but I was mad and said that I was leaving and wouldn’t be back. (This sounds so much like my father.) I went outside and was looking for my car, but I was turned around. I walked into someone’s home, and was talking the people, but then I walked outside to see the night sky. It had been raining but now appeared to be clear. A neighbor saw me though the hedge, recognized me, and called to me. I told him I was looking at the stars. He said something about them. They knew I knew something about the heavens and started asking me questions. I told them about some new discovery concerning stars, and his wife had joined him. But just then their dog saw me and made for me. I didn’t like the dog. It was a Doberman. I’d been confronted by it before. It didn’t like me at all, and it ran right up to me. I lay down on the ground, and it came up to me and took my hand in its mouth. It didn’t actually bite me, but I felt that my hand was in jeopardy. Gradually the dog let go of my hand, but it lay down on top of me. I was on my stomach I turned my head so that I could see the dog, and its eyes were right beside mine. After a little bit, it licked me on the face, and the neighbors thought that was a good sign. It irritated me that they didn’t do more to stop the dog from attacking me, but then it was vicious. I kept wondering if the dog was male or female. I had won over the dog. And then the dream ended.

Posted in 07 Feb 2011 Why Do I Need the Iris of Time?, February 2011 | Comments Off  

06 Feb 2011 Working with Narrator and Characters in Active Imagination and Dreams

9:30 pm. After reading Victor Turner’s The Ritual Process, Structure and Anti-Structure, I understand more fully the value of trying to contact the Collective Unconscious through the Iris of Time, since it constitutes what he might call liminal territory. I’m developing a ritual perspective toward using the Iris. First of all, I should approach it with caution and respect. Second, I must speak some words of humility, but also words of command to get it to open. Then I should address all those on the other side of the Iris to request permission to come among them. Then I should always call upon Manto, the Pythia at Delphi and my narrator, to guide me. She is my guide in liminal space. I should then state my purpose for interrupting her life among the Immortals, and ask her assistance. I must never go in without a clear objective. I should then follow her to the location where my story takes place and wherein the characters reside. When I exit the Iris, I should again pay my respects to the Keeper of the Iris.

This I now do.

“Guardians of the Iris of Time,” I say, “I respectfully request permission to enter. Open the Iris, so that I may enter and satisfy my purpose. I am on a mission that does not violate the Terms of Use of the Iris [must develop this].” I hear the sing of metal against metal as the Iris slides open. I step through, feeling a rush of fresh air. I seem to float in space although I remain upright.

I speak again.

“Dearest Manto. I request your assistance once more. Sorry to interrupt your life among the immortal gods of the ancient world. Come to me, for I need your assistance.”

I wait and then she materializes before me.

“I need to speak to Palaemon,” I tell her, “the smith who is now at Ephesus. Will you take me there, please?”

She takes the edge of her cape in her right hand, raises it so that it covers my vision, I smell her exotic perfume, like the prophetic gas at Delphi, and I move into the darkness of her cape.

Slowly the dock at Ephesus appears. This is where Palaemon is in the process of purchasing passage aboard a ship for the journey to Eleusis. He recognizes me, of course, because I’ve known him for many years.

I ask him, “Where are you headed in Attica, Palaemon? Where will you make port?”

“Yes, well,” he says, “I’ve been up all night worrying that question myself. If I we go straight to Eleusis, no telling who we might run into. Won’t be Kallias, of course for he is on his way to Susa. Still, he might have sent word back that he has seen Melaina, possibly returned from the dead. But Aeschylus is from there too. That could spell disaster for us all.”

“Well,” I tell him, “I believe Kallias’ mother, Hipparete, will be there. But she is no longer staying with Kallias. I’ve heard that his new wife has put her out, but instead of roaming the streets of Athens, Hipparete has gone to live in the ruins of Kallias’ home at Eleusis. It was partially burned, and Kallias removed everything of value and has abandoned it. His mother has made a life for herself there in secret. She has a little money of her own and ekes out an existence as a baker. She could be a great help in knowing what is going on. Kallias does know she is there though and comes to see her from time to time. She might be able to help you with the whereabouts of Myrrhine.”

“That’s good news,” Palaemon tells me. “I must keep the knowledge that Theonoë is alive from her. I cannot let word get out. Our first objective is to find Myrrhine. I’ve thought of going to Phlya first to visit the home of Mnesarchides. His wife Kleito may well know if Myrrhine is still live and where she might be staying. I’m in such a quandary to learn the situation, but Kleito, Myrrhine’s life-long friend actually could know little. I’ve even thought that Myrrhine might be staying with Kleito. But this would mean traveling over land, and I won’t do that. I will go with my helpers to Eleusis and have them set up shop. We must trust that Myrrhine is still alive and in Eleusis. If not, surely someone there will know something of her fate. Yes, Eleusis must be our first top. Clearly we must be careful to not allow anyone to know that Theonoë is still alive, but Eleusis is definitely our first stop.”

“All this is true, Palaemon. Good luck with your sea voyage. I must now talk to Theonoë and Keladeine.”

I step back out of the darkness and address Manto.

“I just realized while talking to Palaemon that I must speak to Keladeine and Theonoë. Will you take me to them, please?”

This time Manto takes me by the hand and leads me off into the darkness. We enter Palaemon’s home where the two women are now busy packing a chest for the trip.

“Good evening ladies,” I say. “Can you tell me the plans for your entry into Eleusis?”

Keladeine addresses me first.

“I think we should keep Theonoë hidden, and I will enter Eleusis as a priestess alone, saying that I’ve come to establish a temple dedicated to Artemis. I will seek out any priests of the almighty gods to see if they can assist me in establishing such a temple. Perhaps I can then learn if any of the officials of the sacred Mysteries are a still in Eleusis. Perhaps from them I can learn where Myrrhine might be.”

“And you, Theonoë,” I say, “what will you do in Eleusis?

“Stay hidden at first,” she says. “I don’t want to create a ruckus. I’ll stay back out of sight and disguise myself as a peasant girl, a slave, assisting Keladeine. Until I find my grandmother, if she is alive, I cannot reveal my identity. If she isn’t alive, it will be more difficult, but I’ll manage. We’ll have to take stock of the officials of the Mysteries that are still in Eleusis or learn where they might be. Then we’ll have to contact them to see if they are interested in returning to Eleusis and the Mysteries. We must round up as many officials as we can before we approach anyone about reinstituting the Mysteries. Then we have the problem of the Sacred Relics, which as missing at best and have been destroyed at worst. How this obstacle will be overcome, only the gods know. If Zeus wishes the Mysteries to continue, if Demeter wishes her mysteries to once again be practiced at Eleusis, she will help us accomplish this. My mother has told me to serve the ancient Mysteries, and with the help of Demeter, we will succeed. I feel this very strongly. The gods want the Mysteries once again in Eleusis.”

“Thank you for your time,” I say. “Good luck on your journey.”

I return to Manto. “I’ve learned a lot from talking to them,” I tell her.

“Do they know Myrrhine is in Thebes?” she asks.

“No, and I won’t tell them at this point. So now we know that they must head straight for Eleusis.”

“Yes, there they will establish themselves, Palaemon at his smithy, and Keladeine working to establish at a temple of Artemis. I’m pleased to hear that Hipparete is there. She will be valuable.”

“Yes, and Agido will still be there too, with four or five children.”

“Oh, David, I’m so excited to meet Agido again. She’s all grown up. Her oldest son will be helpful. I hear he’s quite the young man, but only fourteen. And of course, Anaktoria is there also. Their kids play together. She has developed such a dark countenance since we last saw her. I do hope she’ll be okay.”

“It is Agido who tells them of Myrrhine’s whereabouts, but only after considerable prodding, and then only after Theonoë reveals herself.”

“This is so exciting,” Manto tells me. “I’m enthused about this final story. It’s been at my instigation that you’ve kept this story in mind through all these years of neglect. You’d have abandoned it, if not for me.”

“I’m interested in telling it also, but I realize that you’ve been quite the nuisance about it though the years. I’m concerned about how they’ll get to Thebes to find Myrrhine.”

“Yes, and once there, convincing her to return to Eleusis. She’s quite disillusioned, you know. Cynical, is the word. She’s had a tough life without Melaina.”

“I know. And I’m ready to relieve her suffering. I hope Theonoë can bring her out of the deep depression in which she’s lived all these years.”

“Yes, but all Greece is suffering without the Mysteries. That is Zeus’ great discontent. Athens is in political turmoil, and that won’t end until the Mysteries are reinstituted.”

“We have a lot of work ahead of us, Manto.”

“Yes,” and now she takes my hand again, “but together we can take them on this journey of life. Together we can tell the story of how they save Greece.”

“Thanks, Manto. I’ll come to you again shortly.”

“I’m always at your disposal. Zeus commands it, but I’m also excited about this journey we’re taking together.”

With that I turn away from Manto and exit though the Iris of Time.

“You may close it now,” I tell the Keeper of the Iris. And thank you for the use of it.”

I hear the Iris close behind me.

I am finally learning how to work with my narrator, Manto, and my characters during Active Imagination. I discuss plot problems with Manto. She can help with them. She is also developing into more of a personage than heretofore. I’m also learning how to work with characters in the Active Imagination context. I discuss situations with them and learn how they are experiencing the situation. They can tell me their problems and how they are trying to solve them. They help to develop the story because they know what they need to do. They are confronted with the actual situation, I’m just hearing about their problems and solutions.

I also shouldn’t tell or provide them with information they should or couldn’t know. This is difficult, but I must be true to my characters and their situations. I violated this rule when I was talking to Palaemon. I told him about Hipparete being in Kallias’ home in Eleusis. I shouldn’t have done that. I can’t contaminate my characters with information they shouldn’t know ahead of time. I know more than they do and must not corrupt the process. It would be emotionally satisfying for me to go to Thebes right now and tell Myrrhine that her granddaughter is still alive and coming to find her. But that would violate the character’s integrity. I must not give away secrets to comfort my characters. I can share my concerns and insight with my narrator, Manto, and no one else.

03:30 am. I will now trying to enter a dream with my characters beside me. We will try to enter a dream together. I’m wondering if I should use the Iris of Time for this, and I suppose I should. The problems is that I won’t have a way back out if I go to sleep. This is a concern, but I’ll give it a go any way. I’m experimenting with the process, so that I can incorporate dreaming into the process of novel writing. [As I edit this, I realize that I should not use the Iris to enter dreams. Dreams are a different process than Active Imagination, and I should keep the process separate.]

Here goes.

But first, this brings up some interesting questions. An author can become attracted to his characters. And the question then arises: Is it okay for an author to interact with his characters on a personal level, e.g., to have sex with his characters? Psychic sex, of course. And I’m thinking that the answer is no, always no. If you had a really promiscuous character, who was always trying to seduce you, that would be difficult, but I’m looking at this in pretty much the same way a psychiatrist would deal with a patient. In the same way, an author should never physically fight with a character. But then the question arises: What if a character wants to demonstrate his skill by sparing with the author? Is that okay? Seems that it would. But then I’m back to what if a character wants to demonstrate the art of making love? Seems like a similar process. Is the author going to have sex with his characters? These are tough questions, and the seduction potential is so great that I believe it’s imperative to develop a set of rules or Ethics of Conduct that the author must follow. I’ll have to investigate this. I realize that therapists deal with this question all the time, so I’ll go there to get a lead on how to establish these Ethics of Conduct.

What brings this up of course is that I’m in bed at night, right now actually, and trying to bring my characters into a dream with me. In a very real psychic sense, I’m sleeping with my characters, all of them: men women, and kids. This could get kinky and could easily become morally bankrupt. I believe a practitioner’s actions within psychic space have consequences. I’ll provide a list of Rules of Conduct sometime in the future.

So who am I taking into my dream with me? The two women of course, Theonoë and Keladeine, but just to keep this on the up and up, I’ll also take Palaemon and his two workmen, Alkmon and Damnamenus, as chaperones. They should be able to keep me in line.

08:30 am. When I tried to take my characters with me into a dream, I went to sleep immediately and woke this morning a little after 08:00 am. I had dreamed but not about my characters. I was with my son, and we were at some big event milling about with a crowd of people. He and I got separated, and I started shouting for him. I was scared. He eventually found me, and then I quieted down. After I woke, I immediately tried to take my characters with me into a dream. I didn’t actually go to sleep, and I didn’t stay in one location, but I started receiving amazing flashes of my characters talking to me. I saw flashes of Eleusis in ruins. It was a dark place wild animals, mice, rats, and abject poverty. I saw Agido. She was tough, protective of her children, and alert for danger. I saw Anaktoria. She was mean and hateful. She was also married and with but two kids. She was cynical and depressed. Then I saw Myrrhine in Thebes. Thebes was also still in ruins. It was a mean hateful city, a center of robbery, murder, and debauchery. Myrrhine was a wild woman, copulating with deamons. She was filled with hatred, depressed and without morals. She had lost her humanity. And then I saw Athens. It is a place of dark political intrigue. It thrives but has become despotic toward its neighbors. It is hated in the islands. Theonoë will learn this first when they arrive on Delos. They hear that Athens has forgotten the gods and not rebuilt the temples. “This is a Zeus civilization,” Theonoë will tell them.

I’ve also had a problem not knowing what would happen on their journey to Eleusis. I know that a group of Pythagoreans is onboard, and that one of them gets tossed overboard because he reveals the meaning of the dodecahedron to Theonoë. She guesses its meaning, actually. But now I realize that the Pythagoreans remember her. They talk about her when they arrive in Athens. Plus Kallias and Kimon have sent word back to Athens that Melaina still lives. Word spreads like wildfire. Aeschylus is searching for her. He’s also searching for Myrrhine.

All in all, an extremely productive night using Active Imagination and dreams to explore my characters and my storyline.

Posted in 06 Feb 2011 Working with Narrator and Characters in Active Imagination and Dreams, February 2011 | Comments Off  

30 Jan 2011 A Post-Modern Dream: Re-Entry from Outer Space

07:30 am. I just woke from a short dream. I was in what seemed to be outer space. I was watching two airplanes fling in formation just above me. They were so close together that I was afraid they would collide. They were flying wingtip to wingtip. I was outside in open space, or perhaps air I guess it was, but I was being held in formation with the planes somehow by the pilot of one of the aircrafts, who was in charge of the operation. I maneuvered down below them to see how much space was separating the wing tips, and saw that they were very close. Then I heard the command pilot tell the other one, who was possibly someone in training, that he was going to retrieve me. How I was flying in formation with them is beyond me, but it was possibly some wake effect. The command pilot maneuvered his plane around to me, and I thought he was going to take me inside, but he didn’t. Somehow he released me, and as he did he ejected and opened his parachute. Just before he did, said to me, “Release anytime you like, just don’t wait too long and fall too far for you parachute to open in time.” I supposed then that I had been trained what to do in this situation because he told me nothing about how to do it. I was falling rapidly through the air back to Earth and trying to open my parachute. I wasn’t afraid, just concerned. I believe I did open my parachute, but the confusing the thing is that I was quite suddenly viewing all this from the ground. I was with a crowd of people in a quadrangle at a University. Perhaps I had already reentered and landed. Yes, it now seems that I had, but we were all looking up in the sky when we saw a white streak as the spacecraft reentered the atmosphere. It left a gigantic contrail. I waited to see if I could see when the parachutes deployed. People were oo-ing and ah-ing at the beautiful contrail, and an asking what it was. “It’s the shuttle reentering,” I said. A good-looking young woman next to me said that she remembered that they were supposed to reenter today. She started telling me about the mission. I started to tell her that I was one of them, but thought better of it, and just let her talk. It’s strange that I kept looking to see if my parachute had opened. It was as if I was up in the sky just reentering from space and simultaneously down on earth looking up at myself reentering. Then I woke.

This dream reminds me of seeing a crippled airplane land with a landing gear problem on CNN a few years ago. After the plane landed safely, CNN talked to one of the passengers about the experience of being on a plane that had a problem and had to land with the passengers not knowing but what they might all be killed. They talked to a young woman from New York who said that they were watching themselves on the aircraft’s closed-circuit television. They were watching themselves land on TV at the same time they were looking out the plane’s windows and seeing themselves land. She said that it was a very post-modern experience.

I’ve just had is post-modern dream.

Wikipedia defines “post-modernism” as:

“Postmodernism is a movement away from the viewpoint of modernism. More specifically it is a tendency in contemporary culture characterized by the problematization of objective truth and inherent suspicion towards global cultural narrative or meta-narrative. It involves the belief that many, if not all, apparent realities are only social constructs, as they are subject to change inherent to time and place. It emphasizes the role of language, power relations, and motivations; in particular it attacks the use of sharp classifications such as male versus female, straight versus gay, white versus black, and imperial versus colonial. Rather, it holds realities to be plural and relative, and dependant on who the interested parties are and what their interests consist in. It attempts to problematise modernist overconfidence, by drawing into sharp contrast the difference between how confident a speaker is of their position versus how confident they need to be to serve their supposed purposes.”

Posted in 30 Jan 2011 A Post-Modern Dream: Re-Entry from Outer Space, January 2011 | Comments Off  

25 Jan 2011 Three Dreams and an Experiment

[Following the three dreams described below, I went to sleep again, and when I woke, I started to experiment with a technique I came up with a few days ago (see here), one in which I would start Active Imagination around a fictional theme and try to enter a dream while taking that AI material in with me. I have three scenes in The Twice-Born that I'm currently working on simultaneously. The first is the departure of Doulos from Delphi, his eviction actually. The second is a murder scene at what was known as the Cleft Way, where Oedipus killed Laius centuries before. And the third is set in Thebes where Doulos will find out who he really is. (Yes, that is a spoiler.) I kept envisioning these scenes while trying to force myself to sleep, all the while hanging on to the action in these three scenes. I'm not quite sure what actually happened, whether I actually went to sleep. But when I got out of bed this morning, it felt as if I had been dreaming. Plus, I did seem to have accomplished quite a lot in developing the scenes under consideration. I found out that Doulos is an excellent archer, and that he had much more of a functional relationship with Delphi than I'd realized up to this point. He was involved in theatre and athletic activities. Also the two people he will be traveling to Thebes with are prone to violence, and willing to commit murder. One is a priest of Dionysus and the other a follower of Hermes. Each of them will commit a murder at the Cleft Way, but the murders will be much different in execution. One will be violent and blood thirsty, the other quick and sterile. At Thebes, Doulos, when asked his name, will answer that he is "Not-Oedipus," something he learns from the oracle he's given at Delphi. He doesn't yet have an identity, just knows that he's not Oedipus. Anyway, I learned a lot about my storyline, and the technique of trying to go from Active Imagination into a dream worked much better than I had anticipated.]

01:30 am. I just woke from two dreams. The first was of war, the beginning of a battle, or at least a skirmish. We, a few of my fellow soldiers and I, were in one building, or perhaps it was a car, and not far away was a building, a home actually. We could see into it. They had a light on. We could see someone moving about. One of our men started it. He shot at the person in the other building. I’m not sure, but I believe he killed someone.  Then we ducked down because we knew they’d start shooting at us also. Anyway, I couldn’t get low enough to completely be out of sight. Someone shot me in the top of the head, just grazed me. Or perhaps took off the very top of my head. I was bleeding, but it didn’t hurt a lot. I kept checking my head to see how badly I was hurt. And that’s all I remember of that dream.

In the second dream, I was one on the road headed for Tucson, Arizona. I was with some other people, but they we’re not going to Tucson, so I had to get to a bus station. They were going to take me. Then I found out that we weren’t actually in the place to go directly to Tucson. I would have to go to a nother town first. I knew that I’d have to call those who were to pick me up in Tucson to tell them I would arrive later than I thought. I was confused and concerned that I didn’t know exactly what was going to happen. I thought I might not get there until the following day. And then I woke.

What impresses me about both of these dreams is that they occurred in liminal space. I’ve been reading a couple of books about liminality. And now I realize that so many of my dreams occur within liminal space [this one and this one], and frequently they are just like my dreams tonight: war and being on the road traveling. So few of my dreams occur within a community. Even in my dreams about working, I’m usually just joining a company or getting fired.

04:00 am. I just had another dream. This time I was walking in a public place when some man pointed a rifle in my direction. I walked out of his line of sight, but he pointed the gun in my direction again and this time pulled the trigger. It seemed to be some sort of air gun that just made a puffing noise. I walked away from him again, but again he pointed it at me and pulled the trigger. I got really mad. I said, “Linsten you stupid son of a bitch, don’t point that gun at me. I realize it doesn’t shoot bullets, but I don’t like it pointed at me. He did it again. This time I walked up to him, grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shoved him up against a tree. “Stop pointing that thing at me, you ignorant asshole. I’ve been shot at before, and I don’t like. He just smiled at me, so I shoved him up against the tree again. “Listen, you cock sucker,” I said. “You stupid bastard.” (I was really into foul language.) “You better quit pointing that gun at me.” He was with some other people, but they didn’t say anything. And then the dream ended.

Posted in 25 Jan 2011 Three Dreams and an Experiment, January 2011 | Comments Off  

24 Jan 2011 Party Aftermath

03:30 am. I just woke from a dream. I was in bed with a woman I’d come home with that I’d met somewhere that night. I was naked and looking for my underclothes and not having much luck. Then from the bed I’d been sleeping in, a young man and another woman also woke and started getting up. At first I was concerned because the room was very large with several other occupied beds in the room. They were getting up also. I slipped on my pants without my underclothes. I was concerned about being there with a bunch of people I’d first met that night, evidently when I’d been out drinking. Everyone seemed to be excited that I was there.

A young blond Englishman was talking about Shakespeare, and he asked if I’d seen a new production of Hamlet without words or action, some sort of new play concept/interpretation. I told him that I hadn’t, but I said that what would be crucial to capture Hamlet’s angst, his sublime procrastination over what to do witth his mother. I was introduced to several more people as we moved about the house. Evidently I was in a large home belonging to some very rich people. But it was time for me to go because one of them had brought me there in their car, and they were ready to take me to my car so I could go home.

I wanted to get their name and telephone number, so the woman I came there with tried to find a pencil and paper. The first pencil she got for me to write with was really large, so large I had difficulty holding it to write. Then I realized that she was looking for another pencil because the one I had was broken. She then gave me a wood pencil, but the only paper she could find had been used, and I couldn’t find a place to write my name and telephone number on it. I tried it anyway, but it the words wouldn’t show through the blotches. I was worried that my ride would leave without me, but the woman, and I kept wandering about the house trying to find something to write on. Lots of people were milling about, some with clothes on, some not. Clothes didn’t seem to really matter. I walked into another room still looking for my underclothes and saw a woman in a shower.

The matriarch of all these people showed up without her top on, but no one thought much about it. The patriarch of all these people then showed up, and evidently he’d heard of me, and he said that he’d take me home later, that he wanted me there for a while longer. He said that he’d just been made head of some major movie studio, that he was now the new David Lean. He could help me and wanted me to develop projects for him.

I finally found my under clothes. I put them on, and we were still looking for a piece of paper to on which to write my name and telephone number.  It seems that then I was back home in my parents house. They were there, but everything was dark, and I was having trouble talking to them. The place seem very lonely. Perhaps it was just me and my mother, but she was in a back room and I could only hear her voice, not see her.

And gradually, I woke.

Posted in 24 Jan 2011 Party Aftermath, January 2011 | Comments Off  

19 Jan 2011 More Ruminations on Active Imagination and Writing Fiction

I’ve been wondering for some time how dreams may be incorporated into writing fiction. And now I believe I have come up with a partial answer. When an author is involved in an extended work, he lives, as much as possible, within imaginary psychic states. Even while he is at the grocery store or mowing the lawn, still in the back of his mind, he is working on his novel. So it makes sense that his dreams would also be telling him something about his novel. In a way, it’s like Active Imagination, where you have a problem in mind when you enter AI, something you wish to work on. If you have your mind focused on your novel before you go to sleep, your dreams may be telling you something about your novel.

It seems reasonable to then interpret your dreams in terms of your novel, to actively analyze them relative to your characters, and to write them down as soon as you wake, but to then find a relationship between your characters and the psychic entities at work in your dreams. In using my dreams as a mechanism to find fictional material, I’ll keep in mind that the Unconscious tries to translate content into real world format so that we might understand what it is trying to tell us. I’ll edit the content of my dreams to adapt it to the fictional world.

————-

I had another unusual experience tonight when I first woke. I was lying in bed (it was still very dark out) but I was thinking of something, as I always do during my periods of insomnia, when I realized that I was looking at an image, a starkly real image, except that it was dark and I had my eyes closed. It was as if my mind was awake, but my eyes were still dreaming. My eyes saw a still image, as if I was looking at a scene in a room, as if it was my bedroom, except of course that it wasn’t. I don’t now remember much about the scene, except for a telephone, the old black kind with a mechanical dial. I remember a far wall and a cabinet on which the telephone sat. It was as real as in the waking world, except that it wasn’t my bedroom. It was as if my eyes were still asleep, but my mind was awake.

These images I’ve seen in this mode are extremely stable. It would be interesting to try to conjure some psychic entity during these episodes. If I could get someone to enter the scene, I might have an unusually productive AI session. This is another phenomenon I would like to explore and try to expand.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that I don’t do well when trying to get psychic entities to talk to me, as least not always. Sometimes they seem mute. I think it might be more beneficial to try to describe them and to try to define them than to try to get them to talk to me. Sometimes I seem to be given scenes without someone to communicate with me. It’s as if they are situations, and communication is not the point. I am there as a witness. I’m not sure what these scenes represent. In my dreams I sometimes witness war. I don’t interact with people in them, but the scenes are very powerful. I believe the purpose of the scene is to convey information at a different level. The scene is important, not someone in it. I will also try to use these scenes in my novels. Perhaps at least I can capture the tone of war.

Posted in 19 Jan 2011 More Ruminations on Active Imagination and Writing Fiction, January 2011 | Comments Off  

18 Jan 2011 Using Active Imagination to Enter a Dream

02:00 am. I wake feeling claustrophobic. I check my vital signs, but can find nothing physically wrong. Then why am I feeling like this?

I open the Iris of Time. I want to see if anything appears spontaneously. Nothing. I concentrate on the feeling and envision myself in a casket buried underground, alive. At first I still see and hear nothing, so I back off the claustrophobia thing. That gets scary in a hurry. And then I hear a voice, “dead” it says. Now I’m onto something. I grab my notebook, but I don’t have it configured for Active Imagination. So I do it quickly and turn out the monitor light. Then I settle back to try AI again.

