06 Sept 2010 Having Doubts

I’m tired tonight. No strength to stare intently into the Iris. Thought it might have more activity without me having the strength to suppress it. Let’s see.

Lots of activity. Shapes and things, really strange objects. Not of this world. A sea with mountains in the distance. Mountains and more mountains.

“No monkeys out there. Come out here, drunk. What are you doing here? Weeds with some green things on them, not flowers. Help me,” says a man.

I dozed. Have to go to sleep.

03:00 am. Tonight I’m having doubts and questioning where some of the material I “find” while writing comes from. The thing I have been forgetting is memory. We retrieve things from our memory all the time. When a word comes to us while we’re writing, we pull it from our memory. Those words also seem to come from nowhere. The Unconscious consists of images. When I’m thinking and trying to come up with new ideas, do I pull them from my memory of ideas I’ve thought before, read about perhaps or encountered in conversation, and then just simply pull them from my memory. Do I re-member them, or is my memory always augmented by the Collective Unconscious? Does memory and the process of remembering serve us and the Collective Unconscious along with it? Are psychic entities always influencing everything we do? Or are we operating autonomously most of the time and the Collective Unconscious only influencing us at highly creative times? I also store images in my memory, not just words, numbers, and ideas. We store images and sequences of images. So that when I open the Iris, peer into the darkness and see an image, is it coming from the Collective Unconscious? Or is it coming from that storehouse of memories from life experiences, movies, and books I’ve read? And how do I know the difference? Were the Unicorn and Centaur I encountered in previous Active Imagination sessions from the Collective Unconscious? Or were they simply learned images from picture books and movies? Is the material only rehashed material from my memory banks?

It would take a professional to answer these questions, and perhaps I can find the answer somewhere among my library or on the Internet. Regardless of the source, and the purity of the Active Imagination process, this way of working with what goes on inside my own mind seems to be of value to me. It allows me to work with natural processes that go on inside my own mind. It gives me a tool to work with the psychic forces with me. In some ways, it is a users manual for the brain. I’ve had some unusual experiences in my life, and the psychology of Carl Jung is the only thing that has even come close to explaining them. Five years of Freudian regression therapy helped a lot, but from a phenomenological standpoint, it comes up short. I’ve spent a good portion of my life trying to understand what goes on inside me, and this seems to be a step forward in that process. If I keep going, perhaps it will sort itself out over the years. But at least now, I have a way of investigating all these unusual behaviors of my mind.

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