28 July 2010 More Dreams – And a Phantom

01:10 am. I just woke from a dream. I was in a field at night. The field was under cultivation, and I was assisting my father who was there but a short ways away. He just seemed part of the background for the dream. We were irrigating the field, and I remember water running in the ditch and furrows. A young woman appeared and came toward me. She was there to help us somehow. She was a professional about this activity. We knew each other quite well. And I was in love with her. I grabbed her from behind, put my arms around her and tried to kiss her on the cheak, but an article of her clothing came between her cheek and my lips. I tried to get to her cheak by pressing harder but it just didn’t work. And then something happened, and I don’t know if I was partially awake and my conscious mind adding to the dream, or if it was the actual dream. Some of it seems to be missing. But she turned away from me and just left. She didn’t say why, but she was upset and had to leave. After she left, I got really angry, and I may have added this part to the dream later, but I wrote a note to her saying that we were through. That I loved her, but if she could treat me like that, walk away with no concern for my feelings at all, I was through with her. I had known women like her before, and I didn’t care if she was coming back. The fact that she could just walk away from me like that indicated how little she cared for my feelings, and I didn’t care how confused she was, it just meant that she didn’t feel the same about me, and I wanted to have no more to do with her.

By this time I was fully awake and upset. I kept thinking about the dream and adding to it by adding to my note to her. This was part of a much longer dream, but I just don’t have access to the first part of it.

03:28 am. I just woke from another dream, this time about my mother. I was in her home and she was up and walking and talking again. She is actually bedridden and has Alzheimer’s so badly that she doesn’t even know who she is, much less anyone else. Anyway, she was up walking and talking. I was there with her. We were alone talking about something, I can’t remember what. After a while, I noticed that a man was sitting on a sofa to her left. He was just sitting there, not saying anything. And then I realized that I didn’t know who he was. I asked  him who he was, but he just smiled and didn’t say anything. I became scared, and it seems that I was now lying down on the sofa where I had been sitting, and something was between him and me, and I couldn’t see him. I tried to raise up to get a better look at him, but was having trouble getting up. When I could see him, I couldn’t make out his face, and this really scared me. Who are you, I demanded, but he still didn’t say anything. Then he just faded and disappeared. Everything else was still there but him. I was afraid that I was dying and that he had come for me.

Then I was in the kitchen where my mother had been. She’d made some Cheerios in this large funny-shaped tall container that she’d had popcorn in earlier. Totally inappropriate. And then I noticed movement just beyond the cabinet counter. I stared at something, don’t know what, and it started moving, which didn’t seem possible. The surface moved a little more, became flexible and soft and became soap foam on a water surface. It started to really move and a cat came crawling out, totally soaked. The cat crawled out of the soapy water and ran toward me and through the service room and into the bathroom. Kids were now playing all over the house, and I yelled at them asking who put the cat in the water. They all ran to see the cat.

Now I’m in my mother’s bedroom. She’s also in there sitting on the edge of the bed. She gets to her feet but is unsteady and falls against the wall. I tell her to sit down, that she’ll fall and break a hip, but she says that she’ll be alright and continues to stumble about. That’s all I remember.

What concerns me most about the dreams, the most significant item and the most emotionally laden, is the unknown man in my mother’s living room. Who was he and why was he there? He had been there all the time I was talking to my mother, and yet I hadn’t noticed him. And when I tried to look directly at his face, it fogged over so that I couldn’t recognize him. I would say he was distinguished by being normal in every way. No distinguishing features. Then he disappeared, just faded away. Totally freaked me out.

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