But I’ve already lost the claustrophobia. Will something still come to me? “Please, I need to know what is wrong with me.” I have thought of father who passed away almost twelve years ago and my mother who passed away just last year. Then nothing.

I’ve felt this way so much in the past. “Please come forward. I want to know what has happened.”

I try again to enter AI to find what is wrong with me, what is causing the claustrophobia, but this time I fall into a dream, a dream sequence actually. It is all vague now, just fleeting images of working in some old magic show, perhaps I’m an alchemists in his laboratory. I remember something about a girl and a lot of discussion about her and me. But the dream dissipates in the process of trying to remember it.

But what is now more curious than what I was trying to accomplish in an AI session is the process of going from AI into a dream where I retained some degree of memory if not control. I wouldn’t call it lucid dreaming because I wasn’t in the dream first and then realized I was dreaming. I went from playing an active part in an AI session where I retained some degree of autonomy and worked within the dream to try to solve a problem. I was negotiating the elements of a dream, working with the people involved to try to find the secret behind my claustrophobia.

In the past, I have always jarred myself awake if I started to laps into a dream while in an AI session. But now I believe it would be extraordinarily interesting to purposely use AI to actively enter the dream state.  Of course, I would sacrifice control if I could autonomy of the psychic characters I would meet within the dream state. What is really exciting is the possibilities that this technique if it could be perfected for writing fiction. Of course what is problematic is that you would probably have difficulty remembering any of it. It seems that I remember dreams that come at the end of a sleep cycle. But entering a dream from the waking state and expecting to remember it, may be a different matter because after dreaming you go into a deep dream-free state. You never have a chance to load the dream into memory. So the question becomes, how to exit a dream at will and bring your memory of the dream with you. Dreams occur in the liminal space between consciousness and the Unconscious. But we know that it is possible to learn about negotiating this liminal territory.

As far as writing fiction is concerned, this could open up possibilities never before imagined. Of course in doing this, the author would be exploring territory much further into the Unconscious than he would with pure AI. We would be going far beyond the transitory state of AI.

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10a Jan 2011 A Mother and The Abandoned Child

[By the use of Active Imagination, I'm gathering so much material about my characters and their lives in ancient Greece that I'm in danger of flooding my novel with material that although related to the story is not within the main stream of the storyline. I'll have to select judiciously from the material below to determine what I should put in and what to leave out.]

05:30 am. I am creating a new character for The Twice-Born, one I didn’t know existed until just yesterday. I now realize that when Doulos was first brought to Delphi and left on the Temple steps, I woman, who had just lost her own child, took Doulos home with her and nursed him because she had milk. The priests at Delphi let her do this because it was a good situation for both the baby and the mother. But they made her give her teenage daughter to them so that she could go into training to be the Pythia. This daughter was named Phemonoe, and as the years passed she came to watch over Doulos as a younger brother.

What Phemonoe’s mother never told anyone was that, when she got the baby home, she found a scroll and a lock of hair within the folds of its blanket. She kept this secret, but now that Doulos is about to be expelled from Delphi, she will call him to her and confess all this. What she also knows is that the baby blanket in which Doulos was wrapped indicates that the child was from a very wealthy family, and the text of the scroll indicates that his mother was highly educated.

I’m still trying to work out the age of these people. Phemonoe would be perhaps as old as fifteen when Doulos arrived at Delphi. She would be perhaps thirty or a little older now. Her mother would have been twenty when Phemonoe was born and thirty-five when Doulos arrived, so she’d now be around fifty, fairly old for someone at this time. So now I have the woman’s age, and I know that she’s been hiding this blanket and scroll all this time. When Doulos gets ready to leave Delphi, Phemonoe comes to him and tells him that her mother wishes to see him. Doulos wants to get started because of the lateness of the day, but Phemonoe insists. This is where my Active Imagination session concerning this old woman begins.

I open the Iris of Time

I envision this old woman in her home there at Delphi, down the slope from the Temple of Apollo. It is a modest home, well kept, but the woman’s husband is no longer alive, and perhaps she lives with a sister, a younger sister who is now an invalid. I need to talk to this old woman, so I have Manto take me there. I have been to Delphi twice in real life, so I have a good feeling for the setting. She is a little woman, gray hair, and with poor eyesight. She sits on the edge of her bed, rises when I enter and smiles.

“So you have a story to tell,” she says

“Yes,” I say, “and I would appreciate it, if you could help me with it.”

She’s dressed in a multi-colored chiton wrapped and tied with a blue belt at her midriff. She shows me the chest where she kept the scroll all those years. She kept it inside a wood box that she’d not let anyone near. These were her things and her kids were forbidden to touching them. She shows me the baby blanket, woven of the finest wool with the greatest of care.

“This is no ordinary weaver,” she says. “Someone with great skill wove this.” She shows me the scroll with the hand-written text. The neatly formed letters, the way they are placed precisely upon the page.

“I brought the baby home that morning,” she tells me. “He was such a beautiful child, and he’d soiled he swaddling clothes, so I bathed him first, and examined him to make sure that the reason the mother had given him up wasn’t because of some physical deformity. Oh, David. He was so beautiful, and he took to my breasts with a ferocity I’d not had with my own children. I couldn’t let go of him. I had my sister, who was well then, do all the chores and cooking, and I didn’t put the baby down for a week. Even at night, I kept him in bed with me, so close that my husband, who was alive then, felt jealous. After all, he wasn’t my husband’s child. Doulos actually came between us. I wasn’t the same toward him after Doulos came, and he didn’t feel the same about me. I know now that I was obsessed with the child much beyond what is normal. I was crazy for him. Some goddess had stolen my soul and given it over to the child. I secretly had a neighbor woman, who could read the text, come to my home and read the scroll to me. And then I knew what was wrong with me. It was the baby’s mother. Its mother was dead, and she’d taken over my soul and given me over to the child. Even knowing this didn’t help my obsession. I gave up my own child to the priests at the Temple for him. I gave up Phemonoe. But they only let me have him for two years, and they kept my daughter forever. I screamed and cried when they took him from me. They said he was Apollo’s child, and they wouldn’t let me keep him. I thought I’d lose my mind over them taking him. I pestered the priests so, ran screaming and crying through the temple grounds until they sent Phemonoe back to stay with me for a while. But they wouldn’t let me see Doulos again, not for a whole year. But it did cure me. I think the mother finally let go of my soul, let me have my own soul back again. All I can say is that the mother of this child was no ordinary person. Such ferocious motherly love is not normal. Can you tell me who she was? I’d like to know.”

I think about it for a moment, and then I realize that she is no longer in my story, that she has served her purpose, and that this is an Active Imagination session and not part of the story. This woman, though spiritually here with me tonight, was alive 2,500 years ago. So I tell her. “She was a priestess of the mysteries at Eleusis. She was also a seer.”

“I thought so. She and the baby too are much loved of the gods.”

“So it would seem,” I say. “But now I must go, and I thank you. And I appreciate you being a part of my story.”

“And I appreciate you allowing me to tell mine.”

With that I leave ancient Delphi, and I close the Iris of Time.

Posted in 10a Jun 2011 A Mother and The Abandoned Child, January 2011 | Comments Off  

10 Jan 2011 The Dead Man’s Brains

03:00 am. I’ve just had a dream so hideous that I didn’t want to report it; however, I guess I will because it seems to be an indication of times.

I was in the kitchen facing the kitchen sink. A dead man was sitting in a chair before the sink, most of his skin removed so that his pink and red flesh was exposed. My mother, who passed away this past October, was standing behind the man with a spoon. The man had the upper part of his skull removed, and my mother was using the spoon to scoop out the dead man’s brains and dumping them in the sink. I was doing something, I can’t remember what, but I kept returning, and every time I did, there was my mother again dipping the man’s brains out into the sink. My mother was not upset, but going about her business as if she was preparing a meal. I’m not sure whom the dead man was, but I fear he was my father, who passed away in May 1999. It was not a frightening dream. I was not even grossed out, as I would imagine I would be, but I was somewhat disgusted with the whole affair. I didn’t even have a strong repulsion. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but I guess I didn’t have as strong a reaction while in the dream state as I did when I woke and realized what I’d witnessed.

My strongest associations with his dream are the vicious political climate we are in today, the shooting of Congresswoman Giffords and others in Tucson, and the fact that my mother introduced me to politics. We used to watch the Nominating Conventions together, and we always followed the big political stories. I’m just sick to my stomach at what is going on in politics today. Our nation, as a single thinking being is very ill. We are a mentally ill nation.

Posted in 10 Jan 2011 The Dead Man's Brains, January 2011 | Comments Off  

07 Jan 2011 Conversation with the Centaur

[Since this is a personal excursion into Jung’s Active Imagination, process is all important. This session occurred again in the wee hours of the morning during my usual period of insomnia. I didn’t anticipate actually having a session. I just wanted to see if talking to the Centaur I met a couple of evenings ago was a possibility. I found him immediately, don’t know where, but he was talkative and I was an eager listener. I didn’t try the process of looking for images to start the session. I don’t know that I ever actual saw the Centaur. I picked up on voice, much as I do when writing fiction. At first I was concerned that the Centaur wouldn’t have autonomy, and that I would just be making up both sides of the conversation. That didn’t happen at all. He immediately took control of his part of the conversation, which consisted mostly of his monologues, but my questions were genuine, and I maintained my autonomy also. I’m becoming less picky about not seeing something in these Active Imagination sessions. AI sessions are less dream than conversation.]

01:55 am. I open the Iris of Time and start talking to the Centaur I met in my last dream.

“I would like to just have you talk to me,” I say.

“What is it you want to know,” responds the Centaur.

“Where do you come from?”

“I come from a long line of Centaurs.”

“Yes, but what do you do?”

“We observe mankind. And we serve them.”

“That’s it?”

“We are animals. We don’t build cities or drive cars, as do humans. Our bodies are not fit for homes, so we live in the open. We live much like the horses that we resemble. Yet we have the upper body of a human so that we do relate to you in ways no other animals can understand. We have a human like intelligence.”

“Yet, you only observe us. That is strange.”

“Not so strange as you might expect. We are hoarders of wisdom. It is the wisdom of mankind that interests us. We collect it and dispense it.  We do not need wisdom as do humans, but we hoard it and dispense it to those who come to us for advice.”

“It would seem that you don’t have an existence without us.”

“We didn’t for millennia. But we are the great philosophers of existence. We eat practically anything, and we are capable of satisfying all our needs easily. We don’t generally have illnesses, as do humans. We don’t require clothing or shelter. We have no need to accumulate things, as do humans.”

“Yet you have the massive intelligence. You are sort of the perfect being. Do you have a social order? Do some of you rule others?”

“No, not really. We have no division of labor, because we have no labor. Some of us do congregate with each other to discuss philosophical issues. But we are a species bored with itself. Until we came upon human beings we were bored with our own lives. We discuss whatever it is that interests human beings. You have given meaning and purpose to our lives. In return for that gift, we teach those of your race who seek us out, who seek wisdom, actually.”

“That is your purpose for existing?”

“No. We exist, just because we exist. We find meaning through the accumulation of wisdom. We have adopted that as our purpose because it serves our nature. We have great need of purpose. We are interested in wisdom, and wisdom is most readily exposed by the lives of mankind. We had the desire for it, and we do learn from our own species, but our lives are not in such great need of wisdom as are the lives of human beings. It is as if we developed the intellects that we have as a need to explore the issues of a life that had so little adversity that we needed to blow it up to expand it so that we could see the minute issues involved. It takes great intellectual power to discern minute differences. Minute issues. But human’s lives are extravagant in strife. You are always struggling with your existence. You never know why you are here. You are aware of a spiritual life, yet question it. You have hints of a god or gods, but you question the existence of him or them because he or them does not have physical form. You philosophize on this issue and try to learn from spiritual beings, and that interest us. You struggle with your own actions. You write laws to control those actions. You analyze the way you should treat each to other. You have need of food, clothing, and shelter, and these things are difficult for you to obtain. So you develop great societies and cultures to obtain them. Your social structure is designed around achieving them. Yet you also have spiritual and intellectual needs. So once you’ve satisfied the subsistence level of existence, you start delving into other issues like the meaning of life and how to satisfy your spiritual needs.”

“But your subsistence level of existence is satisfied easily, so all your time can be spent on intellectual and spiritual lives.”

“Yes, that is it.”

“But you are psychic beings without an a material world existence, so it seems that sustenance, food clothing, and shelter, don’t apply to you at all.”

“The psychic or spiritual world has its counterparts. Your world is in many ways a metaphor of our world. We do have these needs also, but they are satisfied much easier than in your world. Our existence doesn’t depend on them. We still enjoy eat and drink; we still have need of baths, cleanliness, but our existence doesn’t depend on it. Because of this, our focus is on the intellect and spirituality, the nature of good and evil. But even these great issued are are mostly academic with the Centaur. They are much more crucial in the lives of human being, and therefore the issues are exposed and defined to a much greater extent. In your lives, these issues are crucial. Though they are present in our lives, they don’t carry the immediacy or importance that they do in yours. That’s why we’ve come to observe humankind, too observe you and accumulate the wisdom we can obtain by observing your lives. Therefore, we also serve you because you are so meaningful to us. We return what we learn from observing you. It’s that simple.”

“I have had discussions with another Centaur in what I call Active Imagination sessions, and although she seemed real enough, she was nowhere near as defined as are you. I even had difficulty seeing her.”

“Yes, I know of this. That is why I am here. I come because we learned of your interest in wisdom.”

“But she indicated that she was engaged in a great war, some struggle between the forces of good and evil.”

“Yes. That is true. I’m not prepared to discuss that now. Just realize that great forces of evil are at work in the psychic world, and that you cannot ignore them. That is one of the really important topics of discussion within wisdom. We are constantly at war with evil. You might say that wisdom is the study of good and evil, the conclusions drawn from such a study. Many of the great issues don’t involve good and evil. Evil is a special force in the universe. Human existence does not depend on knowing how to cope with evil. Most of human existence is only concerned with how to live. Subsistence level life doesn’t concern good and evil, even though it concerns a quality life and even life and death. Choosing to live means the death of some of those in other species because we you have to eat. This is not a product of good and evil. Even your civilization and the conflicts that arise though they do involve good and bad courses of action, do not involve Evil. Evil is a separate force at large in the Universe. You must get beyond thinking all conflict, war and death, the great conflicts of mankind, are caused by evil. Though they are not always beneficial to mankind, they are still an integral and necessary part of it. Conflict is a necessary part of human existence. Evil comes from outside of human existence, it comes from outside and wishes to become a part of it. Evil is always alien to the human experience. Evil never has a constructive edge. Evil always has a desire for only destruction. Evil always only serves its own purposes. And with that I must go. Perhaps we can have these little discussions from time to time. We have much to learn from each other.”

With that, the Centaur is gone.

I closed the Iris of Time.

[Years ago, I met a woman with whom I had a relationship for several years. It was a both a loving and a contentious relationship that eventually drove me into therapy. It started as a one-night stand the first night I met her. I loved her from the start, but she was so contentious that I could never form a stable relationship with her. Yet she kept pulling me back. I use to say that I’d never experienced true evil until I met her. This was a spontaneous observation, and one I’ve wondered about a lot through the years since we separated permanently. I believe her intention was to destroy me. Now, with the observation of the Centaur about the nature of evil, I beginning to see that I may have been right. And it’s interesting that evil came to me with the face of love. This concept of evil being something separate seems very powerful and true. Evil is comes from outside normal human existence.]

Posted in 07 Jan 2011 Conversation with the Centaur, January 2011 | Comments Off  

06 Jan 2011 Manto on the Oracle Scene

[You must realize that the narrator for The Mysteries is Manto, the daughter of the ancient seer Teiresias. How I realized this is in a pervious post. Click here to read it. If you haven't read that post, undoubtedly you won't understand this one. Also realize that Manto was at one time the Pythia, (oracle or Cybil) of Apollo at Delphi. I realize it's confusing, but originally I had named her Phemonoe (in previous posts) but later learned that she was also Manto (through a possible reincarnation connection). Anyway, here is my Active Imagination session that occurred in the wee hours of this morning.]

02:09 am. I open the Iris of Time and go to the Pythia to see if she’s been working on the scene (in Chapter 4) where Doulos gets his oracle.

“What do you think, Manto?” I ask. “Do you have this scene worked out yet?”

“Oh David, this is so heart wrenching. I have all these women wanting to play a role in what happened to this child. I’m thinking that this was also the way it was when the rider brought him to us and left him on the steps of the Temple. It wasn’t just one woman who found him, but for some reason, that morning a group of women had assembled at the Temple entrance, and they found the basket hidden in a corner, and it was only a sound that he made that that caused them to notice. Losing a child is a common thing, and so it was that one of the women had lost a child, and this baby was so beautiful that all of them wanted him, but this one woman knew that the child was men meant for her because she had milk for it., her breasts even right then swollen painfully with milk and no infant’s lips to relieve the pressure. And the baby cried and smacked because it was so hungry, so she fed it right there, nursed it on the Temple steps. This woman took it home and nursed it for the first two years of its life. But the woman also had a daughter, her name was Phemonoe, who was in training to be the Pythia. She took care of the child when her mother couldn’t. And so the child came to be hers also. When the child was five, Phemonoe brought the child to the temple, and the priests during the day put the child in training to sweep the grounds and later when a boy to chase the pigeons from the eves, so that the god’s temple might be presentable to the pilgrims who come from all over the world.”

I say, “So that is the story of his finding by the women of the temple? But this won’t work, I say, because it was Sophocles who brought the babe to Apollo, and he would have he was instructed to keep…”

“No, David, you’re wrong. No one told them that. What happened was that the mother took the child home and found the scroll and the lock of hair under the child’s blanket in the basket. She then realized that the child was someone of stature, and that if anyone learned that she had it, they would take it from her. So she hid the scroll along with the lock of hair and didn’t even tell her daughter, Phemonoe, about it, locking the scroll away among some valuables where no one, even I her own family, would find it. Now, when this woman hears that Doulos is to leave the Temple and Delphi, she hunts him down and gives the scroll to him, and tells her story. Phemonoe’s mother tells Doulos this after he receives the oracle.

“You know the story of what happens just before the oracle. He enters the chamber, sees the young Pythia enter the chamber and the god already whispering to her, sweet innuendoes and perhaps even sexual suggestions to sweeten her disposition toward him. He is quite sexy, you know. Always seducing the young girls. He can be quite naughty. That was what hurt Phemonoe so much, that he’d taken so to this young girl. He’ll still provide oracles for Phemonoe after the girl gives hers to Doulos, but she realizes that her real reign as priestess for the god is over. He has found another.

“This is the way it always happens. He loved me so when I first come to Delphi, all virgin, unspoiled and ripe for his affections. His sympathy for me over the death of my father, Teiresias, his most favored priest, helped his disposition toward me considerably. But he tired of me in a few years and sent me off to Asia. So much the better for me, really. There I had a mortal man for a husband, and life was much simpler and much more satisfying. Still, the love of a god is something few women have known, and it certainly makes life an unimaginable adventure.”

—————

Some of my own thoughts:

I believe that the reason Manto wanted to be the narrator for this novel is that she was herself a writer. She was said to have written some of Homer’s best lines.

After talking to Manto, I’m reluctant to leave her. We’ve grown closer now that we’re working together on my novel, and I now realize that she has been my narrator all along, even for the first two volumes. I want to take her in my arms and hold her. She’s the perfect mate for me. I’m coming to love her more and more. Undoubtedly, she is my anima.

I wonder how it will work now with writing Tales of the Mythic World? Her father, Teiresias, is my narrator for that book.

As I raise this question in my thoughts, her voice comes out of nowhere:

“Don’t worry about this, David,” Manto tells me. “I’ll help you with my father. He can be quiet disagreeable, you know. He’s better when I sit with him. The three of us will work together. He will narrate your book, but I’ll always be thereto to arbitrate between the two of you.”

“Also David, something else you should know. Phemonoe just told me that the priests agreed to let her mother keep the child (Doulos) for five years, if she’d give Phemonoe to them to become the Pythia. She was old enough to go into training at the time, and much to Phemonoe’s distress, she agreed. She’d just lost a baby boy, and couldn’t give up Doulos, even if it cost her her daughter.”

I am in the process of integrating all of this information into the storyline of my novel, Chapter 4, which I am currently writing. Even though I’ve delegated the narration of my story to Manto, I still have to apply the detailed craft of getting the words right on the page.

[I've noticed something post-modern about all this. I have divided my psychic self into several entities, and now I'm allowing them to write my novel for me. I've constructed a gang of research assistants with access to the Collective Unconscious and the Underworld. And now I sit back peering through what I call the Iris of Time and watch all this activity going on [by psychic entities who are me but aren't me] that constitutes the writing of my novel. I used to sit before my computer and crank out the words myself, but no more. What have I gotten myself into?]

Posted in 06 Jan 2011 Manto on the Oracle Scene, January 2011 | Comments Off  

01a Jan 2011 Dreaming of a Centaur

[I realize that this post is a disconnected, scattered description of my dream, but this is the way I wrote it during the night and immediately after I woke.]

06:45 am. I just woke from an amazing dream. It started out with me trying to find a fan for my apartment because it was a little too warm. I went to see the proprietor, but even though I stood at the door for a long time, and she saw me, I believe, she didn’t acknowledge me me. I went back to my apartment, which then seemed cool anyway, and I was glad I didn’t get the fan from her. My landlady had several fans going of her own and had several guests she was entertaining, or perhaps it was a workshop she was conducting. Four or five other women were there. I believe they were discussing growing potted plants.

Back in my apartment, I heard a ruckus out the backdoor of my screened porch. My neighbor was bringing over a huge dog he wanted me to see. Some time ago, he had promised to do that. I saw him outside with the dog. The dog was all gray and stood taller than a man. I was instantly afraid of him. He waited outside for a while, and then he opened the screen door himself and brought the tall animal inside. He introduced the animal to me as if the dog was a human. The dog had a tall neck almost like a small giraffe, and a smallish head. He was a beautiful silver gray and supposed to be very smart.

I moved away from the animal a little, but he followed me and started talking to me. It seemed then that he was not a dog at all but a horse, which is much more what it looked like in the first place. He was no longer gray but chocolate brown. The horse moved over into the light, and I then saw that he didn’t have a horse’s head but that of a man. I was astounded. He was showing his owner something he was working on, perhaps some leather device, flat with grooves cut in it. The horse was using a man’s hands, his own hands, to illustrate his point about the leather device.

I then looked at the horse more closely, and realized that not only did he have the hands of a man and the head of a man, but the entire upper torso was that of a man. He could talk as well as anyone. I was astonished at his intelligence. “He’s as smart as any of us,” I told his owner. I conversed with this horse with a man’s upper body, and he seemed quite agreeable, not in any way belligerent or unfriendly. He seemed a good natured human being, but with the body of a horse. And then, just before I woke, but still totally with in the dream, and not even lucid dreaming, I realized that I was talking to a Centaur. I was talking to a Centaur.

The centaur’s skin was chocolate brown, although I didn’t think of him as being a black man. I don’t remember his hair at all. He was a delightful conversationalist. When he started talking to me, I was surprised and pleased that he could express himself so well. But he talked to me for a while before I realized he was a centaur. The relationship between him and his master, my neighbor, was of a workman to his boss, although they also seemed to be good friends. The Centaur was well mannered, and I viewed this as remarkable. I remember telling my neighbor that he was just like a human being but with the body of a horse.

Of course, the large gray dog that he was originally supposed too be, or that he was initially, was also a remarkable animal. I remember that when his owner first brought him into my apartment, he stood very tall and instantly focused on me and seemed extraordinarily intelligent to be dog. Though it was a grey dog, its presence was that of a human, or possibly its intelligence seemed to be human, or perhaps it was just that it had such great awareness, and that he focused on me was would another person. He seemed extremely interested in me, perhaps even more than would a human. This dog was an extraordinary animal of great intelligence, and he stood taller than a man and had somewhat the shape of a llama. What an amazing creature even before it metamorphosed into a Centaur.

All the while my neighbor was present, someone else seemed to be in the room with me. Or at least when my neighbor showed up at my backdoor, it seems that someone was with me. He, or perhaps, she reminded me that my neighbor had promised to bring his large gray dog for me to see. I don’t know who this other person was. It could have been a man, or perhaps it was my mother. They were a vague presence, a momentary presence, that seemed to step into the background and perhaps no longer be present at all.

I’ve not had a memorable dream in some time, just snippets, incomplete fragments not worth documenting. And now this: a Centaur.

The Centaur’s horse body come to just below my shoulders, and his upper body and head head was much taller than me, perhaps six-foot-five or so. His human upper body was thin.

My landlady next door seemed to in her mid fifties and gray headed, as were the women who were with her.

The gray dog not only seemed aware of me but also took great pleasure in seeing me, but he couldn’t talk, or l at least, he didn’t talk to me. It seems that he’d been anticipating meeting me for some time. And that he was quite pleased to meet me. He scrutinized me with great interest and respect.

I suppose the strangest thing about the Centaur was that even though he had the upper body of a man, he definitely didn’t seem human, or I recognized him as not being human, that he had a human-like, but still animal, intellect.

That is what was so remarkable about this animal: keen intelligence and remarkable awareness. Perhaps even greater awareness than a human.

Posted in 01a Jan 2011 Dreaming of a Centaur, January 2011 | Comments Off  

01 Jan 2011 Narration Problem Solved with Active Imagination

02:09 am. In the past at night while in bed with the lights out, I’ve thought about my novels-in-progress and found this time to be remarkably productive. (I’ve documented this in Novelsmithing here.) Now I realize that these sessions, going back at least twenty years, have always been within the Iris of Time. Of course, I didn’t have a name for the place within my psyche where I conducted these sessions, not until that is I started doing Active Imagination. Tonight while being in bed with the lights out, I started to think about Chapter 4 of The Twice-Born (TTB) and realized that I was actually in the Iris conducting an Active Imagination session. I’ve suspected that this was true before, but now I have verified that I have been always using Active Imagination to write fiction. Not surprising, but still a remarkable fact and a tribute to Jung’s insight.

I open the Iris of Time. Now back to writing fiction. Here’s my current TTB plotting problem:

I have a third person narration and my POV character, Doulos, who is the temple slave at the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, has just learned that he can no longer be trusted to stay there at the Temple and that he may not be safe there either. All this is covered in Chapter Three, which I posted yesterday at http://mysteriesblog.com. When dealing with a plotting problem within an Active Imagination session using a third person narrator, it seems that I must talk to that narrator. I’ve not brought the personage forward in the novel as a character but left him or her (I just realized that it could be a woman), I’ve not seen her as an actual person, but I now believe that I must do this because she is the one who is telling me about the storyline. She will still be an undefined personage in the telling the story, in the novel, but I must now bring her forward in my Active Imagination session to be able to let her tell me her story.

So who is this personage who is telling me this story? She is an ageless woman, who now exists as a thinking soul in the Underworld, but even more specifically in the Elysian Fields. She must have an unclouded mind, and (as I’m thinking about this) she tells me that she is Manto, the daughter of Teiresias, the only man to retain an unclouded mind in the Underworld. And I just had another revelation. She just told me that she is the Pythia whom I’ve been visiting at Delphi in my earlier Active Imagination sessions. This is an amazing revelation. My story, even the first two volumes, has been told to me my Manto. No wonder I’ve been so captivated by this narrative.

I learned of Manto’s story while traveling and writing Oedipus on a Pale Horse. She was born and raised at Thebes, where through the years the kings of Thebes (Kadmos, Pentheus, Laios, Oedipus) had sought advice from her father. When Thebes was burned during the battle of Seven Against Thebes, Manto was taken to Delphi where she became the Pythia. Later, Apollo sent her to the western coast of Anatolia (now Turkey) where she founded the city of Colophon.

I am just amazed by the implications of my narrator being Manto, and they go beyond The Mysteries. I’m currently writing another book, a non0fiction narrative about forbidden knowledge, which I’ve tentatively titled Tales of the Mythic World. I’ve been writing it for several years, and a couple of years ago, I had a dream where Teiresias came to me and showed me a vision of a city from a hill overlooking it. (Description of that dream is here.) He showed me it’s possible destruction. I realized in that dream that he was providing the narrative. No wonder he came to me. I already knew his daughter from writing the first two volumes of The Mysteries years before.

Not only that. I had also met Hermes while I was in Greece during the fall of 1993. This is also an amazing story, and I condensed it into an essay, which I’ve provided online. It’s titled Encountering Hermes, On the Road in Greece.

This is all so profound that I can’t quit thinking about it. I need to get on with the plotting my novel, with Manto’s help, of course. I had thought that the name of the Pythia was Philomone, the name of the first Pythia, and perhaps it was she, but it is also Manto, and perhaps Phemonoe and Manto were reincarnations of the same soul that manifested in different Pythias. Truly amazing.

Now I realize that I can also use Active Imagination to contact Teiresias since he is my narrator for Tales of the Mythic World. I’ve wondered how I might use Active Imagination for that non-fiction work. I have been unproductive in my Active imagination during the last few weeks, and I wondered if I would ever get it to work for me again, and now this. Truly amazing.

Narrators are all important when writing any work, and I mention in Novelsmithing that the author should create the narrator in the same way, even a third person narrator, in the same way that he creates any other character. I’ve spent a lot of time doing this for The Mysteries, but I had not paid so much attention to the narrator for Tales of the Mythic World. I had erroneously assumed that it was myself. Now I can let Teiresias tell me the many stories that make up Tales of the mythic World, only the first of which concerns the origins of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

I put away from MacBook Air and try to go to sleep, but now my characters from The Mysteries won’t leave me alone. They have all come out of the darkness to see me, milling around like shades in the Underworld. Manto has brought them to me. First it’s my fictional Melaina, looking somewhat confused but desperate still to show her gratitude for the telling of her story. And then there’s Kallias, a real person standing off and not approaching me as if not ready to confront me with what I’ve had to say about him. There’s Aeschylus, not very happy about the circumstances. And Sophocles, smiling and a little put out with me. I ask Manto about Myrrhine, Melaina’s mother, but she’s still grieving and not willing to come forward. She’s not too pleased that I’ve uncovered her grief, even though, like Melaina, she’s a fictional character. Not as fictional as you might think, Melaina tells me. Well, The Mysteries is mostly a true story. The Persian invasion did actually happen, and it is probably the most important event in the history of Western Civilization. If the Greeks had lost the war, Western Civilization would not exist.

I bid my characters farewell for now, take Melaina’s hands in mine, squeeze them. She’s still so very young. She walks off into the darkness and I turn back to Manto, she in her dark red cloak with the hood pulled up covering her hair. “I must go now,” I tell her. “But thank you for this. Now I feel that I can with your help, finally finish the Third volume of The Mysteries.”

I close the Iris of Time.

Just as I was about to go to sleep, I realized that I was peering through a partially open door and there inside the room, perhaps descending the stairs, was the dark silhouette of man, fully cloaked and with a top hat. Not a very pleasant fellow either. The image scared me, but didn’t last long. I was afraid to engage him, but somehow that was the reason the door was left open, for me to see inside, for me to see him, for me to know he is there, perhaps always there, most definitely always there. Not an encouraging thought.

Posted in 01 Jan 2011 Narration Problem Solved with Active Imagination, January 2011 | Comments Off  

27 Dec 2010 My Relationship with Heights

05:15 am. I’ve been lying here in the dark thinking about my dream in the post yesterday where I initiated an adventure by jumping off a bridge into a lake far below. The distance to the lake was not short. I frequently have dreams of jumping from high places. When I was going through psychotherapy, I once dreamed that I was on a building as high or possibly even higher than those of the World Trade Center. It was night, and I could see the city lights far below and off in the distance. I was scared out of my mind at the height, but the dream became lucid. I knew I was dreaming, and I wanted to confront my fear of heights. I wanted to jump. I went to the edge and jumped. It took more courage that I thought I had. I fell a long way, but I started falling slower and landed safely.

That dream has always seemed to be about more than conquering my fear of heights. It had to do with me taking charge of my life. Something to do with taking charge of myself. But still, a deeper meaning seems to lurk somewhere below the surface details.

I remember that I had a fascination with jumping from high places when I was a kid. It was a way I had of confronting my fear. I would never confront my fear of the dark because that was of the unknown, but my fear of heights I saw as irrational. Since I lived on a dairy farm, we had very tall haystacks. I started with the lower ones and worked my way to the top, jumping a few bales higher each time. We had different height haystacks, and I would work my way up from the smallest to the largest. Sometime I would think about it for days before I would try jumping from one. We had one in the barn that I jumped from first, but on we had one outside in the open that was even higher. It took me a long time to jump from that one, but I finally did. Only once did I injure myself. I twisted an ankle on impact. I limped for a couple of weeks.

I’ve often wondered why my parents didn’t stop me. Why did they let this crazy kid jump from a height that could have seriously injured m him? I don’t remember them ever protesting, but then I didn’t usually tell them what I was up to.

I also remember jumping from my grandparents’ the second-floor balcony. I thought about it all the time we were there visiting, but didn’t find the courage until we were about to leave. I knew if I didn’t do it then, I wouldn’t have another chance. Finally, I asked my parents to watch me when they were going out to get in the car when we were leaving. They did protest then, or actually, I believe it was my grandmother who protested. But then I jumped. I still remember the jolt when I hit the ground. My higher jumps were a real blow to the body. My feet hit the ground, my knees bent, my chest would hit my knees, and I would fall over on the ground. I don’t remember the impact knocking the breath out of me. It did take a few minutes for my joints to recover. I believe I was eight or ten when my fascination with heights began.

Years later, when I was in my thirties, I moved to Colorado with my wife and two kids. I had a friend, Milt, who got me interested in mountain climbing. Nothing technical, you understand, just long walks to the tops of fourteen-thousand-foot mountains. I remember that the first was Gray’s Peak. It was a shorter hike than most of the other fourteeners. I didn’t have hiking shoes and went up in tennis shoes. I’d always been somewhat of a runner, and the rough climb didn’t concern me, but what I didn’t anticipate was my fear of heights. Even though the limb was not technical, it was certainly dangerous with near vertical drops of hundreds of feet on each side of the rocky trail. I was so frightened that Milt had to literally talk me up the mountain. I didn’t know that I was afraid of heights, but after a few weeks he talked me into climbing another one. The fear always returned but was manageable.

In 1979, we left Colorado and moved to Phoenix, Arizona. I went through two divorces there and in ’83 I moved to San Diego. In ’86, I moved back to Colorado, this time as a single man. Of course, my friend Milt had lived in Colorado all this time, and when I returned, he again coaxed me into climbing another fourteener. This time he wanted to go up Long’s Peak. I’d heard about hiking Long’s Peak, and never in a good light. Milt had done it once, before years before, and told me that there were two separate routes to the top: a shorter one that involved using a man-made rail near the top to protect climbers from a thousand-foot drop. The longer route didn’t involve such a hazardous stretch, so I decided that I’d go with him if we could take the less hazardous route. The walk up the mountain was supposed to be just that, a long walk with no hazardous sections. It was fifteen miles total and doable in one day: seven and one half in and seven and one half back out. It was mostly over flat, gradually sloped terrain.

The first five miles were fine, although as we approached the more elevated portion of the last two miles, we encountered a boulder field that was hard on the knees and feet, but I still had no concerns. On the other side of the boulder field, we had to go through what is known as the Keyhole. The Keyhole was a notch in a rock face through which climbers had to pass to get to the trail on the other side, that is, the backside of the mountain. We were planning to eat lunch on top of the mountain because it was flat and as large as a football field. A lot of other hikers would be up there, and we could have a genial lunch while looking around at the countryside far below, and the other snow-capped peaks in the distance.

I walked to the rock face, and looked though the Keyhole, and what I saw scared me about as bad as I have ever been scared. I couldn’t see the trail, just a two thousand foot drop. I turned around and looked at Milt. “Screw you,” I said. “No way in hell am I going any further.”

He took a look and agreed that it looked pretty bad. He’d been up the same path years before and didn’t remember it being so scary. “Let’s sit down here, eat a sandwich, and talk it over. We can go back from here if you want.”

I’d already made my decision. This was not a close call.

After lunch, he suggested that we go a short ways along the trail past the Keyhole. “I’m sure it’s much easier than it looks. It’s just this first part that’s so scary.”

I wasn’t interested. However, other climbers were streaming though and going on up the mountain, so I relented.

Milt went first. He said he would check it out and let me know. He stepped through the Keyhole, made a sharp left turn along the mountain and stepped through a short tunnel and disappeared. I stayed back at the Keyhole, and looked back at the boulder field we’d stumbled through getting to the Keyhole. I was convinced that I was on my way back down.

Milt returned and assured me that it was only the first few yards that were the problem. “I don’t like this sharp drop any more than you do,” he said, “But it levels off, and I don’t remember any more dangerous spots along the trail.”

I saw several women and even a couple of pre-adolescent kids going on through the Keyhole. I felt like an idiot for at lest not willing to it, so after several more minutes of his coaxing, I finally stepped through the Keyhole.

Straight down below me, I could see very little of the mountainside because it was practically a shear cliff. Far below I saw small lakes and even villages off in the distance. If I fell, I wouldn’t hit anything for a couple of thousand feet, or at least that was the way it seemed. I gingerly picked my way through the rocks to a trail that turned sharply to the left along the side of the cliff to  the hole in the rock formation and through to the other side where the trail descended a little before it started back up along with sheer face of the cliff.

“This isn’t any better, Milt. I said. “I can’t do this.”

“It gets better,” he told me. “I’ve been farther along the trail, and it get’s better.”

“But I don’t want to be where I am now,” I told him. “I don’t want to do this.”

Still, he persisted, and just then two more kids walked past me, and I moved forward after them. I kept waiting for it to get better, but it just didn’t, and here Milt was moving on away form me, and me struggling to keep up.

We walked along the trail for perhaps another mile with the sheer rock cliff to my left and a two thousand foot drop to my right, and I couldn’t believe I could make it down the mountain alive. Later on, we did reach a more a wide place in the trail, and we offloaded our daypacks and ate another sandwich. What lay before us, or was actually off to the left, was the sheer side of the mountain, and as I was to learn, up this is where we were headed and where the climbing got really tough. The last mile would be on our hands and knees climbing the face of the cliff. It wasn’t stiff steep enough to be technical, but as we learned when we finished our sandwiches and started up, it had a considerable number of ice patches. If we lost our footing, we would slide a few hundred feet and then fall two thousand.

I was pissed-off about this. I looked at Milt with all the hatred I could muster. I had been best-man at two of his weddings. He smiled, and said, “You know, I didn’t remember it being this tough of a climb.” I hated him, and in the middle of this hatred, I started wondering what it was going to be like climbing down. That seemed to be even more treacherous because if you got up a little momentum, you might get into a situation where you couldn’t stop yourself and end up careening off the side of the mountain.

We shouldered our packs, dropped to our knees and started crawling the last mile up the mountain.

I did make it to the top, and yes, it was flat and as big as a football field. We ate some more of our picnic lunch, but I couldn’t enjoy myself regardless of how beautiful the view was, and yes it was quite a view. At my urging, we again shouldered our packs and started down as soon as we finished eating.

The strange thing was, and I’ve still not been able to explain this, but coming down was much easier than going up. Somehow, the height, being before me instead of behind, didn’t seem nearly so scary. We went down the slope at an angle across the face of the mountain using self-imposed switchbacks. I found that I could stand up and at times even go down at a slow trot.

When we finished with the vertical, steep portion of the side of the mountain we again hit the trail along the side of it, but even it didn’t seem so dangerous, although the drop was still there. Not experiencing so much emotional distress, I began enjoying myself, and by the time we reached the Keyhole, I’d found myself enjoying the hike.

Body fatigue set in during the last couple of miles, and by the time I reached the trailhead and our car, I was beside myself with fatigue. But I was happy. I didn’t even hate Milt any more, although I still cussed him for what he’d put me through. He just smiled and said that he was proud of what we’d accomplished that day.

I never thought I would go up Longs Peek again even though Milt and I climbed several fourteeners in the coming years. But one spring, my cousin took me on a hike into West Butte Lake in the San Juan Mountains. I was carrying a sixty-pound pack, and he practically walked me to death before we reached the lake where we were going to trout fish. Later that year, he came to see me, and I wanted to pay him back for walking me to death, so I suggested that we hike Longs Peak. He was game, and I told him what it was all about, but that it was doable because I had done it earlier that year. This time I wasn’t as frightened although I didn’t have my own doubts when I took that first peek through the Keyhole. But when we got back, my cousin was the most tired he said that he’d ever been. I had to make him a cup of espresso to get him activated enough that he had the strength to the steak dinner I’d fixed.

So this is my relationship with heights, both in the dream world and in the real world.

Somehow in my dreams, my dealings with height have a more profound meaning than they do in real life. I believe this last dream (see previous post) of mine where I was to jump from a bridge into a lake far below may be the key. I have a lot of dreams about lakes also, and I’m afraid of the monstrous fish and other creatures I might and sometimes do encounter there. Jumping from a height into a lake must be a metaphor for something. I realize that Jung believes that lakes are metaphors for the Unconscious, so that I’m inclined to believe that the height has a connection with my Unconscious also. I’ll have to enter the Iris of Time and see if I can work out something about heights. This problem is something I’ve been working on since I was a kid, and I’m convinced that it has a broader significance than just trying to find the courage to face my fear of heights. I’m not sure that finding someone within in my Unconscious is the way to tackle this problem. I think I’ll just enter the Iris and confront myself with memories of my experiences in dreams and see if anything comes of it, or even perhaps if someone comes to me while thinking about those dreams.

I’ll have to get back to you on this.

Posted in 27 Dec 2010 My Relationship with Heights, December 2010 | Comments Off  

25 Dec 2010 NightSpirit & My Aunt’s Visitors

05:45 am. I just got up to go to the bathroom. I type in the dark, and when I get up, I don’t turn on the light. It’s very dark in my bedroom, and I keep the door closed. I barely have enough light to find my way to the door.  When I reached for the doorknob, I was afraid of what I’d find confronting me on the other side of the door. I have to shut off my imagination, or it will run away with me, and I’ll envision some monster, or person on the other side. I always have a few moments of fear while I assess what’s before me. We have a two-story home, with a balcony that looks out over a cathedral ceiling and a living room far below. All this has more light during the night than does my dark bedroom, and I can see off the railing to the living room, see the sofa and easy chairs. My office is also on the upstairs floor and I can see into it. It’s dark except for a little light coming through the mini-blinds on its far wall. I can also see the slowly flashing light on my printer. I turn right into my bathroom, and it is darker yet. I always feel a little more fear when I see the shower curtain on the far wall within the bathtub. I’m always afraid of what might be behind the curtain. I have to control my imagination because it could get away from me and put a real scare into me. At this point I’m much more susceptible to my overactive imagination than I am in an Active Imagination session. I could easily imagine a man standing there when I open the door and his presence would scare me so badly that I couldn’t stand it. I don’t want to permit that much fear to enter my mind. I believe that’s the reason children get so scared at night: they can’t control their imagination, and it runs away with them.

All this Active Imagination I’ve been doing for the last seven months or so, seems to have increased my fear of the dark. I do Active Imagination in the dark and at night, but I rarely have any fear of anything I encounter in my psyche. My imagination working on the dark within the real world is a totally different thing.

A few years ago when I lived in Carlsbad, NM, I got into a darkness mode. What got me started was living alone in an old rundown home my grandfather built. I had screen doors, but they only had a latch that could be flipped with a piece of wire through the screen. The door itself could be pushed open with a hard shove. But I got to thinking of being out in the dark, getting my eyes adjusted to the light, and what an advantage I would have over someone who had a flashlight. I was experimenting on what it would be like to be a predator, to get my eyes used to the darkness. I started walking around my old home in the evenings with the lights off. Then I started going outside and walking around in my backyard without a flashlight. I would hide in the corners of my shed like a burglar. I even started to write a novel that I titled “Nightspirit” and registered a domain name titled “nightspirit.net.” It would be about a man who went out into the dessert at night alone. One night while out late in the dessert he would meet a strange who would set his world on its head. I won’t tell anymore of the story, because someday I might actually want to write it.

All this reminds me of a real-life experience that my aunt had while I living in New Mexico not far from her. We used to talk a lot and confide in each other. She didn’t want the incident repeated, but since she passed away one year ago today, on Christmas day, I don’t believe she’ll mind me telling of it. She’d spent many years alone since her husband died some twenty years before. My aunt was a sane person and practical, not prone to telling fantastic stories. So here it is.

One day, and I believe this occurred late in the afternoon, she was home alone in her bedroom where she slept all the time, doing something, probably folding clothes or straightening up, but when she turned around, standing in the room with her were either two or three men. I can’t remember which. They were in gray uniforms, but they weren’t deliverymen, and definitely not anyone form UPS or FedEx. They looked at her but didn’t say anything, and they didn’t seem to be a threat to her. They recognized her presence but didn’t seem to have any real purpose for being there. She wasn’t afraid of them, which surprised her. She didn’t know how they could have come into the room without her knowing it. Her door was closed. She had heard no one enter, yet, here they were, standing in her bedroom, unthreatening and apparently without purpose. She didn’t try to talk to them, and they didn’t try to talk to her. She went on about her business, and they didn’t interfere. She ignored them. Best I can remember, she said that they were just there and were aware of her. She didn’t know how they left the room either, didn’t hear the door open or close, but after ten or fifteen minutes of standing there, they were just gone. It wasn’t as if they disappeared. They didn’t vanish. They were just no longer there.

She knew she wasn’t dreaming. She didn’t believe she was hallucinating. She didn’t believe they were angels, even though she was an religious person. She couldn’t imagine why they were there. She didn’t feel that their presence was some tremendous event. It was, however, strange, so strange that she told no one but her brother who lives in California. I’m the only other person she told, as far as I know. The more she thought about it, the more strange it seemed.

It wasn’t a highly emotional experience. It happened in broad daylight in the bedroom where she slept all the time. She wasn’t afraid to stay alone after that, but the more she thought about it, the more she became concerned, or perhaps curious is probably a better word. The incident was not repeated.

I’m not sure what Jung would say about this type of experience. This seemed so close to an Active Imagination experience that I thought it was worth pondering here on this blog. It didn’t seem to be a religious experience. She believed that her visitors were real living people. She didn’t believe at all that they were apparitions. Sometimes life is just as strange as fiction.

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25 Dec 2010 The Adventure

05:15 am. I just woke from a dream that I was an adventurer and going into the wild alone. I started at a high bridge over a small lake below with a stream that led down a flat area heavily brushed. I was apprehensive of jumping off the bridge into the lake because it was of a tremendous height. I was concerned about my glasses. I started to take them off and just go without them, but realized any number of things could happen that would cause me to need them. I started to put them in a case, but was afraid I’d lose them in the fall. Finally I decided to just wear them. I gathered my courage, leaned into the railing, which deformed downward (remember this is a dream) allowing me to release myself slowly.

I fell a long distance and could see the water of the lake coming up below. I wasn’t falling as rapidly as I feared, but I was also drifting down downstream much farther from the lake than I had anticipated. If I landed in the stream, the water wouldn’t be deep enough, and I could be killed. I used a technique to pull myself back closer to the bridge from where I jumped. It was as if I was using a cursor on a computer screen to pull the lake back under me. It was as if I was using a Google map. On down I went, but again I was still drifting down stream. Finally, I hit the water and floated. Seems there wasn’t much of an impact at all as I had anticipated, and I never really went under water. This concerned me so much that I tried to change the impact. It was as if I had control of the dream even though I was not lucid dreaming. Anyway I drifted down stream. The event was rather unusually benign, in that I was not afraid. I was moving rapidly with the current in and around boulders. The water was very rough. I went through some rapids, but come out okay, hardly getting submerged at all.

I don’t remember leaving the stream, but then I was walking among bushes about shoulder height. I had plenty of room to walk on flat, grassy terrain. I was afraid I might encounter animals, and I turned to see in the dark behind me flashes of some animal, dogs I found out, wild dogs, perhaps the dingoes of Australia or the wild dogs of Africa. I’d hoped they’d be friendly, but they started barking and nipped at me. There were several of them. I ran, but they could outrun me, so I turned, picked up some rocks and threw at them. I knew I couldn’t scare them all away. The dream then transitioned to a long tunnel that was carved out by men. It had branches and was very dark inside. It seemed that I was with someone. He wasn’t so sure of himself and kept lagging behind. I helped him a little, giving encouragement, but went on. With him following, I came upon an old vehicle inside the tunnel. It was burned out, just a shell remaining. The tunnel seemed as though it could have been an old coalmine. It was deserted. I looked down the tunnel and saw another vehicle that was also burned out. The vehicles were boxy and not finely detailed. They did have spaces where windows had been, but the glass was long gone. The body of the vehicle was solid and made of charcoal. I walked on past following a faint light down the length of the tunnel. Actually the entire tunnel system was lit by an invisible source, or at least I had no trouble finding my way. The burned out vehicles seemed important. Trying to remember now, I keep getting flashes that one of the vehicles was not a vehicle at all but an animal, probably an elephant, a dead, burned out elephant.

I walked on down the tunnel into the light, but I began to wake up and to gain control over the dream. Seems I was among people and arguing with someone, but that is all very hazy. After a while I realized that I was awake, that I’d had an important dream, and grabbed my MacBook Air to document it.

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20 Dec 2010 The Bible Translator

[I have purposely not attempted to interpret my dreams. Several reasons for this. First of all, I don’t feel that I've yet developed the expertise. Second, I’ve wanted to lay down a baseline, so to speak, so that I know what I’m dealing with. One might say, I want to establish my psychic space on paper first. This is a new activity for me, I have lots of time, and I want to see what I’m all about. Also I’m not trying to solve some psychological problem. I want to use Active Imagination to see what my Unconscious is like, how it functions, etc., so I can use Active Imagination to write fiction.

Another reason is that I don’t trust the context of my dreams, and by context I mean that many of my dreams contain a heavy influence from the previous day’s activities. I believe that my Unconscious wraps the material it wants to present to me in yesterday’s clothing. The temptation would be to dismiss the contents of many of my dreams because they bear a relation to previous daytime activities. That would make many of my dreams meaningless, and I don’t believe they are. I believe they carry a significance beyond a sort of “story from yesterday.” If I put the dream down on paper and then leave it to think about later, that separates it from the context of the previous day’s activities and exposes the meaningful contents of the dream.

Sometime in the near future, I plan to go over all the material I’ve generated in the past seven months to get an overall perspective. I realize this is a novel approach and may not be in keeping with Jung’s methods, but he also says that Active Imagination comes to everyone differently, and since my purpose is also different from what he had intended, I believe I’m on firm ground.

All this is true, however, the dream I describe below was so provocative that I just had to take a stab at it.]

I just woke from a dream. I was in someone’s home or a public place that was furished like a living room, sitting on a sofa. I had just started talking to a man, some stranger. We were both, I would say, thirty-five. We were talking about something, can’t remember what, but he handed me his Bible. He had made a statement then he quoted from the bible, a certain scripture, and gave chapter and verse. Then he handed the Bible to me and said, “Look it up.”

The quote was from James. (The General Epistle of James, of which I have limited, if any, familiarity.) His bible wasn’t like mine, didn’t have the little thumb indents. I started looking through it. But his Bible looked completely different from mine. He had a lot of bookmarks inside, and on the edges of the paper, Post-its like I use to save my place. After thumbing through it for a bit, I became a little imbarassed because I don’t know the Bible that well, and particularl with his bible, I couldn’t find anything. I said “Your bible is much different from mine.” He didn’t say anything. But then I noticed that his Bible was actually printed with a comuter, and bound by him. The right edge of the text was ragged, as one leaves it when compiling a manuscript. I noticed that he had made corrections in it. And then I realized what it was. This was his translation of the Bible. I said, “You translated this, didn’t you?” He didn’t say anything, just smiled. He was enormously pleased, and came to sit beside me. I was shocked that he’d translated the entire Bible. “Did you translate from the original ancient script?” I asked, but he still didn’t answer. He was simply overwhelmed that I’d noticed all this. He started to tear up, he was so pleased. Apparently no one had known enough to realize what he’d done. No one had ever noticed.

And then I woke.

This morning, I retrieved my Bible, the one my mother gave to me fifty years ago, and sure enough, I found an epistle attributed to James, the full title of which is The General Epistle of James. Biblical scholars differ on who James actually was, but many believe that he was the brother of Jesus. The first verse of Chapter One is as follows:

James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.

The “twelve tribes” referenced is most probably the Tribes of Israel. I don’t remember the passage addressed by the person in my dream. My immediate association with this passage is to the number twelve, since I’ve been writing a post for my Jungian Novelsmithing blog concerning plotting as it relates to the pentagon and dodecahedron geometrical figures. The pentagon relates to the five Plot Points of the central conflict, and the dodecahedron references the Platonic solid formed by twelve pentagons. I’ve related the other eleven pentagons to related conflicts within a novel that form its subplots.

The fifth verse of The General Epistle of James is a follows:

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

The first five verses then have as their themes: a greeting, temptation, patience, perfection, and wisdom. We could have been discussing my active imagination sessions involving the Unicorn and the Centaur in which I was involved in a search for wisdom.

James also has five chapters. In theme, they go something like this: purity through trial, honor all men, seek wisdom, be humble, and be vigilant. They are a fine pentagon in themselves.

What do I make of my dream? Since I don’t know the initial part of my conversation with the psychic gentleman, I’m at somewhat of a disadvantage interpreting it. But in all honesty, I sometimes believe that the Unconscious gives us only part of the full story on purpose. Perhaps, in the earlier portion my dream that I don’t remember, I had mentioned my work on plotting and that it bore a relationship to the numbers five and twelve. Perhaps, he then referred me to James where these same numbers seem to play a roll. At one time, the pentagon was considered a divine symbol by Christians.

But the portion of the event that I was permitted to remember concerns his translation of the Bible and my recognition of that fact. I had recognized and appreciated both his learning and hard work. He came and set next to me. I had found a friend in psychic space.

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19 Dec 2010 Learning to Listen in Active Imagination

I open the Iris of Time. After about twenty minutes of staring into darkness, I’m finally seeing a little activity. The little light is back, and looking for all the world like a searchlight. It’s moving around, and then quite suddenly, it’s gone, leaving a blank field of view. Practically no movement now at all. Nothing. Is this the quiet before the storm?

Perhaps the act of typing has caused me to lose contact with my Unconscious. Actually, I believe what was causing the activity was that I was having an internal-dialogue argument with a man who I talked to on the phone a few years ago about my retirement from an engineering company I worked for many years ago. Of course once I started seeing movement in the Iris of Time, I shut off the internal dialogue. But when I shut off the internal dialogue, I shut off the movement. If my mind is a blank, I get little or nothing from the Unconscious. I have to actively be using my imagination which I was. And that’s why the process is a called Active Imagination. I must provide the seed from which the conversation grows. I must be active, proactive, it seems. Perhaps once I get into a conversation, I will get others to join in the conversation.

One other thing I’ve noticed. I have a lot of fantasies at night, both before I go to sleep and during my periods of insomnia, but I also fantasize when I wake in the morning. During these times, I talk to people, sometimes argue. When I’m anxious I argue a lot, but at other times, I carry on conversations or tell stories. In all of these, I’m looking for an emotional payoff. Sometimes I rewrite a script for a movie or a TV episode I’ve seen. I’m consciously in control of the storyline, generally, and I believe I do most of the talking. With Active Imagination, you go to listen and learn, a much different exercise. I don’t know that I’m a good listener in psychic space. I am generally a good listener in the real world because I’m introspective and a little shy. Maybe a whole lot shy. Perhaps I hold my tongue in the real world but try to express my opinions in psychic space. But this total control over my fantasies could be part of my problem with Active Imagination: I don’t know how to listen in psychic space because I generally use it to project myself. Frequently when I ask a question, I get a blank response from the psychic entity with whom I’m visiting. Perhaps listening in psychic space is a skill I need to develop. I’ll have to practice it, paying particular attention to giving the entity autonomy, and not guide the conversation, but let it develop along the lines directed by the other person. I’m beginning to believe this is a learned skill. The other half of this is that I’ll have to learn to keep my mouth shut. One has to let go of the ego, and that’s difficult for me with the years of practice forcing my will upon my fantasies. Jung says that fantasies are not Active Imagination, and I believe the crucial part is allowing autonomy to the psychic entities from the Unconscious that we encounter. Learn to listen.

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17 Dec 2010 Entering the Underworld

I have had an inspiration [Oh really?] concerning writing fiction using Active Imagination. I compare entering the Iris of Time to entering the Underworld. When Odysseus entered the Underworld to ask Teiresia how to get home, he sailed his ship without a helmsman to the land of skulls, and there he performed a ritual that involved cutting a gash in Mother Earth where he poured the blood of a sacrificial victim. The souls of the dead then came to drink of the blood, their mind cleared, and he could talk to them.

I also need to descend into that Underworld, or some sort of Underworld where I can talk to my characters. Active Imagination amounts to the ritual necessary to converse with the beings of the psyche. I preparation for this encounter by creating the sketal outline of a character that I can then hold in my mind when I enter the Iris of Time. Once inside I can conjure the spirit that is to posess that character.

I’m using this technique to summon characters for a novel set in ancient Greece, so I quite literally need to enter the Land of the Dead, perhaps the Elysian Fields, to greet them and to ask their participation. However, if my novel wasn’t set in ancient Greece, but set in modern times, I could still use the technique, although I don’t know that descending into the Underworld would be the metaphor for which I’d be looking. The novelsmith could simply devise another ritual similar to entering the Iris of Time to accomplish this. I believe it’s important to have a ritual of sorts to facilitate entering an Active Imagination session. It prepares the mind for access to the Unconscious.  If we are going to create a “fictional dream,” we must have access to the dream state when awake. This would seem to be adequate preparation.

Not only can we enter the Iris of Time to meet characters, but also to experience places. Places exist in the Iris of Time. I’ve witness some of them. Therefore, we can set our scenes there and call our actors to their places and set the scene in motion. We can bring sunshine, rain, foggy London, sunny Greece. This is the visualization process necessary for creating fiction. The difference that using the concept of Active Imagination provides is that it designates a psychic space for the novelsmith to go within himself to call on the psychic entities and places that occupy his story.

Of course all these places we enter and beings we meet are imaginary, but they are imaginary in the sense of Active Imagination. What goes along with this technique is a sense that these places and beings are “real.” But “real” in the sense of imagined realism. When Alice Walker talks of channeling voices for The Color Purple, we start to understand that writing fiction using Active Imagination deals with a separate reality, one with tremendous resources that we might compare to those of a major Hollywood film maker, where he pulls from a vast pool of actors who audition for parts and coreographers who create the scenes, and writers who provide the words for the actors to speak. The list goes on and one. The author has all this psychic space and the occupants and contents of it from which to pull the material for his novel. But is this really new? I would say that this is the way it has always been and will always be. What I’m providing you with is a method to approach this discipline in a more ordered fashion, and to provide the concepts that allow your waking mind to more easily access the Unconscious using the technique developed by Carl Jung.

Annie Dillard in her book The Writing Life talks about having a cabin where she goes to write, a place without distraction so she can channel her thoughts. Most of us don’t have the luxury of having a separate building that we can use for writing, but we can have an office or a bedroom to which we can escape, one where we can sit and engage our Unconscious using Active imagination.

So this gives me a new approach to writing the third volume of The Mysteries. I can go to that land in ancient times. I can enter the landscape and travel to Eleusis to visit my characters. I can go to Delphi and talk to Doulos, and the Pythia, as I have already. I can go to Ephesus to talk to Theanoë, Keladeine, and Myrrhine. I can talk to them about aspects of their lives and come to know them outside their story. I can even talk to Melaina who died at the end of Volume Two. My research then becomes the preparation that I hold in my mind when I enter the Iris of Time and call them to me, or enter their establishments, their homes. I can comfort them in their trying times, suffer their wrath over their predicaments. But they must realize that novelsmiths simply uncover their stories, and by uncovering them we allow them to share their lives with the world, to tell their story to the world.

The ancient alchemists performed their experiements, practiced their craft, not only in the search for the Elixir of Life and the Philosopher’s Stone, but also as a way to self-perfection. They believed that you could not achieve these goals without being of pure heart and soul. To achieve your goal of finding the Elixir of Life and attain the ability to change lead into gold, you had to first perfect yourself. So it is also that using Jung’s Active Imagination, you will also be headed toward individuation. This process has its differences from Jung’s use of Active Imagination as a thepeudic technique, but the result may well be the same. Writing may be therapy, or at least have therapeutic effects. But you must be careful with this technique becaue you could well uncover emotional problems with which you cannot cope on your own. You may have to seek professional help. But life is full of dangers, and we live it at our own risk.

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16 Dec 2010 The Bicycle Race

Last night I dreamed that I was at a big bicycle event. May have started out as a footrace, but ended up as a bicycle race. I was viewing it from the top of a tall building. Far below me, I could see the route marked out in red. They had spread red sand along the surface of the roads throughout the city. When the race started, I realized that the race was meant to be run among the automobiles of rushhour traffic, so that it was difficult for the bicyclists to avoid getting hit and running into the traffic. But the cyclists a had the courage to brave the traffic. They maneuvered and pushed on the cars to get between them. They got knocked over and would run headlong into some cars, but they’d get back up and start again.

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15 Dec 2010 Character Problem and Two Dreams

[The visitor to this blog should keep in mind that this is an experiment in using Jung’s Active Imagination to facilitate writing fiction. I’m learning with no one to teach me because, as far as I know, no one has ever written on this subject. So I’m developing a process. Also, I’ve been learning what Active Imagination means to me and getting used to contacting my Unconscious directly instead of using it intuitively as do all writers. It’s a hit-and-miss proposition, so bear with me.]

I open the Iris of Time and step out into darkness. I see nothing at first and only hear my stomach gurgling.

[I’m writing The Mysteries and having difficulty with a scene, so I go to Delphi in my imagination and enter the underground chamber where the scene occurs. The priest of Dionysus, Bakchidas, has evidently saved my protagonist, Doulos, from being ripped apart on a hillside, brought him underground, presented him with information about Dionysus, then left for a few minutes and has just reentered and brought the Pythia with him. She knows something of his coming to Delphi as a new born. This is part of the context, but to understand fully, you’ll have to read the full chapter once I’ve posted it online. In the narrative to follow, the ancient Greek name "Doulos" (Δουλος) means born bondman or slave.]

“Bakchidas believes you should leave Delphi. I don’t,” she tells Doulos.

“He isn’t safe here,” says Bakchidas.

Tell me what you saw, Doulos.

“I saw a face peering at me through the tree tops. At least I thought I did. It could have been clouds lit by lightning. I had stopped with the girl, and was staring into the eyes of a vision.”

“What girl? What are you talking about?”

“The Thyias. I was copulating with her. She came to me and presented herself. They all did.”

“He took the position of Dionysus in the orgy,” said Bakchidas. “They wanted him. The Thyiades all wanted him.”

The Pythia looked away from Doulos, swallowed deeply, took a breath, and started again. “I’m not worried about about the vision. You had many such visions as a child. But this new admonition, this… this transgression of privileges meant only for a god… What possessed you to copulate with the Thyiades?”

“But I didn’t mean to. I only had a taste of wine. I saw two of everything. Two temples, two Delphis, two moons. I cared not for Apollo’s over subtle wits, and craved the madness of the Thyiades. Some strange possession came over me.”

“This must not be,” said the Pythia.

“I’ve offended Apollo. Did he send the Titan’s to dismember me? What am I to do?”

“What to do with you? This is not something for a mortal to decide. First a god in the tree tops, and now this. Copulating with the Thyiades as if you’re Dionysus? Oh, Doulos. Oh, no, no, no, Doulos. Copulation with the Thyiades is forbidden.”

Doulos hung his head.

“We’ll let the god himself decide,” said the Pythia.

The next morning, rumors spread. Doulos heard whispering and felt the eyes of all turn toward him. Will it be the priest of Apollo to decide my fate? he wondered. Will they cast me out, perhaps put me to death?

I close the Iris of Time.

[I have edited the above from what actually came out of my notebook during the night with all lights out. What I was looking for was the Pythia’s reaction to the events concerning Doulos. She reacted unexpectedly because I initially thought she’d see Doulos copulating with the Thyiades and humerous, but she thought it was a serious transgression and possibly fatal to Doulos.]

————–

Later this morning: I remember two dreams from last night. In the first, I was waiting in an airline terminal. Don’t know where I was going, but I had put my two bags against a wall and left them. Actually, I had forgotten them, and when I returned, one was missing, and the other appeared to be empty. The one missing had my clothes in it, and the one that was still there had my computer in it, but it seemed light, and I was sure its contents were missing. I unzipped it, and sure enough, my notebook computer was missing. I tried to call someone I was traveling with, but I woke before I they answered.

In the second dream, my family and I were getting ready for a road trip. Seems at first like we might have been inside the house packing boxes, but then we were outside putting our stuff in the car, maybe a couple of women, one child and my son. My son and I were working together loading. Then we noticed my other car. I believe it was the convertible roadster that I dream about the previous night. Red with a tan canvas top. We took the top off because we’d taken it apart to repair something and had to reassemble it, but we knew it would take only take a few minutes. I picked up a device with a long rod sticking out of it, put it in the driver’s side and ran the rod along the door and down to the floorboard. My son told me to put it through the hole in the firewall down next to the floorboard, but I already knew were I was going with it. I inserted the tip and pushed the mechanism forward and then went around to the front of the car. My son pushed it forward so that the slotted end fit into a protruding mechanism. I asked him for a crescent, but he said we had none, so I asked him for the pliers, which he handed to me. Then I went to tightening the bold that would hold the mechanism fast. The bolt kept slipping but I was making progress when I unexpectedly woke.

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14 Dec 2010 The Skater

Last night I had a dream that I almost didn’t report. But it’s been bugging me all morning, so I thought I should document what I can remember of it.

I was attending some events, seems almost to be located at an automobile dealership, with several other people. We were looking at a new automobile of unusual design. It was a small roadster with seats of hard plastic imbedded in fabric. Really difficult to describe. A little later, a man stepped forward to skate about on a polished tile floor, all the while talking to the crowd over some sort of wireless public address system. He skated on his feet for a while, but then flipped over and skated on his head. I’m not sure if he had wheels on his head, or if he just slipped along the surface, but it was really strange to see him skating on his head. All the while he was continuing to talk to the crowd about what he was doing. I can’t remember his subject. My older brother showed up, and everyone went to say hello, including the skater.

And then my dream ended.

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13 Dec 2010 The Grim Reaper and a Dream

03:30 am. I open the Iris of Time, step into the entryway and peer into darkness. It seems unusually light this evening. I see patterns or perhaps a collage of pale shapes. A little sweeping movement now and then, but nothing I would call an image. I’ve not caught on to how to see an image yet tonight.

I had a rather disturbing moment this evening. After watching a movie on TV, I envisioned that my time was up here on planet Earth and that I was out on a dirt lane talking to my son as we talked together for the last time. It was horribly sad. I was grief stricken and could have fallen into a fit of grief if I’d let myself. I didn’t have the courage. I backed out of it. But it set me to wondering if I am actually close to death. I’m sixty-nine.

Just a few days ago, I performed a Google search, and I learned that my psychiatrist, the one I had for four and one half years (until August 1992), my only psychiatrist, passed away back in January 2010. I’ve been wondering how he died, but then this afternoon, I received an email from his daughter in response to an email I had sent to her a couple of days ago, and she told me that he’d died of colon cancer. He was only seventy-three. His passing came as a surprise, although I had searched the internet for news of him specifically because I wondered if he’d died, sort of a premonition. I’ve experience so many deaths in such a short time. I lost an aunt who was really close to me last Christmas, then learned of the death of Renate Wood, who’d mentored my writing, this past spring. I lost my mother in October, and now the death of my psychiatrist, who’d at one time been a second father to me.

The reason I opened the Iris of Time tonight was to see if my Unconscious has anything to tell me. So I wait…

While doing Active Imagination, I feel that whatever I have in my mind, whatever I hold in my thoughts is a shout into the darkness for someone. I’m looking for a friend to come to me and tell me the situation. I hear the Pythia call my name, then silence. Eyes with a wrinkled brow, like one of the dwarfs from Snow White.

I hear a voice: “I want to hear from you. Tell me your name.”

“David.”

Someone dark, in a cape walks by in front of me. I can’t see his face.

“Are you coming for me?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says. He’s now shrouded in darkness.

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“I thought you were ready. I heard you call.”

“Not for quite a while. I’ve just encountered death so much lately that I feel close to you. But I’m not ready. I have so much to do.”

“Come to me when you’re ready. I’ll be here when you need me.”

“That seems a comfort, something I’d not expected. Seems I’ve made a friend of Death. I do hope you’ll let me choose the time.”

“Well said. I’ll leave you now. It’s not good for me to linger with those who chose to stay.”

And I see the shadowy, cloaked figure walk off into darkness.

I close the Iris of Time and fall asleep.

07:00 am. I just had another war dream. Don’t remember all of it, but I was with a small group of soldiers, possibly a militia because we were not in uniform. We were in a residential area, and I was carrying a rifle. We entered a house where we were all staying, and I stood my rifle up against the wall in a corner. A little later, I went to retrieve it, and it was gone. It also seemed that the house was then full of the enemy. Yet, they tolerated me being there. I went to a young woman who seemed to be running the place, and asked her about my rifle. When left for a minute and returned with what she thought was my rifle, but when I examined it, I could easily tell that that wasn’t it. She didn’t know what to think and wasn’t very interested in helping beyond what she’d already done.

And then I woke.

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12 Dec 2010 War – Acting – An Ancient Tree

02:00 am. Yesterday, I finally got my MacBook Air back from Apple after it being repaired. Now I can do active imagination my way. I turn off the keyboard light and the backlight for the screen. I write blind, in total darkness. Nothing else seems to work as well.

Tonight I had a war dream, something I’ve not had in quite a while, perhaps a couple of years. I was in Europe with the troops, perhaps one of them myself. We kept looking off in the distance where we saw flashes of light and heard the explosions of a battle taking place. Then all became quiet, and we wondered what had happened. Gradually, the troops started to walk back toward us, which caused us to think that the battle might be over, but then the troops began to walk faster, and it became apparent that we were retreating. We were being pursued. It was not a panic, but we were in a hurry.

I started to wake, and my own conscious influence seemed to start playing a role in what was happening. Anyway, some airplanes started swooping down and picking us up individually, as would a large bird. We were being evacuated. Each of us was encapsulated in a pod beneath the plane where we were fed and provided with air to breathe.

And then I woke. I remember hearing that we hadn’t lost the battle but still had to regroup. Yet, we ere concerned that we might be shot at.

05:30 am. I just woke from another dream. I was one of many kids that were at a graduation, only it wasn’t like most. Perhaps it was a festival of some sort. I was supposed to be in a theatrical performance, but I hadn’t memorized my lines. Our teacher gave me some pages for a piece called “White Cloud”. It was out of Shakespeare. [Can’t find any such work by Shakespeare.] I’d read it over a couple of times, but I’d planned to skip the whole event, and now here I was participating but unprepared. Everyone was putting on costumes and scrambling to go onstage. Our teacher was passing out socks, but mine had holes, so she tried to find some more for me. I was actually excited about reading my part, which come before the play and was a couple of pages, but I needed to practice. But then I woke.

While I was a complete and total idiot in high school and never would have participated in something like this, many years later, decades later, I became a member of the Rocky Mountain Writers Guild and participated in a couple of their workshops. I was a member of the Live Poet’s Society and had to read my poetry before the group at least once a month. Perhaps it was every two weeks? I enjoyed this immensely. Perhaps this is what I’m missing.

In the previous Active Imagination session where I was aboard a staging rocket, perhaps where I was the rocket, I was advised to leave my past lives behind and move on, at least as I interpret it. Jung says that dreams are sent to point the way toward healing.

I had a dream before the one I just related. Sitting here at my computer this afternoon, I remembered it.

It’s dark, but not completely dark. I’m out back of a house that resembles one we lived at when I was a kid. Inside is a workroom of some sort with a workbench off to one side and screened windows opposite. A screen door leads out back where an old tree stands. The tree is gnarled and has a magical quality. We do interesting things with its limbs. One of them is to entangle string within them. It all has a purpose that goes beyond string and limbs. Something important happens out there in the dark, but I’m not sure what.

I recovered this dream while reading what I had written about the war dream I had last night.

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01 Dec 2010 Prince or King?

I had a dream early this morning in which I, along with a friend of mine, had an audience with an Oriental prince or perhaps a king. The prince was young, thirty-five or so, and Arabian or perhaps Persian. We were at his palace in a room off the main foyer, and as we got up to leave, the prince stopped me. He was holding a folder containing some scraps of my writing. He asked if he could borrow it for a while. “I’m interested in seeing how you work,” he said. He was tall, thin, dark complexioned, handsome. He wore a royal robe of reds and golds, a cap or crown of some sort.

I woke at that point and lay in bed trying to understand what the dream was all about. Of course, the big question concerns the presence of a royal figure, and I’ll have to research that. The more answerable question concerns the companion I was with. He had taken me to the prince. He was a shadowy figure, who stayed on the periphery. Since he had taken me there, from the world of common men into the world of kings, I wonder if he was a Hermes-like character, the ancient Greek god who accompanies travelers and escorts them between worlds?

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28 Nov 2010 Active Imagination’s Three Requirements

My main purpose for exploring Active Imagination is to develop it as a technique for use with writing fiction. I’ve found that I have to satisfy the following three requirements to have a successful Active Imagination session.

  1. You should have a purpose for conducting a session. You can go in openminded and intending to just look around at the psychic space, but I’m not sure how beneficial it will be. I’ve had mixed result with this method. However, I have also had some of my most astoundingly vivid images jump out at me. Using dreams as a starting point can be helpful, particularly if you’ve just awakened from one.
  2. You must actively look for images and listen for voices. You can’t just close your eyes and start seeing and hearing things. It takes effort, like hunting for Easter eggs. You must learn to see without your eyes and hear without your ears. After all, it is called Active Imagination.
  3. You must accept whatever comes. But more than that, you must prevent yourself from invalidating what you see or hear. You also must differentiate what constitutes a voice emanating from within your Unconscious from your own ego’s internal dialogue. This can be tricky.

Remember that suppressing Unconscious content is your normal mode. Images will probably not stay long. You will probably suppress them as soon as they appear because they will startle your Consciousness. Consciousness has a natural fear of material from the Unconscious. If you start with an event, person or place from a fictional work, Consciousness will be more apt to accept it and not shy away from surprising images and voices.

“Accept whatever comes,” doesn’t mean you have to accept what it represents. You can argue and not believe. You can also refuse to engage. However, treat every one and every thing with respect, but don’t necessarily explore its agenda. Remember that you are writing fiction and not everything that shows up from your Collective Unconscious is worthy of being inflicted upon the outside world. Just don’t be dismissive. Be respectful but firm. Everything you do decide to explore must still be evaluated for ethical content before you decide to use it in your writing. That doesn’t mean that bad things can’t happen or that mean people can’t occupy your novel. They can and should. Just remember that the ethical content is controlled by your Premise and the way you present your narrative to the world. Know what you are doing. Maintain control of your moral perspective through your craft. You may very well encounter great evil in your Collective Unconscious.

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27 Nov 2010 Primordial Time and Zoë within Active Imagination

A couple of things about Active Imagination. First concerns definition, specific features, of beings viewed within Active Imagination. The second concerns time and its relationship to Active Imagination. Let’s take the second first.

From my experience so far, it sems that events within an Active Imagination session occur in a proto- or pseudo-primordial or even primeval time. Essentially they are a mythology. [Kerenyi, The Heroes of the Greeks, page 1-2.] I become increasingly pleased with this concept of the Iris of Time within which I conduct my Active Imagination sessions, because it is a constant reminder that in dealing with my Unconscious, I enter a strange, alien world. Time as we know and experience it does not exist there. The events I experience while within the Iris are always, permanently inside that psychic space. I can return and re-experience them. In doing so, I learn more about the event. It continues to unfold, and by that I mean that it gains depth and not necessarily length. It also may shift some. Events within the Unconscious are changlings. I believe that is because they are always translated into real-world “language,” so that we can understand them, but also because I am always seeing only the surface of an event that is much more complex and multi-dimensional. Also, Unconscious psychic content seems to collect around an image, like pollen on a honeybee. I’m increasingly convinced that beings and events are “created” in the Unconscious from psychic content and formed in such a way that it can be interpreted by Consciousness and maintain its relevance to our existence.

Now back to the first item I wanted to discuss: features of beings. These beings within an Active Imagination session seem to be alive and active although when I try to see them clearly, to see details, my vision always seems blurred. The ancient Greeks had two words for “life” whereas we only have one. [See Kerenyi, Religion of the Greeks and Romans, page 13, and more expansively in Dionysos, Archetypical Image of Indestructible Life, pages xxxi-xxxvii.] The first is “zoë,” which is eternal but undifferentiated. Zoë has always existed and always will. But zoë is featureless. It does have some definition within its Collective Unconscious configuration, but that is minimal. This could well correspond to what we ordinarily refer to as the “soul.” Zoë exists outside time, although events concerning it are linear and seemingly time ordered.

The ancient Greeks’ other word for “life” was “bios.” Bios is life as we know it, a well-defined, differentiated existence with arms and legs, eyes, mouths, etc. Bios exists within time andis limited. We are born, grow to adulthood, age and die. From “bios,” we derive our word “biography.” The Greeks believed that we have many bios, which they viewed as reincarnations. Bios are strung along our zoë like pearls along a necklace.

I believe that the reason for my blurred vision during my Active Imagination session when trying to distinguish the features of a being is because I am witnessing zoë and not bios. I believe zoë is the most basic nature of beings within the Collective Unconscious.

I’ll explore this subject further as I gain experience and confidence with Active Imagination.

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25 Nov 2010 The Mandala

Tonight I woke in the middle of the night and saw that the Iris of Time had quite a lot of activity. I watched the moving shapes of light but could recognize no distinguishable images. Then a rather large blotch of light, like those which sometimes come from an enlargement of the little white light, appeard. It maintained its size but started to develop definition within its circular shape. It appeared to be trying to take on geometric dimensions.

I thought that it could possibly be a mandala. I tried to count its sides, but then I started trying to influence its shape because I wanted it to be a pentagon. I’ve been playing around with the idea that story geometry can be represented as a pentagon with the five corners being plot points. Some mandala’s are pentagons, although they are in the minority. The ancient Greeks believed that the pentagon was a divine symbol, the Pythagoreans adopting it as the secret symbol of their society.

The preference of mine becomes worrisome to me when I start trying to influence the images that come to me rather than letting them have their own autonomy. I then don’t know if I’ve corrupted the image with my preconceived preference or if my foreknowledge has only provided me with a means of interpreting the symbol. Perhaps I was even engaging my Unconscious in a negotiation of what version of the symbol I wanted it to show me, as if selecting from among the many books on the shelf concerning the subject.

This persepective seems unusually satisfying to me because it validates both my real-world processes and those of the Unconscious as well. Perhaps this is the dialogue between my Consciousness and the Unconscious so crucial to building Jung’s Transcendental Function. Also, this perspective came to me as a bit of inspiration while writing this, so that the insight is not “mine” but from my Unconscious, another assurance that I am on the right track. In the future when I see images, I will actively engage the image in negotiating what I see, but I will not force the images to be what I wish them to be. I will allow their autonomy. Tricky, but workable.

This new manifestation of the little white light, which has appeared during most of my Active Imagination session, is a breakthrough. I’ve often wondered why it kept appearing when its presence seemed meaningless after it demonstrated the formation of the yin-yang symbol in an early session.

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22 Nov 2010 MidLife Issues: A Dream and Active Imagination

Early this morning I woke from a dream. I was again back in engineering. Our company had just conducted a test, which failed, and engineers from NASA were there to find out why. My boss was briefing NASA on the failure. He was doing so in the front of a large room where he was going to write on a blackboard. (Yes, stone age stuff.) He asked me to document his presentation by writing it out longhand as he gave it. This I was doing when the briefing ended. He came over to me afterward, dejected, and took a look at what I had written. It seems I had only recently, within the last few days, joined the company, and I wasn’t to blame for the failure, but he was deeply involved. I asked him how much money the failure had cost, and he showed me the figures: somewhere between three and five million dollars. I showed him the papers, a yellow legal tablet, where I’d carefully written out his briefing. I wasn’t through yet, but he said not to bother. He had some notes for the rest that would suffice.

And then I woke.

I was upset that I’d had another dream about being back in engineering. They just keep coming. I decided to have an Active Imagination session on this subject, and just as I opened the Iris of Time, I heard a voice say, “You have to let go.” As with most things that occur in the early states of Active Imagination, I didn’t think much of it, just a random thought popping into my head, but then I realized that it might be a response to my inquiry. I looked for an image associated with it and saw something before me that at first looked as though it might be a tunnel but then saw that it was an object moving away from me. As it fell away, I saw that it was cylindrical and that it was falling back to Earth. I could see clouds, land and blue ocean far below. I was in space on a rocket, and the object that had fallen away was the first stage that had expended its fuel, separated, and was falling back to Earth.

I immediately considered the metaphors in this dream, and they started to bear fruit. Lately, we’ve been cleaning out our garage to make room so that someday, just maybe, we can get a car or two inside once again. I’ve been going through a lot of old boxes containing engineering files and throwing away what I can bear to part with. Not an easy thing to do. I immediately realized that the spent rocket stage in this dream represented the first half of my life, before midlife, and that I was on the second stage living the second half of my life. The spent stage, though now just dead weight, was still attached and holding me back from charging ahead into the future. Evidently, I had just let go of it in the Active Imagination session and as a result of the order directed at my by the voice. This will also give me incentive to focus more on the future and less on the past. I’ll also have to consider this when I encounter the disposal of items in the garage.

This has been a major issue with me for decades. Maybe I’m finally making a little progress thanks to Active Imagination.

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21 Nov 2010 Images – Dreams – Decisions

This morning I woke early, but my MacBook Air has a bad hinge, and I couldn’t use it realtime to type out my session. Perhaps it wasn’t a session at all because I didn’t talk to anyone. But I did see images, and that was my primary goal. And the strange thing is that images came so easily that I could sort of thumb through them like I was looking through a photo album. It started off in the desert where I was either traveling slowly by car or perhaps I was on foot. I could see the desert floor before me cover with cactus and mesquite bushes. In the near distance a huge mountain reared up, very rocky. I was obviously somewhere in the Southwest, perhaps New Mexico where I lived for so many years, although Phoenix, where I also have lived, also comes to ming. The second image was of Ireland. Again I was traveling along a country road looking at the green fields with cows grazing, the undulating landscape dotted with white homes with tile roofs and all connected by shrub-lined lanes. I spent a week traveling Ireland in 1989, so I recognized the countryside immediately.

Following these two scenes I moved on to a series of images, or scenes really. They were not static but dynamic with people moving about. A couple of them were street scenes, much like the one I witnessed a few weeks ago. They were not quite as vividly real but still quite impressive.

Following these images, I went back to sleep and dreamed of a dog I was chasing. It was injured somehow, and I want to help it. It ran into a building, and I went in after it. The building was crowded with people, and the dog ran past them, down the stairs a few floors to the basement. I found him down there, but he was hurt and afraid of me. I finally cornered him, and he quietened down, so that I could see what was wrong with him. He had gotten into some kind of contraption and had a pliers-like device attached to his mouth and a chain wrapped around it. He let me reach for the pliers, I squeezed them, and they came off. I could then unwrap the chain. He was okay then. Didn’t seem to be injured at all. I look at his collar, found a tag with his owner’s name and telephone number and started to call them. But my iPhone seemed to be in some strange mode, and I could find the phone app. Someone else was with me then, a little boy who started trying to help. And then I woke.

Since I got out of bed this morning, I’ve been thinking that it’s time to move on to a new phase with Active Imagination. I’m doing this to investigate how it might be of benefit to novelsmiths. So perhaps the time has come to start putting Active Imagination into practice. I’ve decided to start writing the third volume of The Mysteries, A Novel of Ancient Eleusis using Active Imagination. The Mysteries is a trilogy, and the first two volumes are already written, published, and available on Amazon as well as Smashwords, the iPad, iPhone, etc. I’ve been working on the third volume, titled The Twice-Born, for some time but haven’t done much on it lately. I have an outline and the rough drafts of a couple of chapters. I’m going to put all this material on the blog I’ve used for The Mysteries and will write The Twice-Born online using the technique developed and documented in my book Novelsmithing, The Structural Foundation of Plot, Character, and Narration. It’s available online free.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’ve decided to consult the Pythia, the personage I met during my Active Imagination sessions, for advice concerning the overall book. After all, it is set in ancient Greece. I’ll also have Active Imagination session with my characters. This is as much as I currently know about the process I’ll use going in. Certainly it’ll develop over time. As this technique develops, I’ll document it more formally on another of my blogs titled Jungian Novelsmithing. It’s located here: http://jungiannovelsmithing.com. So here are the blogs involved in this project:

  • http://MysteriesBlog.com – Blog devoted to the development of The Twice-Born, the third volume of The Mysteries.
  • http://IrisOfTime.com – Active Imagination sessions dedicated to the development of The Twice-Born, although other Active Imagination session, which may not be related to the novel, will be reported here too.
  • http://NovelsmithingBlog.com – Static blog contain all of my book Novelsmithing, The Structural Foundation of Plot, Character, and Narration.
  • http://JungianNovelsmithing.com – Blog documenting the development of a new book on novel writing titled Jungian Novelsmithing, With Dream Analysis and Active Imagination
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08 Nov 2010 Ramblings on the Nature of Consciousness

[The first part of this post was written during the evening just before sleep, typing with the lights out. I cleaned it up during the next few days, and provided the exact quotes from the sources.]

A few days ago, I was reading a book titled Turtle Island when close to the end of a chapter I came across the author’s description of the eye’s rods and cones that provide vision. The cones give us daylight vision and rods provide night vision. Rods operate in very low light situations. At the end of the chapter the author (Sergio Ghione, a medical doctor) says the following about night vision, which he experienced on Ascension Island hunting for turtles on the beach at night:

‘Rod vision’ is something quite unique, especially if prolonged for several hours, as happened to us: a different way of seeing – and of living in – the world, and it is difficult to find words to describe it, so distant is it now from our common collective experience. Being plunged into an unreal world devoid of depths and colours. Enveloped into a world that is not grey (grey is a colour), but milky-white, composed of chiaroscuro, shadows, unsubstantial forms, and shapes with evanescent outlines, which seem to dissolve if you stare at them and which reappear the minute you look briefly away from them. This too can be explained by physiology. That darker outline which I seem to glimpse, is it an illusion, or is it the outline of the rocks at the end of the bay? And the other, slightly lighter shape, which I seem to make out against the dark backdrop of the volcanoes, is it that dump of material halfway along the beach or is it an illusion?

Ghosts, ogres, vampires, specters, elves and countless other presences that popular legends and literature have filled the night with have their origin in ’rod vision’. [page 100]

Of course, all this has nothing to do with Active Imagination, at least the way I’ve been doing it. I do it in the dark with my eyes closed. (Yes, sounds sexy, doesn’t it?) Neither rods nor cones receive any light, so the rods and cones can’t see anything because I’m not seeing any light at all. Something I’ve not mentioned, I also put a sleep-mask over my eyes to ensure no light gets through. So why would it appear to me that I do see objects and strange beings with my eyes during Active Imagination? A very interesting question and in all probability it goes to the nature of what we “see” while in the dream state.  Jung calls it dreaming while awake, but as we all know, there is a significant difference, and it’s not just that we have more control if we dream while awake. It’s not really dreaming.

Regardless of all this, something has to “see” an image. All this rods-and-cones stuff has nothing to do with an image appearing within consciousness. What is it that sees when we have our eyes closed? What is it that sees while we are dreaming? And are those mechanisms different? We could say that it is our imagination, but what is our imagination? I’m not sure that modern science has an answer for any of this. When it comes right down to it, consciousness, awareness, doesn’t make sense to science, and scientists keep fumbling their way toward finding an explanation. Thank goodness we don’t have to understand what’s happening on a scientific level to have awareness.

The biologist Bruce Lipton, PhD believes (The Biology of Belief) he has an answer for all this. He says [pp. 192-4] that our consciousness is elsewhere, and we are like a robot on Mars being controlled and direct by an engineer, the center of the robot’s awareness, here on Earth. If an engineer were put in an isolation chamber so that he could see and hear nothing, and then provided real-time streaming video and sound of the robots activities on Mars, along with possibly other sensory mechanisms that would allow him to feel and smell what the robot on Mars encountered, he would have a real sense that he was there. He might even shutdown the robot for an eight-hour period wherein he would perform the maintenance demanded by his own person requirements. The robot would know nothing of his Earth activities because its onboard computer, it’s brain, would be put to sleep. Robots might wear out frequently and be discarded, but the engineer back on earth could activate another robot in storage on Mars, and he would have a new life, a reincarnation. The engineer might even come to believe that his robot’s life on Mars was his real life and not even realize that he had his own existence back on here Earth. He would, however, have these strange dreams when the robot was shutdown and remember portions of them when the robot woke. This even starts to sound a lot like The Matrix.

Lipton’s explanation of what he calls the “subconscious” is less interesting. He views the subconscious as a set of “tapes,” recordings of events and behavior patters accumulated during childhood that provide canned responses to situations. Although I can see the value in this concept, I find it much more limiting than my experience would demand of a theory of the subconscious. I gravitated to the theories of Carl Jung, not by reading and adopting an intellectually pleasing approach, but because they provided an explanation that matched my own experience. Jungian psychology came as a revelation.

And then we come to the theories of Rodolfo R. Llinas, a professor of neuroscience, who wrote a book titled I of the Vortex, From Neurons to Self. He tells us of a theory:

…that nervous system function may actually operate on its own, intrinsically, and that sensory input modulates rather than informs this intrinsic system… [page 7]

He view the mind as continuously dreaming, experiencing an internal world all its own when not receiving sensory input. We sense this imagined world when we dream. However, when the brain receives sensory input, that input modulates brain function so that we hookup with and imagine the real world. Llinas’ imagined, internal world does not has the sophistication of that imagined by Jung, with its autonomous psychic entities. But I like Llinas’ concept a lot, and using Lipton’s robot concept along with Jung’s Collective Unconscious, I have what is for me a very satisfying explanation of what is going on within the human psyche.

[The following part of the post occurred during the night after waking at the time indicated.]

04:00. I open the Iris of Time and stare off into darkness. Again, the first thing I see and it’s almost immediate, is the little white light. It’s very active tonight, spinning around in circles, glowing then bursting in a flash only disappearing and then to reappear as a small intense light just to the right of center. Again it moves about, twirls, and most of the time, but not always, it’s accompanied by that dark element attached to it. It’s as if one is made from the other, the darkness created by the removal of the light, from the condensation of the light. Generally the dark is pitch black and the light is very bright. They swirl and then the light explodes so that I can no longer see the dark. Then they are both gone, and I’m left with nothing. The light reappears. I concentrate on it very hard, as Murray Stein suggests. It is the only movement in the Iris. He says the motion should lead to something, someone, but it doesn’t. The little light just disappears to leave nothing. I don’t believe it has ever led me to anything. The really remarkable thing was that the first time I saw it, it started spinning and became the yin-yang symbol. Everything since has seemed meaningless. Is it trying to tell me something that I can’t understand?

Jung says to consider a problem and hold it in your mind when you start Active Imagination. These are not very specific instructions, but then Jung says that everyone gets into Active Imagination differently. Whatever that means. I find the instructions to be totally insufficient. I’ve never had anyone come to me because I was holding a problem in my mind. Even in times of duress, I’ve not found help in Active Imagination. I cannot hold onto the images I see in Active Imagination, except of course for the little white light accompanied by its darkness. Every other vivid image evaporates. I’m left with a pale thought of an image. Is this what they are talking about? Just the thought of an image?

Johnson says that everything you make up comes from the unconscious and is, therefore, valid Active Imagination. I just have difficulty believing that. I have found something beyond that. However, it’s not predictable, it’s not stable, and it can’t be held within consciousness very long. I guess I’m a little irritated with the whole process. What’s so frustrating is that I sense a lot going on within my Unconscious, but either I can’t get access to it, or I’m about to be flooded. Plus the things that are the most interesting are here one second and gone the next.

The one thing I have developed is this process of typing in the dark while conducting Active Imagination. The absolute dark helps focus my thoughts and cuts down on distractions so that my thoughts go deeper. If people can write with one hand for one voice and use the other hand for the other half of the conversation, I can type. My process is faster and more immediate than theirs.

All the time I’ve been typing these last few paragraphs, the Iris has been totally dark and blank. Absolutely nothing going on. Even the little light is nowhere to be found. Where are those angry voices and flashing scary images from a few nights ago? I had to supress them then, but I can’t resurrect any of them now. I just saw this huge man, or perhaps even a statue lean into my field of view. He was face down. He was perhaps ten times larger than a man. He was all gray and ruff like a statue, but I had the impression that he was alive. I believe he said something. He had on a cylindrical cap, short, not very tall, like India’s Nehru.

I get sleepy and close the Iris of Time.

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06 Nov 2010 New Problems – More Questions

I’ve had another family interruption that makes it difficult to engage myself in Active Imagination. Of course, you should keep in mind that I do this not for therapeutic reasons but to investigate how Active Imagination might benefit authors of fiction. But I still find it interesting that at times I see Active Imagination as an unwelcome disruption in my life. First of all, let me explain what happened last night, although rather circuitously.

I’m not an overly religious person. I always give the copout answer when asked if I believe in God: I’m spiritual but not religious. That isn’t to say that I’m above saying a prayer now and then. I believe I’ve given a good description of my faith and lack of it in my chapter on Patmos in Oedipus on a Pale Horse. I’m a bundle of contradictions. And that really doesn’t bother me. Consistency in life’s beliefs and understanding is overvalued, I believe.

Two nights ago, I said a couple of prayers, but before I did, I opened the Iris of Time. I prayed from within that psychic space wherein a generally conduct my Active Imagination sessions. I don’t want to overdramatize what happened, but I felt that I was actually communicating with someone, much more so than I generally do. The experience of prayer seemed more satisfying than usual. I felt as though I got through to someone. Active Imagination has changed me, is changing me.

Then last night, I came to bed planning on practicing a little Active Imagination, but as soon as I turned out the lights, I realized that I better not do that. Just the act of listening for my Unconscious activated both images and sound. I could hear voices and see shapes all over the Iris, and they were not happy campers. I could tell that it would be easy for my Consciousness to be flooded and overcome with content from my Unconscious. I don’t know whether what I was witnessing was from my Shadow or the Collective Unconscious, but I wasn’t willing to find out. If I had to guess, I’d say it was the Collective Unconscious because some of the beings I glimpsed seemed to be non-human. I was in danger of experiencing of repeating some experiences that I’ve had in the past, again as I’ve described in several places in Oedipus on a Pale Horse. I can relate to what Jung said happened to him, but I’m just not willing to go there, not under these circumstances. Jung indicates that for the therapeutic process, Active Imagination should come at the end of analysis and taught as a technique so that the therapy can continue in the future without the continued support of a therapist. When I run up against something like I experienced last night, I shut it off in a hurry. Which is to say that I can shut it off, at least for now. I realize that I could end up in a situation where I couldn’t shut it off, and then I would have to seek professional help. Something I wish to avoid. So here I am one minute complaining about not being able to get into Active Imagination and the next running for cover from fear of being overrun by content from the Unconscious.

We don’t ordinarily anticipate seeing things with our eyes closed, but that is precisely the process called for in Active Imagination. I’m just beginning to realize how significant a statement that is. Two times I’ve seen thing things that were so vivid that I thought I must have my eyes open, but I didn’t These were static images that I could look at for an extended period of time. But a few nights ago when I saw the street scene when I was trying to get back into a dream, the images were alive. The street scene was so vivid that I was actually there. I was somewhere. I was there but still couldn’t communicate with the people on the street.  In that way, it wasn’t like a dream because in dreams we interact with other people. But the street scene was more vivid than a dream and more detailed, more impressive, much more real-world. That experience makes all my other Active Imagination experiences pale in comparison. What I have experienced during Active Imagination is so rich and varied that it keeps me confused as to what is Active Imagination and what is not. I’m beginning to believe we haven’t had the complete Active Imagination experience described to us. I’ve only been doing Active Imagination for six months and then only off and on. Doing this for years, selecting the experiences I wish to pursue, now that’s going to be interesting.

I’ve wondered what would have happened if I’d called Dram, the Unicorn, to me last night when I sensed all the hostile active in the Iris of Time. If I had called Dram, could she have protected me and permitted me to experience what ever it was that was trying to come through? Was she there all along and would have protected me? Would her presence have led to a violent and destructive encounter? Something that Jung warns against. Could I have restrained her, but still used her to defend myself? Could I then have tamed the daemons from my Unconscious? But somehow, the experience I had with Dram seems to belong to an isolated set of experiences and not germane to this level of involvement. A rather startling realization, actually.

The only reason for experiencing the presence of those demons would have been for gaining wisdom. What could II have learned from them? And are these demons part of the war against wisdom? In addition to seeing these demons, flashes of them, I could also hear them moving about. It seems that either I have too little coming across from the Unconscious or I’m about to get flooded. Precious little in between.

I must remember that I’m doing Active Imagination to see how it might be used to write fiction. That isn’t to say that our characters reside in the Unconscious. However, I do believe that our characters bear a relation to the Unconscious, both personal and Collective. I believe that psychic forces within our Unconscious have a heavy impact on our characters. I also believe that the stories, our stories, our plots, bear a similar resemblance to stories from the Unconscious. And that brings up another question: Do we not only see images within the Unconscious? But also hear stories? Do the stories develop within the Unconscious, or have the stories already happened and someone relates the stories to us? When we tell a story, do we make it up from our ego, from ego related material and then inject it into the Unconscious? Do we do psychic damage to the Unconscious, our Unconscious, Personal or Collective, if we create a violent, abusive story? Do we damage not only to the real world but also the psychic world? An interesting but perhaps unanswerable question.

Posted in 06 Nov 2010 New Problems - More Questions, November 2010 | Comments Off  

31 Oct 2010 Cross-Dressing

[Update: Last night after each dream, I tried to reenter the dream to duplicate the vivid imagery of the previous night. But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't get back into the dream nor could I see any more images. Seeing vivid images is such a haphazard process that I don't know if I'll ever be able to control it, make it happen and stay with it for an extended period of time. If I could, now that would be amazing. But I've been at this only a short period of time. Who knows where I'll be several years from now.]

I know what you’re thinking, and it’s just not true. I am not an Eddie Izzard wantabe.

I had another strange dream last night, or actually early this morning. I was at an open mall, perhaps the Pearl Street Mall in Boulder, Colorado where I lived for fifteen years, and I was shopping. I bought three dresses, and yes, I bought them for myself. I remember buying one of them, a dark, long red dress with thick material that I liked very much. It was more like a robe, actually, very formal. One of the other two dress was more traditional. It was dark blue with a bodice and was also long. Would have covered my shoes. Men kept coming by and wanting to see them. They were oohing and aahing, as if they wanted one for themselves. I was a little embarrassed about the whole thing, but still proud of my dresses, particularly that red one. Cross-dressing is not my thing in the real world.

Earlier in the night, I’d had another dream. I was with a friend of mine, a man I’d known a long time. Could have been any one of several real-world friends. He’d done something and I was really mad at him. I believe he’d broken the law somehow. I told him to get the hell away from me. I said that if he did it again there’d be trouble between us. As he walked away, I said that there was already trouble between us. He didn’t say anything. We were in a crowd of people, and I was shouting. I didn’t care who heard me. Later on, I saw him again. He smiled but I ignored him. I was mad as hell. Have no idea what he’d done.

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30 Oct 2010 An Impostor and a Vivid Street Scene

I didn’t actually have an Active Imagination session last night, but I did have a couple of occurrences. The first was a dream about my mother who passed away on Oct 12, 2010. In the dream, I walked up to a table where several women were gathered, and on the far side of the table sat my mother, or at least so the other women said. I was so happy to see her and she me. I leaned over to give her a hug, but the closer I got, the more it became obvious that it wasn’t really her. I said to the woman, “I know you’re not my mother, but I’ll take the hug anyway.” The woman smiled broadly and hugged me. And that was that. A very memberable dream. You have to wonder why my Unconscious would want to play jokes on me. Those women thought that was really funny.

Later in the night, I woke again. This time I’d had another dream, and when I tried to remember it, I realized that something really important happened during it. So I tried to go back to sleep to recover the dream. Immediately, while still wide awake, I saw a street scene. It was night and pedestrians were everywhere with lots of street lights and light pouring out of business with people inside shopping. No automobiles. I walked into the scene and started trying to talk to people, but it seemed that although my eyes worked fine, I had no voice in that world. I couldn’t make myself heard. It seemed as though they communicated through a different means. Perhaps my unconscious has a different form of communication. The people didn’t try to avoid me. Some of them turned toward me, but it was as if they couldn’t hear me, as if they didn’t know I was trying to communicate with them. Of course, the other problem was that I didn’t know why I was there. I didn’t know what to say to them. Perhaps I should plan ahead so that if I encounter such a situation again, I can communicate with them.

The street scene was so vivid that I could have been walking down the street in Healdsburg. I’m not so sure it wasn’t Healdsburg, somewhere along the plaza. At any rate, the scene only lasted for a minute or so, and then I dropped off to sleep. Yes, I was very close to the sleep state when this occurred, but I was wide awake, which I agree is a paradox, but still, it’s true. Plus, I was not lucid dreaming. I’ve done that before, experimented with it for many years, and this was different. It’s the same phenomenon as when I see images during Active Imagination. At times, the images are so vivid that I think I have my eyes open, but I don’t.

So interesting.

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29 Oct 2010 Theos

07:00. I’ve just had an Active Imagination session, and for the first time, I’ve chosen to not make all of it public. Instead I will provide a summary of those portions of what I experienced that I believe are appropriate for public disclosure. I’ll not reveal what entity I encountered but will give him a name, Theos. We discussed some family matters, and then I mentioned my violent fantasies. Theos related my internal conflict to my encounters with the Unicorn and the Centaur. He told me that wisdom is ever at war with violence. The fact that I’m seeking wisdom makes me vulnerable. It is the nature, he said, of the world in which I live. I am a man of the world and not apart from it; therefore, the battle I fight with internal fantasies of violence is a necessary part of the internal search for wisdom. That is why they have both been a part of me.

Theos said that wisdom does not engage in violence but instead has aligned itself with the Unicorn, a fierce beast that carries its weapon and symbol of violence on its forehead, its own wisdom forged into a spear. The Unicorn has taken upon itself to protect the Centaur and to allow it to separate itself from exercising violence, which would destroy it from within. The acceptance of me by the Unicorn and the Centaur is also an indication of my nature. I have sided with wisdom, with the Centaur. But I have also shown a propensity for the role of the warrior, much as has the Unicorn. That’s why the Unicorn was given the task of protecting me in psychic space. The Unicorn and I will work together: one in the real world, the other in psychic space, to wage the war for wisdom.

I closed the Iris of Time.

It’s difficult to describe how information comes to me during an Active Imagination session. I’m engaged in a conversation, but that only seems to be the first level of conversation. Something seems to be also going on in the background, sort of a subliminal activity that supports what’s going on up front. Plus, it seems that when I think about the conversation afterward, it expands to include more material. It’s as if once information concerning the subject has been allowed to cross over from the Collective Unconscious, it continues to dribble through, or perhaps sometimes continue to flood across into my Consciousness.

I’m not sure how to explain all this. Perhaps my years of writing fiction and non-fiction, exploring ideas, established a connection (built the bridge talked about by Jung, his transcendent function) that facilitates the process. Perhaps I now have two processes for dealing with the Unconscious: one I developed through the last forty years writing, the other I am in the process of developing through Active Imagination. I might even have a third process, which is the profoundly real images I see from time to time after opening the Iris of Time. These images seem to go beyond what is normally experienced in Active Imagination. They border on hallucinations. Perhaps they are illicit images brought forward by my own determination. I’ve been told by those there that I’m not supposed to see those things. Perhaps I try too hard at times. I’m still trying to sort all this out. The human mind is complex, and the way Jung and others talk about Active Imagination seems, at times, too simplistic to explain all that I’m experiencing.

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26 Oct 2010 I’m Not Myself

I seem to be strangely untethered now in my dreams, ever since my mother passed away back on October 12th. She’d had Alzheimer’s really bad for the past few years, and her passing was somewhat anticipated, although as they say, it always comes as a shock. Her funeral last Thursday was strangely unemotional for me, a lonely funeral with lots of people. Somehow it didn’t seem to be about her, or perhaps as if she wasn’t even there. I didn’t attend the viewing of the body that was at my brother’s church just before. My son was a pallbearer. The pastor who ran the ceremony spoke about what a long life she’d lived, what she had seen, having been born in 1916: two world wars, the great depression, radio, television, and now the Internet. Telephones and now cell phones. He talked about families not holding grudges. Life is too short, he said. It was not a cold day, but it was windy. Family members I’d not seen in many years surrounded me.  We had gone to Chowchilla from Healdsburg that very morning and returned early that afternoon as soon as the reception was over. We left before it was over, although some people had started to leave. Lots of food. It was a solemn service, but not very sad. I felt a little dissatisfied about it all. I felt somewhat displaced, as if I wasn’t really a part of it.

03:00. I wake from a strange dream. I’m working for or with my father in a strange land. I am someone other than who I am in the real world. My father is not my real father either. Something has happened to my mother, his wife. I believe she has died. We are on our own for the first time, and things are not going well. We are not happy. We drive home for lunch, and I fix us something. I don’t get it right. It is bread and sliced avocadoes, if I remember correctly. I don’t get it right and he tells me so. We argue. I shout at him, and he falls quiet. Then he says that I will have to try harder if this is going to work. I feel bad and apologize.

The next part of the dream I can remember only partially. We are doing something, perhaps unpacking a truck. I’m pulling a long rolled plastic material out of a long flat sack. It’s like a long stuffed enchilada. I show my father what I’m doing. It seems important, but I can’t remember why.

Then the dream changes. I’m in a yard, perhaps the same yard, and I’m among a lot of animals. They are domesticated but run wild and don’t necessarily belong to us. I don’t remember my father being there any more or being a part of the dream. I see dogs and cats. I smelled something that is really bad, like something dead. I realize that it was an injured animal. I see a cat with its back end mostly eaten off by a dog. All the animals seem injured. Seems the dogs are eating the cats alive.

And then I see a really strange animal. It lies on the ground, and at first looks just like a clear membrane shack shaped like a gourd, but it then beins to move. Something within the membrane stretches until I can see its head, only it has two heads. Each head is like that of a snake. It has fangs. The two heads stretch the membrane but don’t break out. Their mouths open and stretch as if to strike. It is one animal with two heads.

I have a responsibility toward these animals. Somehow they are mine. This is some foreign country, and I’m a foreign person. I am not myself. I am someone else.

The dream didn’t end there, but that is all I remember.

I also remember part of a previous dream where I am a student, but the dream is not about school, college. It is about where I lived. Seems that I’ve had this dream before. This dream is about where I lived, an apartment complex. It’s old and rundown. At first, I’m glad to get the apartment because they are scarce, but later in the dream, I have been there a long time already and leaving. I have found someone else to take the apartment, and I’m showing her around. Seems the place is not in good shape. That is all I remember.

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24 Oct 2010 Two Dreams

Just after 22:00. Thought I’d open the Iris of Time and see if anything happens. It’s been a while.

Just blackness with a little unevenness in lighting. No color. The little white light is not here either. I try to sink into the darkness, but up close. Try to see something personal. Still no images, but I sense something beyond the darkness. I just can’t reach it. Sort of like reaching into deep water for something just beyond my grasp. I focus and limit my internal dialogue but also Ray Charles’ song runs through my mind. The end of an amputated finger, scared and uneven. Seeing images takes concentration, like solving a math problem. I’m getting close. Lots of movement.

Then I fall asleep.

02:00. I’ve had either two dreams or one dream that metamorphosed into another. I’m in a building with a few people who have gathered at a point of departure. Something has happened to us getting here, and that is the most important part of the dream, but of course, I can’t remember what it was. But whatever it was that happened causes us to start retracing our steps. A young woman leads us. I feel affectionate toward her. She and I get ahead of the others, and we stop to wait for them. But the place where we are is filled with people. It also seems that the young woman and I are affectionate toward each other. Perhaps we kiss. I don’t remember for sure.

In the second part of the dream, we (and I don’t know who ‘we’ is) are discussing a mission to Mars and talking about a capsule that would take us there. It would be a capsule for one person. Not so many people around. The person who would go to mars is here. She is rather old, and not very good looking at all. She works among some animals, chickens in coops, I believe, although possibly also sheep or goats. We are saying how impossible it would be for anyone to go to Mars.

Then the dreams end.

I’ve not been able to remember my dreams lately. Since my mother passed away, I’ve not been able to do Active Imagination. I just don’t seem to have the energy for it. I’ve been sleeping well at night though. Sometime as much as ten hours.

I’ve been thinking some about Active Imagination. I read somewhere about the Gnostics. I believe it was in either The Other Bible or The Nag Hammadi Librari. They wrote a lot of scripture, and not all of it was considered valid, because some of them, it seems, were making up their writings. But some of the Gnostics believed that anything they wrote, even if they made it up, was valid, true. This of course sounds a lot like they were practicing Active Imagination. It seems that they believed in this process, and that anything from the imagination was inspired, something from go God, or at least something from the divine world. I must research this.

Once again I open the Iris of Time, step out into the darkness. I shift my vision to a slightly darker place, one with a little activity although so little is going on. I do see some flashes of light in my peripheral vision, but then it dies out. I see the little light, but it’s rather dim and unusually slow in movement. Another flash of something across my field of view. I’ve been getting those flashes frequently lately when I’ve tried Active Imagination. Now the field has gone completely blank. Seems I’ve totally lost my touch when it comes to Active Imagination. Am I experiencing the equivalent of writer’s block? It seems that writer’s block may be a necessity and a result of the psychic state we are in. I don’t believe that we have depleted our resources from the Collective Unconscious, but that for some reason, our ego has shutdown the information flow from the Unconscious, perhaps as a protection from it. Whatever the reason, writer’s block may mean that we need to spend more time in the real world. It might be like running for a long distance. We have to stop to rest at some point.

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Time Away

My mother passed away on October 12. I’ll not be posting here for another week or so.

David Sheppard

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08 Oct 2010 The Pythia and Writing Fiction

Summer Glau and Crew

Summer Glau and Crew

Waiting for my eyes to adjust to the lights being out. Can’t get that picture of Summer Glau out of my mind. Need to make room for images from the Unconscious. When I’m tied to this world, emotionally tied to the real world, it’s not possible to get images from the Unconscious. I believe that’s true. Otherwise, my ego is talking to my ego.

I open the Iris of Time.

The difference in images that come out of the dark is that some I see with my eyes, as in a hallucination, and the others I see with my mind, as in something I imagine. I want to see with my eyes, even though they are closed. I dropped off for just a second. Maybe now. I see a dark image of a beautiful flower, deep reds and greens. It fades. Now the little light, swirling. The little light now surrounded by purple light. A huge pale light. Dark shapes coming in from the lower left, perhaps a flowing curtain caught in the wind. My gurgling and squawking stomach. Just unbroken darkness. I can’t get started without an image. Does anyone in the Collective Unconscious want to talk to me? Anyone want to appear? If you do, where are you?

(I fall asleep.)

I wake at 1:00 am. Tonight I’m talking to my characters involved in the third volume of the mysteries – The Twice-Born. I’ve come to Delphi to talk to the Pythia. I open the Iris of Time, and find the Pythia sitting on the steps outside the Temple of Apollo.

I walk up to her. She seems to have been waiting for me. “Tell me about your life here,” I say. “How did they select you?”

“We are very young when they first take us, some when they are first born, if from a prominent family. We are taught of the temple first, brought here as little girls, so the place is familiar to us. They hold classes for us within the temple and teach us, as a group, of the god. They teach us to sing of divine Apollo and his sister Artemis. We know all the paeans, and we sing with the other priestesses. We are taught of the many city-states and how they relate through politics, and the wars.”

“I thought they brought in peasant girls.”

“At times they do, but not usually. Sometimes they’ll hear of a peasant girl with the gift and bring her here for testing in the chamber, but that is the exception, not the rule.”

“So they test you?”

“Oh yes, for many years. We’re brought here to smell the fumes and judge our reaction.”

“When was your first time on the tripod?”

“I was seventeen. A head of state, a king from Sparta, had come. The reigning Pythia was sick and unable to perform. I’d trained since a child.”

“Were you afraid?”

“Excited. For to be possessed by the god is a thrill few experience, not to the extent that one does in the chamber at Delphi.”

“How did it go? When did you receive the question?”

“Only after mounting the tripod do they ask. First I chewed the laurel leaves after preparing my mouth with a sip of wine. But I could hear the god calling my name before I entered the chamber. I blossomed like a flower when I caught the first faint fragrance. I could feel his great love for me, and he chided me. Apollo is great fun. He isn’t gruff or angry that he’s been summoned. And he is young, not as young as I, but he is eternally young. He toyed with me, and I could hear him warming to the task. We were both anxious to hear the question.”

“Where were the priests? Did they know what was going on?”

“They sensed something. I giggled, and they worried that I’d not have the seriousness required for the task. I stifled my great joy, because I knew I could do this thing they asked of me. How was I not to know? The god was already talking to me. I put on a great air of solemnity, mounted the tripod, chewed the laurel leaf”

“Did they bring the pilgrim before you, or did the priests ask the question?”

“They prepared him also. They’d assured that he had properly cleansed himself at Castalia because the male stench of a man long on the road can stifle the Pythia’s trance. Four priests, they were, and one king of Sparta, who’d come to know the child who’d replace him. He had twin boys, and knew not which should be king.”

“Did they explain to you the differences in the two?”

“No need. Apollo had observed them since they were born. Apollo had already made his choice because he knew the king was coming. But it wasn’t Apollo who made the choice. He had no preference, but his sister Artemis, she did. Still, she had to convince her father, Zeus. She’d assumed the role of midwife when they were born, having taken on the form of a mortal and pretended to have great knowledge of such matters, because the mother was in danger of death when they were born. They sent for this great midwife and got Artemis in the form of a mortal.”

“So what did Apollo tell them?”

“I can’t tell you in Greek because you’d not understand, but within the hexameter verse, he told the man all this. That Artemis had been there and seen the birth of his sons. And Artemis knew what no one else did. That the second born had the strength of character to let his brother be born first because his brother was afraid. The second-born was the brave one, said Apollo. He will be brave and true, and compassionate as king as he was with his brother in letting him be born first.”

“Was he the only pilgrim that day?”

“Oh no. We had many more. But they’d only allow seven that first day. The priests were afraid the strain would be too much for me.”

“And what happened to you afterward. Did the god leave you when you dismounted the tripod?”

“The god wouldn’t leave me alone. I left the chamber but he followed me all the way back home. They gave me wine to bring me back to my senses. And a strong bitter decoction that almost made me puke.”

“So were you then the new Pythia?”

“No. A couple of days later the Pythia reigning health and was back in top form. They held me back until the next year because I was so young.”

“Was the king pleased with the oracle?”

“At first, when he first saw me on the tripod, I heard him castigating the priests that they’d brought him before a child to speak the wisdom of Apollo, but the priests told him that the god had chosen me for him alone to receive an oracle, that his was a great privilege. So he held his tongue, and when I made Apollo’s pronouncement, I saw him smile. He told the priests that I’d been right. The first-born son was impulsive and full of action, perhaps brave to an extreme, but the second son was more contemplative, less apt to run with his first impulse.”

“Thank you for spending time with me,” I say. “I hope my story will do your confidence in me justice.”

“Write your words with respect for the Oracle, and you’ll not fail me or the god.”

With that, I close the Iris of Time.

———-

Amazing what ideas can come to you in the middle of the night. I woke, had this idea for new type of Active Imagination session already fully form in my head. It seems that I’m now ripe for using this method for working on a novel. This is how I want to use it, at least initially, for writing fiction, and I’ll start with the third volume of The Mysteries, The Twice-Born. I’ve already outlined the work and even have a couple of chapter written. But I’ve been stalled out for several years not being able to write some scenes. This AI session has broken me free. This is how I plan to use Active Imagination.

Since I already know my characters, or at least have a preliminary assessment of them, I will now confront them in an active imagination session. As I enter each session, I’ll first go to the Pythia and have her take me to the character I plan to interrogate. In her presence, I’ll then question them about their lives and what ever I believe might be useful material for my novel. I’ll ask the Pythia about questioning them and how to go about it. Hopefully she’ll be able to help. I’ll do this for each character before I write a scene. I plan to do this at night in bed. In this way, I’ll prepare my characters for each scene. I might even plan their actions with them, as might the director of a movie. I’ll provide them input of the situation but also ask them to introduce such material as they feel fits their situation. Perhaps in this way, material will flow from the Collective Unconscious into my novel.

With Jung’s method, which had a much different purpose, he had his patients go into Active Imagination with a problem or the state of mind troubling them, and then talk to the personage who they though would have a valuable perspective on their problem. I’ll be talking to my characters, but I’ll have knowledge of who I’m talking to because I’ve modeled them after actual people from either ancient Greek history or literature. Primarily for literature I use the writing of Sophocles, Aeschylus, and Euripides, although I do plan to use some characterization from Aristophanes.

Once I’ve written an Active Imagination session for each of the characters, I’ll fold the material into the actual scene. I guess the way I will do it is that I’ll talk to each character to get the information I need, and then I’ll write the scene during another Active Imagination session. This preparation should allow me to unlock the material and allow the scene to flow freely as it occurs. Of course, afterward comes the editing, where I’ll massage the words, ensure the scene has accomplished what the story necessitates, and then move on to the next scene. Perhaps I can get the atmosphere, the weather, etc from another AI session. This is Jungian novelsmithing writing., at lest least as I now see it.

I have been wondering all along how I would apply Active Imagination to novelsmithing. And this evening after the session with the Pythia it all unfolded. It is a process that just dropped in my lap, coming to me seemingly out of nowhere, similar to the way the Pythia’s words came to me.

But I’m already having second thoughts about the process. As with all material that comes to me during an Ai session, when it’s brought fully into Consciousness, Consciousness wants to question it. Consciousness wants to invalidate it. I suppose it’s just a symptom of the relationship between the Consciousness and the Unconscious. Consciousness treats the Unconscious as though it’s its little brother. Consciousness always wants to snicker and make fun of it. Invalidate it. I can’t let that happen. I must take up for the Unconscious and the material that comes from it.

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07 Oct 2010 More Ruminations About Active Imagination

I thought I would give The Anointed One another opportunity to talk to me. (As if he is the one who wants me and I not him.) Anyway, I open the Iris of Time.

I’ll see if the people I was initially with will appear to me again. I don’t see them, and I’m losing my desire to meet with him again anyway.  Or perhaps he’s lost interest in me. I’m not back to the same location. That was in an eastern country, and I didn’t get there by following directions.

Although my sessions seem to be getting longer when they work, it’s still a hit and miss proposition. Still too distracted tonight. More reservations and disappointments.

I’ve been think a lot about my Active Imagination session two nights ago and wondering what happened and why it happened the way it did. It seems that at times I’m reverting back to my religious training as a child. I’ve forgotten a lot of it, don’t use it in daily life, and not wanted to participate in religious rituals. But going to see the young man, and that happening so spontaneously, is something I cannot deny. It happened in psychic space. When I was looking for wisdom, the intellectual knowledge concerning wisdom, I encountered the Centaur, the most wise of beings according to the ancient Greeks. When I was looking for solace, I turned back to my childhood solution. It was personal, spiritual, and consoling. It was like confronting my father when I was a child, and actually, maybe for the first time, actually getting some help.

Jung used to meet with whom he called the five million year old man. But here, searching for a man of wisdom, I meet with a young man half my age. Mine was a personal quest and not an intellectual quest. And talking with him was the first time in my life that I’ve found someone I think I could share some of my problems with and trust the answer. Personal questions, personal problems.

My quest for wisdom and the nature of wisdom was a different quest. I wasn’t looking for anything personal. I was looking for the nature of wisdom and how one attained it. Somehow there seems to be a big difference.

But still, I try to reconcile the two, and try to cover up the inconsistency, or the potential inconsistency. I’m trying to plot my Active Imagination session, or the content, when my approach from the beginning has been to open the Iris of Time and see what happens. And part of it has to do with putting this material on the Internet. I don’t want to lose face. I don’t want to come across as being ridiculous. I don’t want to discredit myself. I want it all to fit together in a neat package and make sense. But this isn’t a novel. I’m not plotting it. It will be as inconsistent as is the Collective Unconscious, and as much as my Personal Unconscious is inconsistent. In large part my worry is that I will displease my readers, much as in therapy I worried about displeasing my psychiatrist. Just as when writing a novel, I don’t want to disappoint my readers, my audience.

When I expose the inter working my of my mind, I don’t want to be an idiot. Essentially, I don’t my readers to see beyond my persona. I want to keep it in tact, because I’ve always held it in place to cover up that of which I am ashamed, that which is unacceptable to society. Plus, I’m afraid that now that I’ve conversed with a being inside myself that I call the Christ, I can’t go back to see the Centaur, that I have to have one place to track down the answers to my questions in the search for wisdom. And I feel that as an outside pressure bearing down on me, pressure from you, my readers, and just as it would be from my psychiatrist, if I were in still in therapy.

This is present all the time but has now become an overriding issue. I’ll have to wade through this, minimize its effect as much as possible, and continue forward. Essentially, I’m suffering from not being able to plot my Active Imagination, not being able to foresee what’s coming, plan ahead, change that which doesn’t fit, take out that which isn’t a part of the story, stay with the central conflict, mark the plot points, resolve the central conflict, and come to a meaningful resolution. Make it interesting.

But my relationship with the Collective Unconscious may not be like this. I’ve taken off as an explorer, to investigate the nature of my Collective Unconscious. I must let it be, let it be what it will be. But still, I feel that without my planning, it won’t have a central unity, but it should because I am a central unity. I must not permit entities from the Collective Unconscious to take over my psyche. That is the path of insanity. People with multiple personality disorder lose the central unifying characteristic of their psyche. I can’t allow that to happen.

I know that I am approaching Active Imagination as would a novelist. I can see that now. I’m not approaching as would one going to a therapist and trying to resolve major, perhaps life-threatening issues. I’m on an adventure, albeit a serious one, to investigate the Collective Unconscious and Personal Unconscious. But for both my own benefit and to augment my writing craft. I believe this demonstrates, and this may be my first big revelation, what the novelist encounters when writing fiction. He believes he is making up a story, but it becomes more than that. He takes on some of the persona of his characters. His writing starts causing emotional problems. His work starts to affect his life, and not always in a positive way.

These are my thoughts on what is happening to me. I frequently feel shame over what I have experienced during my Active Imagination. I’ve given up my persona, let the world see beyond my mask, beyond the character and into the actor. I’ve removed my protective armor in what is the war we fight to civilize ourselves. I’m naked standing before the world and afraid of its judgment. But I would have to suffer through this if I was in therapy, perhaps even more powerfully. I therapist, a psychiatrist is a looming presence to the patient in therapy. A looming, all-consuming presence, in many was more powerful and omnipotent, because he knows. Your parents when growing up as a child don’t always have the answers. We learn that very young. But the psychiatrist is a doctor and has learned of the human mind. He has all the answers. Or at least he does to the patient, or at least he should have, thinks the patient, or at least he might have.

At times while in the middle of Active Imagination, I run up against a situation where I lose contact with the personages with whom I am interacting. I have a question for them, but I know they don’t have the answer. I can’t find the answer for them. When I was in therapy, I had one of the strangest sessions imaginable. I had been growing increasingly angry and hostile toward my psychiatrist, and in this one session, I walked into his office, sat down in the easy chair where I always sat, and I said in a belligerent fashion, “I have absolutely nothing to say.” And I then sat there looking directly at him and saying nothing for forty-five minutes. When my time was up, he said, “Our times is up,” and I got up and walked out without saying another word. He had sat before me, attentive, alert, ready for my input, never betraying that what I was doing was anything out of the ordinary, as if what we were doing was perfectly reasonable. I was paying him a lot of money to listen and comment on what I would say, and I spent forty-five minutes saying nothing. I’m not sure what happened during that session, but I’ve always thought that that it was probably the most beneficial in the almost five years I went to him. Which makes me wonder about these beings I encounter during Active Imagination, and how they at times fall silent. Is it really because I’ve lost contact with them? Or are these more significant times when perhaps we need to just face each other, and allow me to be in their presence, just allow me to experience who they are, two beings in each other’s presence. I always want to keep the dialogue going because I’m trying to get it all down on paper, but perhaps I should concentrate more on the experience and less on providing a record on it. Perhaps I should let some of my answers from them just hang there in the air. Perhaps words aren’t always the answer. Perhaps not hearing the words doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

Posted in 07 Oct 2010 More Ruminations About Active Imagination, October 2010 | Comments Off  

06 Oct 2010 The Dwarfs

I wake at 11:41 pm. Not that late. I’m feeling antagonistic this evening, and instead of Active Imagination, I want to argue with myself. Might take a minute or two to get my bearings before I open the Iris of Time. I’m also not feeling so chipper. Not sleeping well. Don’t remember my dreams, any dreams, if I had them.

Okay, now I open the Iris of Time. I see just blackness with little variation, not even the points of light. I no longer see the little light flitting around in the dark. I haven’t seen it in some time. I focus in close. Nothing changes. I imagine someone coming into my bedroom a while I do Active Imagination and killing me with an ax. I’m really morbid this evening. But then I had an afternoon nap. Gets me every time. I feel the presence of Dram, the Unicorn, tonight. She seems particularly agitated, as if something is in the air. I’m not sure what sort of threat she and the Centaur anticipate that they would have her with me all the time. One must not be cavalier about having a Unicorn for protection.

I keep catching a glimpse of dwarfs in a forest. They see to be coming to eat off a wood table before me. Dwarfs and some half-dwarf creature that peaks over the edge of the table to grab a morsel of food and then slinks back out of sight. He has a large human nose. Strange creatures about. Now it is shifting, and I don’t like the direction things are taking because it seems dangerous. Dram comes in closer. I’m too tired tonight to experience much, or so at least I’m afraid. I have difficulty getting out of myself, my ego. I hear the tootling of pipes, a part of a tune. “Go on and take your shoes off,” I hear someone say. Of course, I’m in bed, so I have my shoes off. Is she speaking to me? Or someone else? Sometimes I wait so long for something to happen that I’m exhausted by the time something does, and I can’t follow the action long enough for it to become meaningful. Ah, the little light again, but more diffuse this time, as if from behind a ridge in the distance. Lots of shape shifting now. Light in the center, large light with black curtains pulling together around it. Light increasing in size till in encompasses the entire Iris. A large black spot has grown in the center of the light. It’s like an island in the ocean, but the island seems a large corpse of something dead. I see a road with a white line disappearing into a tunnel. I am so tired now.  I close the Iris. 12:20 am.

Posted in 06 Oct 2010 The Dwarfs, October 2010 | Comments Off  

05 Oct 2010 The Anointed One

03:30. For the first time, what you read below is something that I had grave questions about posting on the Internet, as you will see, for several reasons. It happened just like all my other Active Imagination sessions. I opened the Iris of Time and found myself somewhere. It started with a few fleeting images and a situation, as they always do. But I found myself searching for something, someone, and it went beyond curiosity. I was seeking solace and the answer to burning questions I’ve had all my life. That isn’t to say that I feel that I got them answered. I was given answers, but I don’t know if I believe them as fact.

As for my own religious beliefs, I always say that I am spiritual, but not religious. That said, I love the rituals and symbolism of the Catholic Church, although, I am suspicious and condemning of all those who occupy an official position within any organized religion. Am I a pagan? No, but I resent the word “pagan” to identify ancient religions of the world. I believe they have had an understanding, a profound understanding of some of the universal forces that exist, and in particular those within the human psyche. If you’ve read Oedipus on a Pale Horse, you should have a vague idea of where I stand on religious subjects. Seventeen years ago, I visited the Church of the Apocalypse on Patmos, the burial site of St. John at Ephesus, and the home of the Virgin Mary in the hills east of Ephesus. Am I a Christian? Well, that’s a good question that I cannot answer myself, although I do say a prayer now and then, perhaps more so than I will admit. I make no attempt to hide my schizophrenic approach to religion and accept my inconsistencies without a need to try to resolve them.

So did the encounter that you’re about to read about actually happen? I love that question because it gets to the heart of Active Imagination (emphasis on the imagination). It happened in my imagination. The encounter was not highly emotional, it was heart felt. I had no revelations given me, although I can say that it explored territory that was new to me, and answered some questions. It does not resolve any major religious issues for me because I am so suspicious of this process. If I had more faith in the process, perhaps it would.

The one thing about all my Active Imagination sessions is that consciousness wants to discredit them. They generally come across as imaginative instead of actual, although they seem actual when they present themselves, but in the bright light of consciousness they dim into a fog of fantasy, much as does a dream. But that’s what Active Imagination is. Subjected to the scrutiny of consciousness and associated disbelief, it dissipates into fantasy. Or it comes to us as insanity. Jung wondered while he was practicing it on himself if he was going insane. And certainly that can happen.

I guess my biggest objection to religions, or perhaps I should say religious people, is that they make what are to me such ridiculous pronouncements about God. “God never gives you anything you can’t handle,” and “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” Any one who has seen the inside of a mental institution, and I have, knows that this is not true. And their proclamation that being saved by the grace of God from a tornado and tsunami, or a fire, I find patiently ridiculous. If this is the way, he operates, then what about the abuse of women and children? The abuse of children, the physical and emotional battering of children, if their god is has the capability to stop it and doesn’t, is so horrible as to be unimaginable. I know not this god, nor do I care to ever meet him. If this is the status of the Universe, then I don’t want to exist here.  He could have prevented the entire affair. If he’d wanted to do a good job, he could have prevented the atrocities to begin with. All this gets into really stupid logic, and I just walk away from it.

I would put this encounter in the same light as I would that with the Pythia, the Unicorn, and the Centaur. It was not a heavily emotional experience, as you would expect if it were, how can I say, an absolute reality. I present it for your consideration, much as would Rod Serling a Twilight Zone episode.

Anyway, here it is.

—————–

Sometime during the night, I wake and open the Iris of Time.

I’m in some far eastern country with a family in a large tent, and one of their women is trying to get me to go to bed with her. She’s massaged my feet, and I believe I’m in love. But this is not the reason I’m here. This would be an empty encounter, and I’m not looking for that. She’s not pleased with me. “Okay,” she says and leaves. But I’m looking for Christ. I didn’t know that that was the reason I came here. I just showed up here, and it turns out that I’m look for Christ.

“Is he here?” I ask.

“He has been here,” they say. “Yes, he is here.” I see their dark faces with gnarled beards, short. But they are not helping me find him.

“Will he see me?” I ask

“He is here, but we don’t know where,” they say. “We don’t know if he will see you.”

“Where would I look for him?”

“If you go out, he will find you, if he wants to meet you. But why do you want to see him?”

“I don’t know. I would like to see if he wants to tell me something. I’m not sure why I’m here. I was just suddenly here.”

“Well, go look for him. He is not so hard to find.”

I leave the group of men. They are playing music, and the girls are dancing for them. I hear it as it fades into the background.

I’m out in the desert, just outside the oasis. It’s full of bushes scattered among the sand dunes. It’s not as dark as I thought it was, and I can find my way among them without much trouble. I see a faint glow of sunset in the west that reminds me of my home in Carlsbad, New Mexico. I’m looking for a place to sit so I can wait for Christ to join me, if he chooses. Do I see him coming? Is that him or a figment of my imagination?

At least it’s someone, or two people actually, but then they stop, talk for a minute and one of them walks toward the oasis. The other approaches me. I do not see him very well. I don’t know if it is because of the failing light or if it is the strength of my vision. I remember that I said that I have to have a sort of poetic faith, a suspension of disbelief, to get the imagines to appear. In addition to him, I see a gnarled face, a snickering face, and hands, perhaps a claw, digging for grubs in the dirt.

But I turn back to the man who is now sitting beside me and turned facing me.

“Are you he?” I ask. “Are you really the Christ, the Chosen One?”

“Yes,” he says, “I am and I have come to talk to you because you have sought me out.”

“Who was the man you were talking to?”

“Someone else who wanted to talk to me.”

“But are you really Jesus?”

“Yes, I am really the one you seek.”

“Were you the man who died on the cross?”

“Yes, I’m the man who died on the cross. Or at least it was my physical body that died on the cross.”

“Did you die for our sins?”

“I died for those who believe that that is possible.”

“How about those like me, who have so little faith?”

“Yes, that is the question, isn’t it. Do you want me to have done that?”

“And that’s the sad part,” I say. “Because no, I don’t want you to have died for my sins. I think I should be punished. I should take responsibility for them. They are mine.”

“Then you really don’t need me.”

“Perhaps I need you even more,” I say. “Perhaps, it is that I don’t want you to do something for me, but for me to do something for you. I want to take responsibility for my sins so you won’t have to. That way I can save you the pain. And then I won’t have the guilt of knowing that I did something that you paid for. That I paid my own debt.”

“You would deny me the privilege of saving your soul from torment?”

“It would seem so, but I know that there are some forms of punishment that I couldn’t take. I think my soul would die.”

“And what form does this punishment take?”

“It is claustrophobia. I am so afraid of it that I believe I would want my soul to die rather than suffer it. I would lose my immortality to not suffer that.”

“Then can I have that which you cannot withstand?”

“But I don’t want you to suffer it either. I would not wish that on any man, much less the Son of God.”

“But it is that for which I came, to take that which you cannot.”

“And this is where I have a problem with existence, with wanting to even have a consciousness. If suffering such as that I imagine exists, I would hope for non-existence. I don’t want suffering of that magnitude to exists at all. I want nothing if that has to exist along side existence.“

I turn and look at him His presence has faded, but I can still see him. “I don’t want you to suffer for me,” I say.

“I won’t,” he answers. “But we need to talk about this some more because existence is a marvelous thing, and you must allow me to exercise that for which I have come.”

“Perhaps I could reconcile myself to it, if I knew more of the reason you wish to do this. Why would you do it?”

“Because you are my children. Would you not do it for your children?”

“I would hope that I could, though the pain, misery is so frightening that I’ve often wondered if I could. I think I would, but I also believe I might break.”

“It is my fault that you have to suffer it because I did create the world where you committed your sins, and I created the Universe in which this scheme developed.”

“Did you do it purposely, or did you not know?”

“Oh, I knew alright, for I do foresee all. But I didn’t foresee that I couldn’t handle seeing those I had created suffer, so I like you, want to absorb the suffering, for in the beginning, to build a world with happiness, I also had to build a world of suffering. The two combined equal nothingness.”

“Then I tell you what I wish to do. I will accept my own payment for my sins, and suffer all that I can, but that which goes over what I can stand, I will give that to you willingly, but no more.”

“I accept this offer, at lest until you might change your mind. Our conversation on this subject is not over.”

“I would hope not, because I worry about you too. Perhaps to come to know more of you and of Heaven and whatever there is in the way of a Hell, I would need to know about this Universe and the forces that exist. If I am thy creation, and I believe that I am, then I do have worth, such that it is, and I wish to honor it by serving you in a way that helps you. I’m not much of praise, not because I don’t appreciate you, but because that’s not the way I envision you. I’m not sure that you seek praise. It’s just that what I see of the world that seems valuable to me has nothing to do with your worship, and everything to do with helping your cause. My role in that seems not directed at telling others what to do. I do not see me bringing your message to them. I see myself serving you in the way that it seems you’ve taught me.”

“Then let us leave it there for tonight. I don’t believe that you we should precede any further in this first encounter. We’ve already probably gone further than was warranted. But that’s understandable since we’ve been so estranged.”

“That surprises me, because I thought I’d always been working your will.”

“Yes, that is your way. But when you come to know me better, you’ll also come to understand the nature of our estrangement that exists even today.”

With that he stands up. “Will we meet again, David?” And then he walks off into the darkness.

And I close the Iris of Time.

Posted in 05 Oct 2010 The Anointed One, October 2010 | Comments Off  

04 Oct 2010 Spontaneous Appearances

Just about to get to sleep, my head firmly placed on my pillow, when I hear someone beating at the door trying to get in. He shakes the whole house. Of course, it is someone one from my Unconscious. Then a few moments later, someone jumps up from the sofa and runs off somewhere, I’m not sure where or even who the person is. Some really strange activity going on without me starting an Active Imagination session or even getting to sleep.

A quick image of someone carrying a man’s head by its hair. Nothing below the neck. Just a fleeting glimpse.

I open the Iris of Time and see a beautiful valley with a cliff off to the left. A masion the beach with a dog, playing. A small girl, about twenty, giving a much larger man money. I see a mottled darkness, pale splotches of light break the darkness.

But I’m just too sleepy to continue, so I drop off to sleep.

The next morning: I’m continually amazed at how these images pop out of my Unconscious. This is really a strange activity. I just wish I could hang onto some of these scenes. Why can’t I get these people to talk to me? Talking to these spontaneously appearing people would really be interesting. I wonder who they are? Someday perhaps I’ll find out. Of course, maybe I don’t want to know. Perhaps the fact that I can’t interact with them is a built-in protection for me.

Posted in 04 Oct 2010 Spontaneous Appearances, October 2010 | Comments Off  

02 Oct 2010 The Relationship between Reality and the Mythic World

I still notice that images that pop into my awareness startle me and disappear. Somehow, Consciousness suppresses them. My Consciousness seems to have a natural suppression mechanism that I can disable momentarily to allow images in, but when they appear, Consciousness slams the door shut.

Now to sleep.

I woke just before midnight again, but this time couldn’t remember having a dream. I went back to sleep and woke about 03:30, having had a couple of rather strange dreams. Or perhaps, it was one continuous dream but my memory has split it into two segments. In the first part, we were in a department store of some sort. Think we were mostly looking at clothes, when I noticed an electronics setup against a far wall. It had a lot of equipment the centerpiece of which was, by today’s standards, a rather small television. I don’t remember the details of the other equipment. It seemed to be made of some exotic material and looked ceramic rather than metal or plastic. All of it was obsidian black, and all the surfaces were curved, or one might say, molded. The entire setup was quite expensive, in the thousands of dollars. We looked at it and passed on. I say “we,” but I’m not quite sure who “we” were. Someone was with me, perhaps several people. Seems we might have been in a group. As we were leaving, I saw a man considering purchasing all this equipment, I and overheard the salesman telling him that financing was set up so that it was included in the loan of his house. This led me to believe that either the man was also buying a house or he’d have to take out a second mortgage. Anyway, the salesman was playing down the price because he’d never notice the increase in payments.

Then we were in an entirely different part of town and in a much older business district. I was in a western store with a man who was showing me some leather goods. The goods were incredibly well made, thick genuine leather, intricately hand-worked and amazingly expensive. He showed me a holster, and I shoved my .45 revolver into it, and it fit perfectly. I believe the man I was with was planning to buy it for me. Then I noticed the price tag, $328. That stopped both of us for a moment, but the price didn’t seem to really bother him, so we moved on looking at other items. And then the dream ended.

I guess what surprises me most about the second part of this dream, and the first part for some reason seems insignificant, at least for now, is that I again had a gun. And this time, I didn’t invent it for my protection in an Active Imagination session. That was my pistol I shoved into the holster, although I must have come by it recently because I didn’t even own a holster, or at least not a good one.

I’m not much on guns. I have a brother, who owns a gun shop, but I’m not a big supporter of gun rights, but neither am I in favor of an outright ban on them. I do believe they could be better controlled if it wasn’t such a highly politicized issue. But then when I look back on my first complete novel, The Escape of Bobby Ray Hammer, I see that many of the key moments in it involved guns, and at the end of the novel, I have Bobby gather all of them up, take them out into a junkyard and bury them because they contributed to so much trouble within his family. At the time I wrote that novel, guns weren’t such a big political issue, or I wasn’t aware of it, and I didn’t think of my novel as anti-gun or of myself as an anti-gun advocate. That’s just the way the novel worked itself out.

But here I am now, in the midst of this Active Imagination excursion, and I go out searching for wisdom with a Unicorn and find myself being talked about by a Centaur as though I’m a warrior. And I find myself in a position where I have to strap on a revolver to protect my family in another AI session. Then here in this dream, a six-shooter seems to be a part of my permanent apparel. I have a tendency to believe that this whole violence-and-guns thing has gotten out of hand, gone in a direction that I didn’t intend, but then that’s what’s spontaneously generating my in dreams and Active Imagination sessions. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how it develops. Jung saw floods of blood that turned out to be a prophecy of WWI and the blood bath that was to consume Europe. I don’t know that I’m experiencing any sort of prediction of the future, but it is a rather ominous set of circumstances I’ve encountered. I do know of the craziness of the far right, with militias starting to form in various parts of the country, and that certain segments of our society seem bent on violence on a massive scale, and that they are delusional about what is going on on the political left. I’m hoping people will come to their senses, but then they hoped that before WWII, and it got worse and enveloped the entire world before it got better.

Another thing I’ve noticed about dreams. During my dreams, some of the personages are very strong and stand out to me as being actual personalities, but they are not anyone I know or have known. After my dreams tonight though, after I woke, my memory of these people started to metamorphosis into real-world people, people I know. It’s as if my Consciousness wants to put actual people in place of these personages from the Unconscious. But these real-world people are not who these people were in my dreams. I’m really suspicious of this replacement activity, because I believe it destroys the authenticity and takes away from the actual content of the dream, particularly its symbolic nature. It’s as if perhaps we all are actually someone we else from the Collective Unconscious, that we really are mythical beings, and that our real-world personas have masked our mythical identities. It’s as if something wants to hide our actual mythical identities from us. Except that this process is actually slow in taking place, so that there’s always a gap between the time we see our true, mythical selves and then see the real world person slapped over the top of it. This delay seems purposeful and instructive. Someone is trying to tell us something about ourselves, or perhaps it’s not someone, just the physics of the psyche.

The man in the violent dream the previous night seemed at first to be someone I’d never met, but later on, my image of him drifted toward being that of a friend of mine I knew in high school. My companion in my dream tonight was originally someone I didn’t recognize, but when I revisited my memory of him, he keep being replaced by images of my brother.

And then there’s the problem of creating art out of the images from the Unconscious as Jung suggests. This seems to me to destroy the original image and replace it with a deficient real-world image that has somewhat different characteristics. I’m resisting creating drawings of my images because of this. I want to preserve the otherworldly nature of the images and not contaminate them with real-world, two-dimentional demands that seem to detract from the memory of the experience.

I also notice some of this same phenomena occurring when I use a dream as a starting point for an Active Imagination session. The dream is bizarre and otherworldly, but then the material I take from the dream for use in the AI session seems to drift into a more real-world context and lose some of the mythical quality. It loses its strangeness and also its emotional impact. The Unconscious is a strange and powerful world. This world, our physical real world, pales I comparison. At least for now, I’m much more interested in experiencing the Unconscious for what it is and plan to let the translation into this world, particularly through drawn and painted images, wait for a while. I must get to know the Unconscious first. In many ways, it seems that the physical qualities of the obsidian ceramics and the quality of the leather goods in my dream tonight were the most important aspects of the dream. I could never capture those qualities in a painting, and I might forget about them entirely if I tried to paint the images.

I believe the delay in covering the mythic world with the real-world mask is purposeful and is done to show us that both worlds exist and that they are both important and constitute the human experience. We can’t live fully conscious of the roles we play in the mythic world. As Murray Stein says, that results in psychological inflation, the myth of our lives would take over, and we would be literally living a myth instead of our own lives. Yet, we cannot live without an input from the mythic world or our lives would be dry, meaningless, and without purpose.

I am also coming to believe that the Collective unconscious is not the divine world. The world of the divine lies somewhere beyond the Collective Unconscious, or at least what I’ve experienced of it, and I’ve yet to encounter it. That’s disappointing. I still have a long ways to go. And perhaps this will be another of my goals for working with Active Imagination: to find the World of the Divine. If it’s possible.

Posted in 02 Oct 2010 The Relationship between Reality and the Mythic World, October 2010 | Comments Off  

01 Oct 2010 The Convict

I’ve learned something about dreams. They are excellent starting points for Active Imagination sessions, as suggested by Jung. However, and I believe this is a little different, I’m finding that if I start the AI session immediately after I wake from a dream, the session is more active and likely to involve my Unconscious. The advantage I have is that I have developed the skill of typing on my notebook computer without any light: not from the computer screen, not from the computer keyboard, and definitely not from the light on my headboard. I type totally in the dark. I only briefly turn on the screen light to verify that my word processor is active. In the dark, I use the little blip on the “F” and the “J” keys to keep my fingers in position on the keyboard. This allows me to sink into the dream world of the Unconscious. The longer I practice this, the better I’m getting at ignoring the fact that I’m typing. My conversations and descriptions just flow out of my fingers. I don’t worry about typos. I can clean them up the next day.

This also satisfies another wish of mine: to investigate my Unconscious, the land of dreams. The Unconscious comes to me in my dreams, and that’s what I’ve been trying to get it to do while awake. Jung says that you lose control with a dream, but I don’t want control. I want to investigate my Unconscious and carry on a dialogue with it. I also want to learn about the personages I run across in there, and the settings. Some of them are really exotic. I want to know about locations and people, and some of the people are really scary. I saw two convicts on a truck in one of my last dreams. I should work into this technique slowly. It would really be great if I could develop the skill to type while in a dream, while asleep that is. Not much chance of that, but that’s what Active Imagination is all about: being in the dream state and still yet having the presence of mind to engage with those in the dream. Starting to sound more and more like lucid dreaming.

Now off to sleep, and we’ll see how close to a dream I can enter an Active Imagination session.

11:50. Okay, I just woke from a dream, but this isn’t the kind I want to enter with Active Imagination. I’m around a bunch of bad people. Most people here have killed someone. One of the guys in the room I’m in is waiting on the floor for another woman that my wife has left with. They’ve been gone a long time, he says. I agree. He wonders if they are dead. I’m sure they aren’t. Plus, I have another worry. We left our two kind kids and came here, heaven knows why, something about my wife looking for someone with another woman, perhaps her husband. No one seems to know what is going on, but the most likely thing is for someone to getting killed, maybe a lot of people getting killed. I don’t know what to ask anyone. I could set someone off and get killed myself. My best guess is that I’m in the middle of my shadow. Or perhaps I’m in Hell. I’m probably about thirty years old. Our kids are small. All the buildings around here are small. The only person I’ve talked to is a young man sitting on the ground. He’s really concerned about our wives being gone. I know he has killed someone, not recently, but he’s been in a lot of trouble. He’s really upset, but not mad, at least not for now. I just want my wife to return, so we can get out of here. I’ll skip the Active Imagination session on this one, if you don’t mind.

I seem to be somewhere in my Shadow. All these people seem to be either kids I grew up with in high school, or people we knew around our hometown. Possibly people in our families. I had an uncle by marriage who tried to kill my father. Put him in the hospital for several days. He almost died. But this seems to be people from my own generation, not older people. Could be a few years out of high school. Must be twelve years out of high school, if I’m thirty. But my wife and I don’t belong here. We don’t know these people any more. We’ve got to get out of here. I wish my wife would return. I see her with another woman, perhaps her sister, but they walk on by and disappear into another building. We should get out of here.

These are not people I can deal with. This is an area of my Unconscious, the personal Unconscious. They are unreasonable in the truest sense. I can’t change the situation here. I suppose that’s the reason it’s suppressed. It’s a bunch of killers.

I start to drift off to sleep again.

I just talked to some one while I was near the dream state. He was lighting a candle. I didn’t see his face. He said we should get out of here, my wife and I. I was back there again. The dream is still going on.

Me being here and being awake seems to have calmed the situation. Perhaps I should see what I can do through Active Imagination after all.

I go back in. The man on the ground who was so concerned is now gone. He was sitting on straw on the floor. I go back outside, and meet him coming back from the building across the street.

“Did you see my wife?” I ask

“No, but don’t stick around. Get out of here.”

“I can’t. Not without my wife.”

I leave him, walk to the building where my wife and her sister entered. I go inside. I see the two of them talking to an outlaw, like in an old western movie, against the far wall. I go over to her.

“Get out of here,” she says. “You could set him off.”

“But you’re in danger. I’m not going to sit around while they kill you.”

“They won’t kill us if your not here.”

“I’m not playing this game any more,” I say.

Now I have a gun too, a forty-five strapped to my hip. I don’t have to play this by their rules. This is my dream, and I’ve decided to take it over, regardless of the consequences.

I walk over to the table where the outlaw sits. My sister-in-law is talking to him.

“We’re leaving,” I say. “All three of us.”

“Sit down and shut up,” he says. “This doesn’t concern you.”

“This is my wife and her sister. We’re leaving. You don’t have anything to say about it. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, but if you and these men think you’re the only ones who has a say so here, you’re wrong. We can settle this peacefully, but I’m willing to take the path of violence, if I have too. And trust me on this. I can kill all of you before you get your guns out of your holsters, if I have to.

“I’m married to your wife’s sister,” he says. “She’s not getting the kids. Try to take them, and you’ll be pushing daisies.”

“I turn to m my wife. We’ve got to go,” I say. “This is between them.”

“But she can’t leave the kids with an outlaw.”

I realize that she’s right. Without warning, I draw my pistol and shoot him and the other two men. They just have shoulder wounds, but it disables them. They’re startled, in a lot of pain, and still trying to get to their pistols. I tell the women to get the kids. They go in a back room and come out with two young boys. I turn to the outlaw again. I’ve taken their guns. I’ll do this again, if you come after us. Remember that. I know there’s no law in this territory. Change your ways if you want to see your kids. I don’t want any killing over this.

The women have already left with the kids. I back out, and we leave.

I end the Active Imagination session.

All while this was going on, I had to keep myself from killing them. Every action I took, I had to make a conscious choice not to kill them. When it became obvious to me that we weren’t going to get out of there peacefully, I resorted to violence, controlled violence. But I my first thought was always to kill them. I’ll have to contend with them again. Killing them would have finished it. Why didn’t I kill them? I don’t know. It didn’t seem like it would have been wrong, not in this world. I guess it didn’t because this is my world. It is a part of me, and I need this trouble, or it wouldn’t be here.

The other thing I’ve learned from this is that I am the hero of my own psyche, or at least I seem to be. I do realize that there are forces within my psyche that I can’t overcome. I don’t feel as though I can handle everything it’s possible for me to come up against. Perhaps within my Shadow, I can. But when I come up against the Collective Unconscious, that’s another story. I sense an evil out there far beyond anything I can overcome. For now that’s why I have Dram. But Dram isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of protectors. And losing that battle when it comes could have an influence over how I spend eternity. Let’s just hope it comes later, after I’ve found an ally capable of contend with this.

When I was in Greece back in ‘93, I had a dream that I encountered Satan. (See Oedipus on a Pale Horse.) I solved that problem then. And I didn’t do it with violence. I believe there is a time for violence, but not very frequently. I hope to always find a way to peace. But I do know that not all psychic entities are open to peaceful solutions.

I just realized, received an answer from someone within the Unconscious, that the reason we are the hero of our own Shadow is because we have suppressed that part of our ego. Since we have suppressed it sometime in the past, we are more powerful than it. We don’t have to put up with what goes on there, if we don’t want. That also means that the Collective Unconscious is a totally different problem.

The world I was just in was not strange. No Unicorns, no Centaurs. Everything there could be encountered in the real world on any given day. That’s not true of the Collective Unconscious.

Another thing I noticed: Dram, the Unicorn and my protector, was not there even in the Active Imagination session following this dream. But Dram exists in the Collective unconscious. I don’t need her in my Shadow. I can take care of myself there.

07:30. I started this Active Imagination session after waking. I was able to get back into the dream partially. But as time went on, I could tell that I started losing a lot of the character of the dream, and my session drifted toward being an old, bad western movie. I couldn’t keep it from drifting that way.

All in all, I had a very bad night’s sleep. I went to sleep just before 10:00, and had the initial part of the dream just before midnight. I don’t know how the rest of it played out time wise. Later on I did have some partial dreams. I was going in and out of sleep. I remember some animal underground digging and the earth on top caving in. I never got to see the animal. At times while awake, I could easily see images of people milling about and objects the nature of which I can no longer remember. Lots going on.

All this is eating up a lot of time and energy. I’m supposed to be writing a novel and working on the non-fiction book, Tales of the Mythic World. I can’t allow Active Imagination to interfere with my writing indefinitely. I’ll keep going as I have for another month. At that point, I’ll be six months into Active Imagination. I’ll reread everything I’ve written, attempt an analysis of what has happened, and plot a course for future sessions. I’m supposed to be investigating the overlap between Active Imagination and writing fiction, and developing a method for writers to improve their writing, or at lest understand more about the process.

Posted in 01 Oct 2010 The Convict, October 2010 | Comments Off  

30 Sept 2010 The Ancient Greek Temple

These are the times that try men’s souls. That’s what I’m after.

Midnight. Just woke from a dream that I remembered until I reached for my notebook. Now, all is a blank. Where do dreams occur if the contents are from the Unconscious but presented in material from the conscious? That’s why Hermes is sometimes called the Sandman. He brings dreams and sleep and is also guide of souls in the Underworld. Or just guide of souls. He can go between worlds. He is also a thief and a murderer, and he accompanied me on my trip through Greece seventeen years ago, almost to the day. He is also the protector of travelers. So I imagine that he’s the one to blame for me not being able to see images from the Unconscious. Seems he would officiate over Active Imagination. But then also, we are supposed to be in the hands of our anima, and I’ve never understood the relationship between the anima and Hermes. Anyway, on to the images from the Underworld.

I still don’t remember the dream I just had. Okay, now I’m remembering some of it. Hermes must have taken pity on me. I was back at work as an engineer again. This seems to have been a much longer dream, one of which I only remember the ending, as is true of most of my dreams. I was with another engineer, and we were in the process of taking my papers inside a large building because they just might get rained on. The other building was huge and not really setup as an office. It was much more like an ancient Greek temple; however, I didn’t make that association in my dream. I believe it had two or three rows of columns down the middle but plenty of space around the rows of columns and the walls of windows on the outside. The walls were mostly glass, something the ancient Greeks knew nothing about. We didn’t know quite where to put my papers, so we asked someone. And that’s just about all I remember.

Perhaps this building is a good place to start an Active Imagination session. I imagine myself there now, and my presence inside the building seems natural enough and not forced. I can see down the side of the building between the columns and the wall of windows to the right. I walk between them. The floor is carpeted and as I walk along, on the left, I can see through the rows of three columns. They are rather close together. Must be a hundred columns in length, in the direction I’m walking, but each row is only three columns wide. I realize that I’m alone, that I’ve left the young man I’ve been with, and I probably shouldn’t have done that. I got my hands slapped for going it alone in one of my sessions, my last one actually. But here comes someone down the hall toward me now, and he’s not too pleased with me.

I’m sorry, sir,” he says, “but you’re not supposed to be here.”

“What is this building?” I ask.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Well then, ask me to leave, but first tell me the purpose of this building.”

“How did you get in?” he asks.

“The door was unlocked,” I say. “We didn’t want my papers to get wet. It’s going to rain, you know.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that.”

I hear thunder off in the distance. “Is this one of Zeus’ temples?” I ask

“It’s a temple to all the ancient Gods,” he says. “But I’m afraid you’ll have to leave.”

“You wouldn’t put us out in the rain, now would you?” I ask.

“Okay, but stay back down at the end where you entered. I can’t allow you up here unattended.”

“But then if you’d stay with me, I wouldn’t be unattended, would I? You could show me around the place.”

“You’re interested? Really? We don’t get many interested in a temple to the gods anymore.”

“Very interested, actually. I’ve been wondering the purpose of so many columns, much too many to simply hold up the roof.”

“But you see, the columns are very old, fifth century BC. We built the rest of the building around them just recently to protect them from the weather, just as it is now protecting you. No one knows the reason for so many columns.”

“Who are you? Do you work here?”

“I’m sort of a curator.”

I turn to look at him closely for the first time. He’s well dressed, dark slacks, belt and a white shirt. Short sleeves. Slightly balding.  He’s not very tall.

“So who are you really?” I ask.

“Sir, I really must ask you to leave.”

“But I’m not going to,” I say. “I’m really interested in the temple, and now I’m beginning to be even more curious about you, and the fact that you don’t want me here. I was brought here in a dream, so it would seem that perhaps Hermes brought me here. Perhaps it was he who let me in. Perhaps that was the companion in my dream. I insist. Show me around. Tell me about this temple to the gods.”

“You are persistent, aren’t you? Well, if Hermes did provide you access, perhaps it would be okay for you to spend a little time here, but I’m afraid I can’t answer your questions.”

“Are you just going to leave me here to wander about the building by myself?”

“I’m afraid so, sir. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

I’m not so eager to give up on the building, trying to understand what it is, but I let him go, and walk among the forest of columns. Seems there’s a lot more than three rows wide now. It’s a forest of columns and dark between them with beams of light shining between. I walk through them, feel the smooth marble surfaces with grooves the full length of each column. I feel comfortable here, among the columns in the dark. I’m alone again. Not something I should do. I see Dram though, for the first time in a long while, the Unicorn. “Am I in danger,” I ask her

“Not with me here,” she says.

“Give me a while, Dram,” I say. “I’d like to understand the purpose of this temple.”

I walk down to the far end of the temple, where the man didn’t want me to go, with Dram following along behind. The sound of my footsteps echo now because there is no carpet down here. I hear the clank of Drams hooves on the hard surface.

It’s like a cathedral at the end. And very old. I see what I believe is a slaughter stone, but when I try to look at it, I see the image of the asps inside the church of the Virgin Mary in the hills outside Ephesus that I visited seventeen years ago. That was a small altar where one could kneel to pray. Lots of flowers. I remember lots of flowers. The ancient Greeks didn’t kneel to pray to the gods. They stood upright with their arms outstretched, their palms turn toward Heaven. Here there’s but a slaughter stone. I see no statue to a god. The wall in back is rounded and carved to look like a curtain or at least that’s the way it is now, petrified. I sense other objects there also, but the images are vague and obscured by the mists of time. I wonder about everything here. Even about Dram, whether she could be a threat to me.

“Are you, Dram? Are you a threat to me?”

“I’m here to protect you,” she says.

I reach for her horn but she turns away from me, points it in another direction out of my reach. She’s not one to tolerate being touched.

I end the session.

Later in the night I have another dream. I’m at a university. I don’t know the name. We are in an auditorium or a theater. I’m with some other people for a while, people I know, but I move off to my self. Seems that I’m at a banquet or some other formal activity. But before the activities start, they have one item of business to take care of. They have a man stand for everyone to see, and they asked those here to say whether the university should retain him. The crowd comes alive at that point because the man we is well-liked. People raise their hand in support of him, and some applauded.

And then I wake.

Posted in 30 Sept 2010 The Ancient Greek Temple, September 2010 | Comments Off  

29a Sept 2010 A Little History

For some time now, I’ve wanted to get an overall perspective of what has happened to me, or what I’ve lived through in my life. I started writing seriously just before I turned thirty, but I never produced anything of any real value, or completed anything other than some poetry until I was forty-six. My wife left me just before I turned forty, and as Murray Stein would say, that threw me into a state of liminality in which I drifted and my life threatened to become totally unhinged. Ever since I left the Air Force in 1971, we’d lived in Boulder Colorado. But after a number of years there, my wife grew dissatisfied there, had an emotional breakdown, and we moved to Phoenix Arizona so she’d have a warmer climate and better prospects for employment. Not only did I have to give up the home and location I loved, but I also had to take a miserable job in Phoenix, and soon my wife of eighteen years left me. We got divorced, I remarried, got re-divorced, and left for another, much better job in San Diego. I’d lost my home, my family, my job, my friends, and was on my own for the first time in my life. I was totally adrift. Then, after the Challenger disaster, I left my engineering job in San Diego and moved back to Boulder where I planned to pursue a second undergraduate degree in English, and to get serious about writing, which I’d done for many years, generating several abandoned novels, and see if I could take one of my writing projects to completion. I enrolled in Renate Wood’s creative writing course, learned that my writing was good enough to get published, and after her encouragment, attended the Aspen Writers Conference in Aspen. Shortly after that, a poem I had written in Renate’s class appeared in The Paris Review.

The night I returned from Aspen, I went out carousing and met a young woman, actually not so very young but a few years younger than me, who was the crazy person I mentioned in these pages a week or so ago. She’d been in therapy for decades, and since our relationship was so difficult and contentious, she advised me to enter therapy, even recommended a psychiatrist, since she had apparently conducted a survey of those in the area.

I’d started a novel that had its origin in Renate’s creative writing class, and I formed a writing group with a couple of women that I’d met locally. During the next five years I wrote my first complete novel, one I just published through Tragedy’s Workshop, The Escape of Bobby Ray Hammer. It’s a coming of age novel, which most first novels are.

Now that I look back on it, and with Jung’s belief that our lives come in two parts, I can see that the first half of my life was over at that point, and that I was trying to make the transition to the second half, a process known as midlife. Or midlife crisis. I was in therapy for almost five years, the same length of time it took for me to write the coming-of-age novel. Just as I was finishing my novel, my psychiatrist also left the area, and I felt that I’d had enough therapy. I also got laid off from my engineering job in Boulder, so I moved into a small apartment to cut expenses and planned a trip to Greece. Nine months later, I spent ten weeks traveling about Greece and the western coast of Turkey in search of what I called a personal mythology. I wrote over 100,000 words while on the road. When I returned from Greece, instead of finding another engineering job, I spent the next two years turning my travel journal into a travel book I titled Oedipus on a Pale Horse. In it I dumped all my troubles growing up, especially my problems with my father, but also the disappearance of my daughter, and mingled it all with Greek mythology. That book seemed to bring to a close the first half of my life. It constituted my look back over my life, and prepared me for the second half of my life. I then loaded all my belongings in a U-Haul, pulled my car in a trailer hitched to the back, and headed south to an old home my grandfather had built with his own hands in Carlsbad, New Mexico. While there during the next two years, I researched and wrote The Mysteries, A novel of Ancient Eleusis. Then I went to work at the local branch of the New Mexico State University and taught part time. I wrote what came to be my take on how to write a novel, Novelsmithing. I also taught a course in Greek mythology which is currently on the Internet at greek-myth.com. I also started what might well be the culmination of my life’s work in a non-fiction book I call Tales of the Mythic World, which may well take me another five years to complete.

The point I’m trying to make with all this is that my life seems to have unfolded in classic Jungian fashion. And here I am now in my later years getting involved in Active Imagination and trying to probe deep into my own psyche, hoping that it will also lead me into the spiritual world so that my life might some years into the future come to terms with the Afterlife.

It is a strange life we lead. Particularly those of us who care to delve into the forces that control it and mold it. When I was a kid, I thought I was a nobody, that I’d never amount to anything. We lived on a small farm three miles from a small town out in the middle of nowhere in central California. I’m still a nobody, but now I’m rather proud of that. The years I spent in engineering, I worked on the Space Shuttle, worked with astronauts, and missions to the outer planets. For a couple of years, I was one of NASA’s Solar System Ambassadors. I gave it all up for a life, an existence, outside the real world, essentially. I’ve found that my life is of most importance to me, and I’ve learned to live it for myself and for those I care about, and not devote my life to serving the purposes of high aspirations and status, in service of the ego. This is the perspective attained through a successful midlife transition. And now my goals, and the direction of my life, are all wrapped up in Active Imagination.

Life seems to be a process. On a physical level, we’re little more than a sophisticated carrot. We grow up to achieve a fully developed physical form, and then we wither and sink back into the earth. The first half of life we spend in service to the ego, but the second half in service of spirituality. And psychically, we undergo an amazing process that guides our lives through a spiritual development that seems to prepare us for something beyond death. Real or figment of the imagination, Active imagination, it’s a path worth traveling.

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29 Sept 2010 A Tsunami and an Old Acquaintance

06:00. I just woke from a night of unpleasant dreams that went on interminably. The actual night seems to have passed quickly with me not waking even once fully. But the dreams seemed to drag on, two dreams.

In the first dream, I was on an island that had been hit by disaster, a tsunami or perhaps a hurricane. I’d come with coworkers to help the homeless and dislocated. I had left some instructions on how to do something, and tried to phrase them so that the inhabitants of the island could understand them. But when I returned, sometime later, it seems that the inhabitants hadn’t been able to understand, and I tried again to reinterpret my meaning, but it all started getting garbled, and the dream dissipated in a fog of disappointment. My words seemed to have gradually devolved into arithmetic. Difficult, dissatisfying dream.

In the second dream, I was on the road again. I was with a friend that I remember from my college days while at Arizona State. In the real world we’d started out good friends living in adjoining apartments. We studied together, and our wives liked each other and also spent a lot of time together. But the two of them became imposing, showed up on our doorstep at awkward times, and after a year or so of that, my wife and I moved to another part of the city, but we still kept in touch with them and were good friends for a long time afterword. Haven’t heard from him in years though.

In my dream, we were on the road together, just he and I. We were stopped somewhere at the side of the road preparing our evening meal on the ground over a cook fire. We had all our ingredients spread out on the ground on tarps or sheets, and while he was gone to do something, I continued fixing dinner. I sliced up a lot of tofu, and combined it with other ingredients and made this huge pile off to the side. It was all ready to cook when he returned. But he didn’t like what I had done. He started questioning me about it, asked me if I’d reversed the flower (whatever that meant) before including it. I told him that I hadn’t, and he was displeased with me. I told him that I was a pretty good cook, that I’d been doing for myself for years, and that I liked my own cooking. I didn’t need him to tell me how to do it. He said nothing.

At this point, I believe I started to wake up. It seems that I had a foot in both worlds and my waking self started having an impact on what I was dreaming. I believe I got my stuff together and left to go on on my own, but whatever the case, the dream ended. A dissatisfying dream, argumentative but not violent as so many of my negative dreams become.

The day before, I had taken a nap in the afternoon. I’ve noticed for sometime now, years really, that I have negative dreams following napping like that. Plus, I seem to not dream as deeply as when I haven’t had a nap during the day before. These dreams seem to come more from my shadow and are taken from memories of past occurrences, or at least involve people from my past. The first dream seemed not to involve memories, but the second did, at least involved this person from my past. I would say that these dreams are more about my ego psychology and my Shadow, do not contain material from my Collective Unconscious, and are therefore less interesting for what I’m doing now. Time will tell if these dreams are significant for the purposes of Active Imagination. Of course, ego dreams, and particularly material from my Shadow, are some of the most valuable for use in writing fiction, since they are laden with conflict, and they seem to be less concerned with symbolism.

Posted in 29 Sept 2010 A Tsunami and an Old Acquaintance, September 2010 | Comments Off  

28 Sept 2010 Runaway Truck and The Female Relative

02:45. I open the Iris of Time.

I see an eye, a single eye. Another shape, a fish’s head. Focus out, focus in. Nothing seems to help. Tired and a little sleepy. I don’t always see images when I get close to sleep. Part of me still has to be alert. I’m sinking into the dream state. Can’t hold it back. Seeing symmetrical patterns, circles.

05:45. Just woke from a dream that came in two parts. May have been two dreams. In the first part, I was standing in a large area where construction equipment was operating. Not a familiar place. A large piece of equipment, seems like a truck with a very heavy load, came through the area. The driver gunned it and was obviously driving faster than he should. He tried to beat another vehicle to a road, but was too late and had to try to stop the vehicle. He did stop it, but in the process, the vehicle became unstable, almost overturned, and he was thrown from the vehicle. I was afraid it was going to crush him, but the vehicle righted itself and he was okay, but since he wasn’t in the vehicle, it was out of control and took off again, this time in another direction. I started to run after it to see if I could get in and stop it, but it was obvious that I wasn’t fast enough. Someone else ran after it, got hold of the back of the truck bed and climbed aboard. Two men were up against the cab. They were convicts in chains. They wouldn’t let the man get close to the cab so he could stop the runaway vehicle. They fought him. But he overpowered the two convicts, and I believe he stopped the vehicle, but I’m not too sure of it.

Now comes the second part, which followed closely on the heels of the first part, and may even be a continuation. Same location. I was there to meet a friend of mine, Milt, an engineer I’ve known for some years and who visited us only six weeks ago. He came walking into the area with a couple of other men. By then I was with several family members standing around talking, mostly older women, but one was rather young and pretty. I said hi to her, but couldn’t remember her name. I was a little embarrassed about it. She said hi back, and I thought that she probably couldn’t remember my name either. We hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. We all went to an area to sit so we could talk. It seemed more like a pit in the ground, a circular pit at two levels where we could sit. Milt had difficulty sitting because he’d recently had both knees replaced (true). I asked him how he knees were doing, and he said, not that well because his knees had been stiff lately. I said mine weren’t all that well either, which isn’t true by the way. Milt sat on my left. The young woman who was a relative of mine sat to my right. She took my hand. Milt put his hand on my left shoulder and leaned on me in a show of friendship. The young woman held my hand, and I noticed that she didn’t have on her wedding ring. She was married. She said that she didn’t ware it because it was dangerous. Seems that she worked around electricity. I said that I didn’t wear my rings either, that they can be unsafe around electricity. I really liked the young woman and loved holding her hand. All the other women gathered around also and sat with us. And then the dream ended.

Of course, the hit of the dream was the young woman. I felt such great affection for her, and she seemed to share my feelings. Our holding hands was inappropriate, but since she was a relative, not forbidden. She is not someone I recognize as a relative in the real world.

Here’s my question. I saw this dream as a series of moving images with sound. When I wrote about it just now, I recalled those images, it seemed, in just as much fidelity as I had seen them in the dream. Just as we all always do. But I wasn’t hallucinating. I saw these images in my mind. But these images are not like what I experience when I close my eyes and look for images from the Unconscious. The images I actively look for are more like hallucinations. And I do see them, not many, but I do see some even though they are difficult to produce. But they are much different, more real, than those I just remembered when telling about my dreams.

When I write fiction, I “see” my characters and the settings in the same way that I remembered my dream. This constitutes two different levels of imaginary images. One I actually see, the other I imagine. One seems real. The other, imaginary. The real images are difficult to hold. Mostly they are momentary. Frequently they are the simultaneous for Active imagination, but they don’t stay at that level of fidelity. They lose the hallucinogenic character and become much closer to what I envision when I write fiction. In a sense, the images, the fleeting images from the Unconscious are “real”, and the rest of the Active Imagination is imaginary. But Jung’s process is called “active imagination”, meaning that the practitioner actively engages his imagination. So it would seem that both processes are acceptable. This has been my delima because I started out with these hallucinatory images being easy to produce but difficult to hang on to, and I thought this is what I was going to be dealing with all the time, that it really was different from writing fiction. But that doesn’t seem to be the c case.

Another thing I’ve noticed, and I’ve noticed this pretty much all my life. I rarely have sexual dreams. I do occasionally but they are in the vast minority. Sex dreams and fantasies seem to come exclusively from the ego, whereas most of my dreams seem to come from a place where sex isn’t a factor. Love is the big thing, affection, caring. I love the women in my dreams. Sometimes, I kiss them, hold them, long for them, but generally I’m content to just be in their presence. They are all special to me. Somehow they are perfect, and perfect for me. We have a perfect affinity for each other.

I want to talk to the young woman. I want to know about the nature of our relationship, so I start another Active Imagination session.

I go to her, and she’s still here beside me, holding my hand.

“Should we be holding hands?” I ask.

“Probably not,” she says, “but I enjoy it. I’m married though.”

“I know that you are a relative of mine, but I don’t know how we are related.”

“I’m not sure either.”

“You don’t seem to be from either my mother’s or my father’s side of the family.”

She laughs. “Yet,” she says, “we are related.”

“To whom are you married?”

“That doesn’t seem to be important or perhaps even a reasonable question. I believe we are related on a much different level than the physical, hereditary plane. I believe we’re spiritually related.

“Why are you here?”

“I came to see you….”

[I stop the session. This question and answer technique doesn’t seem to be working. I seem to be filling in her part of the dialogue. Plus, she doesn’t know anything that I don’t. I believe I’m making up both sides of this conversation, which I take to mean that I’m not allowing her to talk at all. I’ll switch to allowing her to explain the situation to me. I start over.]

“Who are you and where do you come from? Are we really related?”

“Yes, we are related, but I’m from the spiritual world, your psychic world.”

I am so tired. I can’t continue and have to end the session.

What does Jung mean by “Having more control of the process while awake than we do while dreaming?” Doesn’t this mean that we would be interfering with the process? How do I separate my ego thoughts from those originating in the Unconscious? These are really tough questions.

Also, if dreams occur in the Unconscious, how can we remember them? That must mean that we dream within the ego, but close to the Unconscious. That would be the reason we have so much difficulty remembering dreams.

Posted in 28 Sept 2010 The Female Relative, September 2010 | Comments Off  

27 Sept 2010 The Waitress at the Holiday Inn

[Generally, peering into the unconscious doesn’t occur accidentally. Usually I have to make an effort to get past the black curtain. This is a good thing because it keeps out the flood of archetypal content that could overwhelm the ego and enables our awareness to produce the dream that we call the waking state, reality. Rodolfo R. Llinas [i of the vortex, From Neurons to Self, pp. 2-3] has a theory that we are always dreaming, even while awake but that while awake, our awareness hooks us up with the five senses (tyranny of the senses, as he puts it) and that then causes our mind to dream reality. In the dream state we unhook from the five senses, and then we are a free-floating spirit, untethered from reality and can focus our dreaming awareness on archetypal content in the far recesses of the mind.]

04:45. I just woke from a dream. I was in a restaurant, a large dining room. One of the waitresses, tall, thin, nice looking, kept coming by my table. I knew her. I’d been in there before. She smiled at me. A little later, I was working at a computer in the corner of the dining room, and she came over and leaned across me to get something. I raised up a little and kissed her on the neck. She leaned into me, and I kissed her below the ear. She moaned, and then she turned toward me and kissed me, two or three times. And then I woke.

I’ve mentioned before that I have for a long time dreamed a lot about women. This dream was a little more affectionate than usual, but we always have an affinity for each other. Sometimes, it’s love, total, unconditional love. At others it’s first-love, a time when we first come to know and love each other. It’s always pure and un-conflicted. They are whole human beings, seemingly without flaws though they are very different from each other: some blond, some brunet some orient or black, some from India. Always we are comfortable in each other’s presence. We have no purpose other than being in each other’s company. We like each other. We have a purity to our friendship, or possibly love, that makes it so comfortable to be together. Each woman is distinct, and I don’t believe any of them has ever come back for a repeat performance. It’s always someone new. We’re never in conflict. I’ve often wondered, Who are these women? I’ve thought that perhaps they are all the same personage from the Collective Unconscious who simply takes on different guises. I’ve thought that they might possibly be angels sent to console me since I’ve been single for so long and without a girlfriend, twenty years actually. The commonality between dreams seems to be the way we feel about each other: warm, comfortable, un-conflicted.

I suppose I should use Active Imagination to go to this woman I just met in this dream and find out who she is, perhaps who are all these women.

To do this, I don’t open the Iris of Time, I merely use the memory of her to conjure her again. There she is still serving tables in the restaurant.

“Come back and talk to me,” I say to her.

She smiles and returns to stand beside my chair. She sits on the edge of my computer desk, looks down at me and smiles.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“I’m a waitress at this Holliday Inn.”

“Yes, I know that.” She’s being coy. “But who are you really to be populating my dream? Where did o you come from?”

“You really don’t know do you?”

“No. I don’t. Explain it to me, please.”

“I’m someone who loves you.”

“But where do you come from?”

“Someone who cares.”

“Yes, I can tell. And I care about you too.”

Now that we’re closer together, I can see her face better. She’s pretty. Older than me. I’m young, perhaps thirty. She’s perhaps forty.

“I’ve been sent here by someone you know, or someone who knows you.”

“So you didn’t come here of your own free will?”

“Oh, yes I did. I knew immediately the first time I saw you.”

“But where did you come from?”

“That really isn’t a question that can be answered. I just am. We don’t have places, like the Holiday Inn, where we live.”

“But you do have a home, don’t you.”

“Not in the sense you mean. I’m always home, in the sense that I’m where I belong and where I’m cared about. That’s all I can think of that you’d understand.”

“But why a Holiday Inn?”

“It suits you. You’re on the road. You called me here. You’re always traveling now. You don’t have a home, do you? Not really.”

“Well, I stay with my son, but yes, you’re right. I’ve not had a home since my wife left me. At least, no place that felt like home to me.”

“You’re on a journey, a long extended journey that will encompass the rest of your life. A journey of the soul. You didn’t really call me. You encountered me. By your travels, you’ve invaded my space. I didn’t really come to you. You came to me. Love so frequently happens on the road, on a journey. That’s why we are so un-conflicted. You’re on a journey of the heart. We only share who we are in the spiritual sense, none of the sticky human frailty and neediness.”

“Well, meeting you was such a pleasure.”

“And a real treat for me too. Take care of yourself.”

And then she walks away and goes back to work as a waitress here at the Holiday Inn out in the middle nowhere, somewhere on the road of wife.

The Active Imagination session ends.

Now that the session is over, I want to evaluate it for what Murray Stein called “fidelity”: the degree to which the personage was autonomous and free from the influence of my own ego thoughts. Some of the things I attributed to this woman, I knew before I started the session. But some of the content, is new to me. This bit about me being on a journey, a spiritual journey is not something I knew but now makes total sense to me. It’s actually a profound revelation. And the explanation she offered of these women being personages that I run into on this journey also makes total sense. I’ve met women before while traveling, women for whom I’ve had an immediate affinity. Once such woman was Sarah whom I met while at Ephesus. She was from Australia. We spent the evening together talking while with a group of people: Americans, Aussies, and Kiwis. We went to dinner and to a Turkish wedding. We met on the Greek isle of Samos before boarding the small ferry for Kusadasi on the Turkish coast. We talked all the while we were in the van traveling from Kusadasi to Seljuck. She was absolutely delightful. I describe all this in Oedipus on a Pale Horse.

Perhaps these Active Imagination sessions are helpful, at least for explaining things that happen to me in the psychic world, the world of the Unconscious. But here’s the thing. Some of her words contained ideas that definitely came from me. But some of it didn’t come from me. I’ve not yet learned to separate myself fully from the psychic entities, the personages, I meet in the Unconscious. We’re still all intermingled. Jung speaks about this and so does Murray Stein. But practicing Active Imagination is not something that comes to you immediately. It is a process, a learned skill. And in this way, it is very much like writing fiction because authors have no end of trouble separating out whom says what in dialogue. You have to keep your characters separate or they will meld together.

Learning this process, this ability to maintain the fidelity of the input from Unconscious psychic entities for Active Imagination, should be of benefit for writing fiction. I came into Active Imagination with the expectation of improving my fiction, but the really profound part of this experiment, this excursion into the Collective Unconscious, is the impact Active Imagination is having on my psychic development. It’s what I’m doing for myself on a personal level. The curious and perhaps equally important thing to notice here is that writing fiction can definitely be therapeutic because it involves the same psychic processes as Active Imagination, which is a process, Jung’s process, of Individuation, of becoming a whole human being.

Posted in 27 Sept 2010 The Waitress at the Holiday Inn, September 2010 | Comments Off  

25 Sept 2010 Ramblings on Active Imagination

[This attempted Active Imagination session isn't fruitful; however, I believe it's still important to post because it shows the difficulties I run into. I also like to document my thoughts on the way my mind works, so that I can see how my mental processes change, or perhaps how they don't change, over time.]

02:15 am. Something I’ve noticed: general conversation, internal dialogue that occurs during the day and sometimes keeps me from doing Active Imagination, seems to occur within the ego, within “ego conscious,” as I believe Jung terms it. I also believe that the Shadow, which is the rejected part of the ego, also participates. This ego material is sometimes so emotionally hot that I can’t clear a psychic space for Active Imagination. That’s the reason that using the concept of the Iris of Time as a designated space for performing Active Imagination is a good idea. I get used to going into that psychic space and condition myself to its requirements. Hopefully, telling myself that I’ve opened the Iris of time will in some way trigger the psychic state for performing Active Imagination and shut off the ego-related internal dialogue. I don’t consider my talking to myself about Active Imagination and ruminating about what is going on as a part of ego-to-ego dialogue. And internal dialogue, normal internal dialogue seems to be an ego-to-ego dialogue.

Now to begin the Active Imagination session: I open the Iris of Time.

I see a clean black surface before me. I focus my eyes close in, as I’ve been doing lately to enable me to see images. I see a little white dot. I’ve not prepared for this session. I’ve not predetermined who I want to be my guide. I don’t know if it should always be the same personage or not. Perhaps my Unconscious will know who it should be. I’ll see if someone appears, or whether I will have to force my imagination to produce the Pythia.  The modes for getting images and producing someone to talk to are quite different. Images are spontaneously produced. Conversation is more Consciousness directed. When I’m engaged in a conversation, I know when I my part of the conversation comes from my Consciousness. I don’t always know that the response comes from the my Unconscious. Jung says to develop the ability to distinguish that and to ensure the other half of the conversation comes from the Unconscious. I’ve found that to be difficult to determine. I have to mull over statements from the Unconscious to check their “fidelity,” to use a word from Murray Stein. Now back to the images.

Blank darkness. Little activity. Generally the first shapes to appear are in black and white. My experience has been that color is a sign of both Unconscious fidelity and emotionally charged content.

Don’t even see the little light anymore. I try to produce a sort of daze that seems to bring shapes. Now getting a little black and white activity. Blotches of light, a dark moving shape in the lower left. It goes away. Blank darkness. I try to see the Pythia. I listen for her voice. What is the difference of hearing a voice from the Unconscious and Imagining a voice from the Unconscious? Is imagining hearing? How close to a hallucination does it have to be? What is the difference between an imagined image and an actual hallucinated image? Yes, I know: You’ll know it when you see it. The difference between gold and fools gold. When I was eight, I had an imaginary girlfriend. I mentioned the circumstances in Oedipus on a Pale Horse. We would fly through the sky on imaginary adventures. I thought of her at night before sleep. I believe she is my grownup companion in my Active imagination now. I believe she is the Pythia.

I’m too tired and sleepy to continue. I close the Iris.

Posted in 25 Sept 2010 Ramblings on Active Imagination, September 2010 | Comments Off